How to Help Kids Get Along: Masterclass | Podcast Episode 287

How does one mom handle it, when she finds her daughters throwing dirt at each other?

No matter the season, there’s always an opportunity for kids to come into conflict with other kids.

Whether siblings, cousins, classmates or just somebody at the playground, mean words, pushing, and other acts of frustration or aggression abound.

So, do we parents just have to live with it, put up with the bickering and hard feelings?

Nope!

This masterclass is a distillation of three months’ worth of work in the private, online community I run for parents of young children.
During April, May, and June 2019 we dove headfirst into the problems real parents really experience, and how to alleviate it when kids aren’t getting along.

Today I’m bringing you behind the scenes, directly into the Ninja Parenting Community, sharing the information you need to help your kids actually get along!

Some of these ideas may seem unconventional, and likely (unless you are a member of NPC) they are new to you, but they REALLY work.

In fact we finish out with a success story! How does one mom handle it, when she finds her daughters throwing dirt at each other?

Find out in this episode of We Turned Out Okay!

Plus in Parenting News: This article in the Atlantic, on Fred Rogers (of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood) and how he approached speaking with children, is one of those articles I wanted to hug to my chest <3
I share why in today’s Parenting News segment.
Plus I read my recent review of Audrey Monke’s wonderful book, Happy Campers!

Join us!

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/287 for:

  • Notes from this Masterclass on How to Help Kids Get Along with Other Kids
  • The Masterclass video
  • Links to free guides on potty training, handling every temper tantrum, and more

And thank you so much for listening!

Today’s episode is brought to you by…
You, if you have purchased one of my parenting books! I write books that help parents truly enjoy family time, by sharing tools and formulas that you can use to change your child’s behavior from bad to good, and also that help you feel happy inside.
Go to weturnedoutokay.com/books to check them out!

Masterclass Video:

 

Masterclass Notes:

3 keys to helping kids get along:

  • It’s all about FEELINGS.
    • Kids do not inherently understand other kids’ feelings, and so don’t know when they are hurting others’ feelings (or even sometimes why they do the things they do themselves)
  • Understand the feelings beneath the conflicts
    • what are they fighting over? Resources, your attention? Knowing that is the first step to resolving conflicts
  • Teach them to take feelings into account to resolve conflicts

1 crucial factor:

  • The parent’s ability to remain calm.
    • One NPC member’s work in doing this… And how proud I am of her!

Which principles to adopt and which to drop, to help kids really get along!

  • Principles to drop:
    • It doesn’t matter “who started it”
    • Participating in their drama
    • Spanking, shouting, and shaming… These DON’T WORK
  • Principles to adopt:
    • Hear everyone out.
    • Remain calm, no matter what.
      • This REALLY resonated in the community, with one member commenting “on the occasions when [my daughter] does act appropriately… I’m sure it’s because I haven’t flown off the handle yet. It’s the lying that pushes my buttons. That’s the thing that has got to stop setting me off.”
    • Respect, respect, respect.
      • Explain about the study showing that expectations matter more than just about anything… Then imagine you’ve just been informed by somebody in a white coat “you’ve got the most respectful kids anywhere!”
  • THESE are the principles that really, really work in helping kids get along with other kids!

Ending with a success story! NPC Member Jen writes:

  • “Yesterday on the dirt pile (truck -sized delivery of topsoil) I rushed over saying “goodness – I hear somebody screaming at her sister, what is going on?!?” Then I asked [my four-year-old] to wait for her turn to talk while I listened to [7-year-old]. No problem. I LOVE that the first thing older girl did was to look around and say “what can we use for a talking stick?” Squee! We followed the talking stick formula and by the end, they claimed they couldn’t come up with any solutions for the next time. I think they were ashamed of themselves for throwing dirt and name-calling, so I reminded them “we already have a playground rule forbidding anyone from throwing mulch, so if we use the same rule at home would that work do you think?” LOL! “Okay mom, we won’t throw dirt.” Thanks so much for the super-long video. It all resonates with me, and I can’t wait to tell you how it goes next time we get a chance to try it. I love how you ended your thoughts: “I’ve got the most respectful kids anywhere!” That mindset will certainly help a lot.

In the WTOO Universe

Join the private WTOO Facebook group… Click here!
The Facebook group is where I do our Magic Words for Parents Facebook live every Monday 🙂

Click here for my channel in YouTube, where you’ll find helpful videos (like this one on what to do when your child is jumping on the couch for your attention, at the worst possible time.)

My latest book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know, is officially out!!
Click here to read more!

If you need more personal support in your parenting and your life, work with me!
You can do this in two ways, with 1-to-1 Parent Coaching, or by joining the Ninja Parenting Community, the always-open online hub filled with help, support, and positive energy.
Click here to learn more about working with me; or read just below to learn more about the Ninja Parenting Community.

 

Temper Tantrums, Potty Training, and Picky Eaters:

Today I share about three helpful free guides I offer.
While the podcast is long-form – your opportunity to look into the mind of a child development expert – the free guides are super quick.

You can watch the video, read the checklist, and immediately get the help you need : )

  • Click here for the FREE video and checklist to Handle Every Temper Tantrum
  • Click here for the FREE video and checklist to Successfully Potty Train Your Child
  • Click here for the FREE video and checklist to Handle Your Picky Eater
  • Want to receive valuable ideas and tips on parenting, without either free guide above? Click here for my weekly parenting newsletter!

 

“I am feeling able to handle this! I truly cannot thank you enough.”
– NPC Member & Mom of 3YO Boy

What’s frustrating you right now in your parenting?

I specialize in helping parents get out of a negative space, so they cut out the anger and frustration, feel in tune with their children, and start to truly love family time.

Membership in our exclusive parent coaching community helps you through:

  • Support, advice, and connection 24/7, all online and available to you wherever you live in the world, and whatever hours you keep
  • Exclusive, members-only calls where you get solutions to your toughest parenting challenges
  • Courses on everything from stopping sibling rivalry to what to do instead of spanking, including the complete Successful Potty Training Under Pressure course

With all that and more, we have got you covered…

Join the Ninja Parenting Community today and make the time you spend with your young children your favorite time!
Get Help in our Private Coaching Community Today