331: How to handle your child’s rage

“My biggest struggle is with my five-year-old. When she is angry she scratches, bites and sometimes hits. She also yells very loudly. I would love some advice on how to get her to stop.”

A listener wrote in with this question, and I knew it would probably resonate with many listeners.

Like us adults, kids are experiencing lots and lots of angry feelings – more so than pre-pandemic, without the usual outlets or often even the ability to leave the house and get a change of scene.

It can be difficult for adults to deal with our own rage, after years and decades of experience… It’s so much harder for kids to deal with their rage.

They need our help! Today I share a 3-part formula that I hope you find helpful in handling your child’s angry outbursts.

We’ve also got an impromptu Parenting News, featuring the following:
The Forge article “Your Only Goal Is to Arrive,” about how only one thing really matters right now in bringing our families through the pandemic.

A new book – Why are You Still Sending Your Kids to School? – from friend-of-the-podcast and expert in raising self-directed learners Blake Boles. I share the Amazon link here, but Blake asks that you consider purchasing it through “local bookstores, which could certainly use the business right now.”
(I share about this book both in the Parenting News, and also in the main part of this episode. I think it’s required reading, not just in handling your young child’s rage, but also in raising resilient and happy kids. Highly recommended!)

Join us!

Notes, including tons of links and a cheat sheet of the 3-part formula to handle your child’s angry outbursts, are at weturnedoutokay.com/331 : )

Also: I have been working hard behind the scenes, creating a 5-module course on “How to keep going” and a training on “how to handle your child’s angry outbursts,” not to mention spring cleaning in the Ninja Parenting Community… and in this episode I share when registration opens once more for NPC!
The response from NPC members has been wonderful, and I’m excited to open up the community for those of you who want the extra support coming through the pandemic.
Listen in to this episode to find out when registration opens, if you need that supportive community, and help from an expert in child development.

Join the We Turned Out Okay book club!

I wrote a newsletter recently on how to handle it if you’re feeling anxiety in the pandemic (and after). Click the link below to read it:
https://weturnedoutokay.com/it-is-normal-to-be-anxious-when-everything-is-changing/

To watch the Free Virtual Summit I created in response to the 2020 coronavirus pandemic go to:
weturnedoutokay.com/OkayCon2020

We will get through this together <3

How to handle a young child’s anger: a cheat sheet

1. Monitor our own emotions.
Everything is better when we can remain calm, even as our child’s anger or other big feelings are ramping up.

2. Connect.
Help your child understand “this grown-up is on my team.” Communicate that understanding by helping your young child name their feelings, and verbalize about them (rather than dishing out harsh consequences when they scratch, bite, scream, or hit.)
This is when Blake’s new book, Why are You Still Sending Your Kids to School?, comes up. He tells a great story about a time when connection helped him come through a stressful and confusing event. The

3. Matter-of-factly move on.
The best thing we can do is to celebrate when they channel their anger appropriately, and remain extremely neutral when encountering the worst of their rage.

Key Links

Click here for my conversation with Blake Boles, episode 264 of We Turned Out Okay, and click here for Blake’s new book, Why are You Still Sending Your Kids to School?, which comes up in today’s episode.

Click here for Someone to Hold, a work of fiction (for grown-ups!) by Mary Balogh that also comes up in today’s episode.

Click here for my conversation with Dr. Laura Markham, episode 255 of the We Turned Out Okay podcast.