321: What is actually helpful for little kids when it comes to learning and technology? – My conversation with parents, teachers and authors Matt Miles and Joe Clement

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Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guests have written a book, called Screen Schooled, which has had a huge impact on how I think about my teenagers and their educations.
I found Matt Miles’ and Joe Clement’s book so compelling, and so full of great ideas for helping teens navigate the modern technical world, that I knew I wanted their take on young kids and tech. (They are both parents, each raising young children in their families.)
I knew I wanted to bring that perspective to you!
We discuss:
– How 21st-century skills are the same skills that human beings have needed throughout history
– What those most important skills are (hint: they are not tapping/swiping/navigating in our devices)
– How to incorporate technology into your life and family, for the biggest benefits and least amount of frustration and worry
– Matt and Joe’s responses to some fantastic We Turned Out Okay Facebook group questions:
“Any advice on what is actually helpful for preschoolers when it comes to learning and technology? There are a million apps and games billed as “educational” but what’s actually beneficial?”

“Often I hear the advice to “talk to your children about what they’re watching/playing”… So far the only times I’ve used this technique is to help them see why a certain game is questionable. I don’t otherwise ENJOY talking about the inane stuff they choose to do on their devices, so talking to them about it positively is really hard. What advice do these teachers have?”

“Will our children fall behind if they are not introduced to much technology at young ages?”

“I’m interested to hear how things have changed during [Matt and Joe’s] careers, and how they anticipate things evolving in the future… Since most of us have little kids and it’s hard to conceive of the world they’ll be living in 10 to 15 years from now.”

Hope you enjoy this conversation!

(Here is the link to this post : )

PS One place where you can get help with your challenges while raising little kids is the online community that I run, NPC.
During January 2020 you can spend your whole first month in the community for just $1! Click here for details.)

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
I’ve written newsletters on everything from remaining calm when they are throwing dirt at each other, to what to do when you feel like a failure.
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

320.5 Fourteen things you can do to address coronavirus with your family

When my husband Ben went grocery shopping this weekend, there were empty shelves instead of many things we normally get. Earlier in the day there had been not one but two fistfights in our local grocery store over supplies!

If you’re worrying about interruptions in the supply chain, the stock market, and other factors related to (or attributed to, anyway) coronavirus, you are not alone.

And right off the bat I want to say: we will get through this together.

How we get through this is how we get through any crisis: by not panicking. By staying positive. With LOTS of handwashing. And by helping our family members feel safe.

Today I’m sharing ideas for talking with your kids about coronavirus, as well as the best ideas I’ve learned regarding prevention and containment.
I am a child development expert, not a doctor, so I am linking here to several resources that have excellent information on stuff that is out of my purview, such as: Number of cases; who is most likely to get infected; how can you limit your chances of getting coronavirus; and how can you keep kids from getting it, or the flu.

Read on for 14 ideas to help your family, watch the video above to round out those ideas (and check the bottom of this post for the bonus podcast episode I’m doing; should be out sometime late in the first week of March 2020) – and most of all take heart.

We will get through this, together <3 Continue reading “320.5 Fourteen things you can do to address coronavirus with your family”

320: Kids and tech: what you need to know

Screens are here to stay – which is awesome on the one hand, and completely frightening on the other.
Especially when it comes to little kids.
It’s so hard to know:
– what is the right amount of screen time
– what is damaging or detrimental
– how to come up with guidelines about this in the first place
– how to implement those guidelines in the second

We discuss all of this today – in fact, we are talking kids and tech all month!

Join us as we kick off with a show about the basics:
Good guidelines to keep in mind with kids and technology, and also how you can implement those guidelines.
Click play to dive in!

Here’s a cheat sheet for this episode:

The guidelines –
1. We all need boredom in our lives.
Having digital (or nondigital, for that matter) distractions for every moment when we might feel bored creates people who do not know how to amuse themselves.
It even creates people who don’t know themselves.
So while it might not feel great, making sure that kids have a chance to be bored and need to figure out how to amuse themselves is super important.

