A formula for handling every temper tantrum

(FYI: If the start of preschool (or the return to childcare) feels especially daunting this year, you are not alone! Starting this Thursday 7/23 I’m offering a FREE, 4-day Challenge featuring simple yet powerful tools you can use to get through this time. Click below to sign up : )

Join the Pandemic Back-To-School Challenge


NPC member Jen, with her two daughters.

Recently on the We Turned Out Okay podcast, I interviewed long time coaching client and Ninja Parenting Community member Jen.

Jen is the mom of 2 kids, 7-year-old and 4-year-old daughters.

When we sat down together to chat, Jen shared how she used to feel: “I didn’t feel like I had control over the direction our family was going.”

It was her work in our private coaching community that gave her that control.

As part of NPC membership, everyone gets access to e-copies of my parenting books; Jen references the first one, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, as super helpful.

In our conversation we discuss one particular part of the book, the HEART formula for handling every temper tantrum.

Here is that formula in a nutshell:
H is for “Haven.”
Create a haven, a place for your child to have a temper tantrum. Someplace where they can’t hurt themselves or others, and where they are free to have out the temper tantrum in peace.

E is for “Empathy.”
Remember: temper tantrums are crucial in human development. No one becomes a fully functioning adult without having temper tantrums. If we can find some empathy, some understanding, for what our child is going through, tantrums will be more productive. And, in my experience and those that I work with, more productive tantrums mean fewer tantrums in the long run.

A is for “Abide.”
This is the toughest part. Basically, this part of the formula is about living through the tantrum. Letting your child spin themselves out, safely, until we can all move on to the next letter:

R is for “Reintegrate.”
Another tricky part, because for many of us – myself included – it’s easy to say something sarcastic or ironic, when your child finishes up with the tantrum and wants to return to the world. Especially if this is the fifteenth tantrum of the day.
Help your child reintegrate as gently as possible, and as un-ironically as you can.

T is for “Trust.”
Yay! The tantrum is over. Until next time, anyway. This letter helps us remember that, over time, kids are learning that they can trust us to repeat this formula, for each and every temper tantrum.
It’s how they learn to master their own temper tantrums. In effect, it’s how you help them handle every temper tantrum.

I hope that’s helpful as you raise your kiddos!
If you need personal help – more than I can provide with the podcast, or this newsletter – consider working with me. I LOVE working with parents closely, to help them solve the problems that come up while raising kids, so they can have the kind of family life they dream about.
The kind of family life that Jen randomly searched for on the Internet, and wasn’t finding, until she joined NPC.
Click here to learn more about working with me. Or, hit reply to this email and ask any questions you’ve got! I’d love to chat about bringing you in to the community.
Keep reading below for What’s up on the podcast/In the Facebook group…

Wishing you a wonderful parenting week!

What’s up on the podcast this week:
A conversation about how to get your family going in the direction that you really want!
Click the link below to listen:


PS – If you’re enjoying this Weekly Parenting Newsletter, click here so you can sign up to receive it in your inbox, or forward it to a friend who needs a parenting boost today.