Recently one of the moms in my parent coaching community wrote in to share that her 4-year-old sons were about to start school… in a preschool-through-12th-grade school where corporal punishment is used.
“I can’t imagine [my boys] doing anything that would warrant a paddling, but I could not make myself check that box saying it was okay,” she wrote in our forums.
She then shared that, if parents check the “no, don’t spank my kid” box, children are exposed to other punishments such as a 3-day suspension and zeros on any assignments missed!
I was shocked. In every state there are laws against striking people in prisons and in the military; in most every state it’s illegal to strike an animal.
But it turns out that in 19 states, it’s okay to strike a child in school.
Come down the rabbit hole with me, into the world of corporal punishment.
It’s a world that might be much closer to you than you ever imagined.
if you look at your little kids and can’t imagine how they could possibly become functioning – never mind happy or successful – adults.
Dad and author Jonathan Greene shares wisdom, and great stories, with us today!
Our conversation is all about how Jonathan went from being a latchkey kid – who was routinely mugged, and didn’t let it bother him – to a hovering father of young children.
Today he’s a dad of teens who’s formed really great bonds with his son and daughter, and shares today about the choices he made that helped develop those bonds.
Go to weturnedoutokay.com/243 for this week’s YouTube video about what to do when your child is sneaking candy and treats that they know are off limits, for the podcast back catalog and all the great links that come up in today’s episode.
And thanks for listening!
Shout out to all you We Turned Out Okay Patreon patrons!
Patrons get exclusive content, EXTRA Magic Words for Parents videos, early access to my forthcoming book, Your Child Explained Vol 1, and lots more help and advice that regular listeners can only dream of.
“Today my 2.5-year-old and his Dad were in a car accident… This happened around 1 PM today and my son has been talking about it and asking questions all evening. I’m trying to answer in simple clear terms but I feel over my head. It feels like a punch in the gut every time it comes up again.”
So wrote one of our Ninja Parenting Community members over the summer. Scary stuff!
Helping her process her young child’s trauma, and helping her through her own, has been a real focus of mine ever since.
So it seemed only right to share these lessons with you!
That way you’ll be prepared if something traumatic happens that involves your children.
Tune in to find out 3 ways to help your young child process trauma – and read about these 3 ways, find the entire back catalog of the podcast, watch my recent YouTube video about how to make big parenting decisions, and check out lots more stuff at weturnedoutokay.com/242 …
And thanks for listening!
3 Ways to help your young child process a traumatic event
With something upsetting happens in the life of a young child, they need fairly continual reassurance that they’re safe, and that the people around them will take care of them and keep them safe.
But as with our Ninja Parenting Community member’s recent experience, trying to give them that reassurance can be stress-inducing and overwhelming for us parents.
So, here are 3 ways to help your child confront, process, and come out the other side when something traumatic happens:
1) Let them talk and play it out.
Knowing and truly understanding that these questions and concerns will continually come up for your child can in itself make it easier to handle constant questioning.
Letting them ask these questions, talk about the situation, and even play it out over and over again is a necessary step in processing and moving beyond trauma for children.
2) Read, and play, and do normal stuff.
After something upsetting has happened, give your young child the reassurance that “we’re getting back to normal.” You can best do this by making sure that, as much as possible, you keep your child in a regular routine, with regular bedtimes and mealtimes.
3) Give your child time, and trust the process.
They will feel better, and when they do the questions and continual processing will go away.
Here’s what this NPC member reported a few weeks after the initial trauma:
“A positive update – now a couple weeks out, he’s asking only occasionally about it and has heard the same consistent positive answers enough times to seem secure and okay.
Thank you, Karen!!”
If you’ve recently gone through something upsetting or dramatic with your child, we can help you feel “secure and okay” as well… Join the Ninja Parenting Community today, and get the same kind of support that this member got when something unexpected and frightening happened in her life.
I was able to give her help that regular We Turned Out Okay listeners can only dream of… Including a supportive response very soon after the accident, plus a video in which I shared lots more about helping kids through bad stuff during a live, exclusive members-only call just a day or two later.
Need this same intensive, supportive level of help?
“[My husband and I, and our little daughter] are rushing out the door and late to work most mornings. I’m looking forward to participating in the challenge to figure out how to get to work on time!”
“With kindergarten I feel like I’m about to toss [my daughter] to the wolves. I’m worried I will have to practically push her through the door. How can I help her overcome her fear and her habitual morning anxiety?”