2. Less is more.
The more time digital devices spend turned over and put away on a high shelf, the better.

3. Don’t let tech interfere with human connection and bonding.

How to implement the guidelines –
1. Pick your time with care.
2. Put the tech away, for lots of every day.
3. Always, ALWAYS be sure to watch YouTube along with your kids.
As kids and media specialist Devorah Heitner says, “there is no safe way for young children to watch YouTube alone.”
4. Mind your own tech use as well.

Here are the links that come up in today’s episode:
The newsletter I did about YouTube, the most dangerous place on the Internet.
(And here is where you can sign up to get future newsletters delivered right into your inbox : )

Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, a great PBS show

Anti-bullying expert Brooks Gibbs invites kids to try and bully him

https://weturnedoutokay.com/joinnpc, the place where you can work closely with me to solve your biggest parenting challenges, feel happy inside, and truly enjoy family time <3

Today’s episode is sponsored by the amazing Janine Halloran, expert in teaching kids coping skills, who has created a great resource to help your child handle it when the going gets tough!
Listen to today’s show to find out how to get 15% off your order, and then
Click copingskillsforkids.com/okay to check out Janine’s Coping Skills for Kids Cue Card Decks.

 

Thanks for listening and reading!

319.5: Why are kids so clingy? 5 case studies to help you handle your clingy child

What do you do when:
– Your six-year-old witnessed a traumatic event, and is so traumatized that he feels he can never be away from your side
– Your four-year-old “really misses mommy and daddy” and cannot enjoy his enrichment class
– You fear your three-year-old’s “declining independence,” because she increasingly needs you by her side as she is going potty, getting dressed, and going to sleep at night
– Your seven-year-old is afraid to be alone in the upstairs of your house, while you are downstairs
– Your 11-year-old is feeling anxious about getting separated while skiing

Each of these situations come up in today’s Live Case Study…
Join us and find out how to handle each!

PS – 50% off the annual Ninja Parenting Community rate

NPC member BabyBrain worried about her daughter’s fear of being alone in any room in their new house – so, she asked for help.
And I created an entire course on handling your child’s clingy behavior.
This course is a drop in the bucket of all the resources available for you there, to help you enjoy family time more.

This Leap Year, take the leap – 50% off Annual NPC membership!

Jump into the Ninja Parenting Community and start enjoying family life for real!
Click here for details, and to join at this amazing rate!

The following links come up in today’s Case Study:

My conversation with Dr. Laura Markham in episode 255 of the We Turned Out Okay podcast, https://weturnedoutokay.com/255

Some fantastic downloads by Dr. Deborah MacNamara, including one about “what kids worry about at different ages” http://macnamara.ca/downloads/

The link where you can learn more about how to work closely with me, solving your biggest parenting challenges to get you feeling happy inside yourself and also enjoying family time: https://weturnedoutokay.com/joinnpc

Cheers! And thanks for watching/listening!
Karen
Karen Lock Kolp, M.Ed.

Website: https://weturnedoutokay.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/weturnedoutokay

Helping parents change kids’ behavior from bad to good, feel happy inside, and TRULY enjoy family time : )

Why are kids clingy?

Happy Wednesday!

FYI: I go in depth on how to handle a clingy child in the free, live case study I am teaching at 2 PM EST today! Details below : )
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Earlier this week I did a Magic Words for Parents video, all about how terrifying it is for children when we do not “see” them.

In other words, when we invalidate their experience. When we tell them “there’s no such thing as ghosts,” or “stop crying, there is nothing to be afraid of.”

Today I want to combine that idea was something parents often confront: clingy kids.

– Kids who only want you, and no one else.
– Kids who cry when you leave daycare.
– Kids who cling to your leg when it’s time for you to say goodbye.
– Kids who insist that you stay with them as they fall asleep at night.

Why are kids clingy?

It’s a developmental thing, first and foremost.
We first see stranger anxiety in kids when they are around the age of learning to crawl/walk. Children’s growing brains do this because, now that they have the capacity to walk away, what’s to stop them from wandering away from the people who care for them?
It’s stranger anxiety that stops them.
Clinginess.

As kids get a bit older, we have the developing brain to thank again for clinginess – as their brains grow, so does their capacity for imagination.
Which brings the idea of monsters, fear of the dark, and other fears into our children’s minds.
(I am doing a live case study on this clingy behavior at 2 PM this afternoon! Click here to watch!)

