“We see all kinds of ways for girls to deal with being assaulted, how to prevent it, how to heal, support groups and the like… How do we teach boys to keep their hands to themselves or what not to say?” She’s got a two-year-old boy and she does not want him to grow up into harasser or an abuser.
I based this episode on the awesome and wonderful responses I got when I asked this listener’s question on my Facebook page.
In today’s episode identify 4 key steps we as parents need to take in order to raise children who both do not grow up to be harassers or abusers, and who successfully resist being harassed or abused.
Go to weturnedoutokay.com/196 to see these steps written down, and for key links!
The Four Steps:
1) Always respect others. We both must model this, AND teach this – in other words, we parents must respect the people we come into contact with and let our children see us doing this; we must also insist on and expect that our children will treat us and those they come into contact with respectfully.
2) Validate emotions. Boys DO cry, and so do girls, because sometimes a child’s feelings are hurt. When we tell that child to tamp down his or her emotions, we damage the child and his or her ability to live a full life and experience full relationships.
3) Teach them the overt language of “no.” Teaching children to say STOP or NO begins with tickle fighting and other childhood horseplay; they must understand that when somebody tells them to stop, they simply must stop. Conversely, when they tell somebody to stop, that other person must stop. We each have control over our own bodies, and who touches them, and how.
Special thanks to my friend Amanda for referring me to Ashia Shaw, who runs the Facebook group Books for Littles (link below), and wrote a beautiful post about this aspect of parenting.
4) Bring in a safe word. When the tickling is going too far, or someone is doing something hurtful to someone else’s body, the perpetrator may not know or understand just how important this is to the other person… Which is where a “safe word” comes in. When either of my friend Paul’s children says the safe word they’ve all agreed upon, the other sibling knows to stop.
Click here for the podcast that friends-of-We-Turned-Out-Okay KJ Dell’Antonia and Jessica Lahey host together, #AmWriting.
Click here for my conversation with KJ about (among much else) how to get kids to actually do chores…
Click here for my conversation with Jessica about why kids have to fail at stuff, why they must make mistakes, as they’re growing up.
Click here for the video of my recent #MeToo-related live story, told in front of a generous and wonderful audience on Thursday night, November 9, 2017.
(You can hear the audio-only version at the end of this episode.)
Click here for the amazing book Visual Intelligence. I promise I will work to get this book’s author on my show ASAP!
Click here for the Books for Littles Facebook group link.
Click here to check out We Turned Out Okay’s brand-new How-to Videos menu tab, to learn about how to help your kids eat more fruits and vegetables, how to help them learn to read, and more!
Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I help parents solve their toughest challenges every day.
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