How does not seeing our kids interact with clingy behavior?

Paradoxically, kids who feel invalidated can become more clingy, not less.

Continue reading “Why are kids clingy?”

319: A parent manifesto, a WTOO-approved show for kids, and more in today’s Parenting News Roundup!

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!
– A parenting book about showing up
– A new action-adventure podcast for kids ages 8 to 12
– An awesome ninja tactic for handling your child backtalk and disrespect
– A manifesto for parents by a beloved author
What do these all have in common?
They dive into the positive and important beliefs their creators have about raising kids – and being parents – in today’s busy and frazzled world.
Listen in to this week’s episode for lots of parenting news that will help you formulate and live your beliefs!
(Here is the link to this episode)

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
Past editions have included how to make it so your child wins the parent lottery (even if you did not), and helping when your child is frightened.
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Continue reading “319: A parent manifesto, a WTOO-approved show for kids, and more in today’s Parenting News Roundup!”

Emergency surgery for our son

Hi Friends,
if you could direct some of your positive energy up our way here in Massachusetts, it would be much appreciated.

Our son has been in the hospital since Monday, and in 24 hours between yesterday and today, will have undergone three procedures (only one of which was a surgery, but all of which involve anesthesia and scopes.)

The third will be late this morning. And we are hopeful that it will once and for all solve the problem he is experiencing.

This newsletter was supposed to be about something else entirely, and I hope to bring you that newsletter over the weekend.
But in the meantime please keep us in your thoughts if you would.

Here are some positives from the last few days that I would like to share: Continue reading “Emergency surgery for our son”

318: Parenting-Style Smackdown

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!
Recently an NPC member brought up a hugely important issue, and it sparked a whole line of thinking for me that led us to this video!

Here’s the issue: “It would be interesting to hear some data/facts on how harmful NOT disciplining your kids can be. So many times we focus on the negative effects of discipline – spanking, timeouts, etc., but what’s easy to forget is just how dangerous it is to take a backseat parenting your children.”

So let’s have a parenting-style smackdown:
Which is worse, Passive or Dictatorial Parenting?

The winner is… Both!
The worst parts of passive parenting – the lack of boundaries and having any expectations about our children’s behavior – and the worst parts of authoritarian (which here I’m calling dictatorial or autocratic) – exerting control, simply for control’s sake – both amount to a kind of neglect.

  • The passive parenting amounts to neglect because it is terrifying for children to not have any boundaries or expectations for good behavior.
  • The authoritarian parenting amounts to neglect because in this style, no thought is given to the child’s experience, thinking, or ability to reason.

What should we do instead?
We should try to hit the middle of the spectrum. Somewhere between the extremes of Passive, and Authoritarian, lies Authoritative, also called Wise. It’s the kind of parenting that will help you raise healthy and happy kids.
“The children of psychologically Wise parents,” Angela Duckworth writes in Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, fare better than children raised in any other kind of household.”

We dive into all that today!
I hope it helps you garner the courage to make any necessary changes in your parenting style.

Links and notes at: weturnedoutokay.com/318
Special thank you to the ninja parent who asked this question. I hope this helps <3

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each week I send out a couple parenting newsletters, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
I just wrapped up a series on “Kids gone sideways,” all about what to do when with meltdowns, disrespect, and potty training challenges…
Useful stuff!
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Today’s episode is sponsored by the amazing Janine Halloran, expert in teaching kids coping skills, who has created some great resources to help your child handle it when the going gets tough!
Listen to today’s show to find out how to get 15% off your order, and then
Click copingskillsforkids.com/okay to check out Janine’s Coping Skills for Kids Cue Card Decks.

Continue reading “318: Parenting-Style Smackdown”

What direction is your family going in?

I didn’t feel like I had control over the direction our family was going in.”
– Jen, NPC member and Mom of two

When longtime NPC member Jen came on the podcast in spring 2019, I asked her the question “what do you like best about being in the Ninja Parenting Community?”

I thought Jen would say “I love the courses,” or “I get so much out of private parent coaching calls with you Karen,” or even “I love that your parenting e-books are included in membership!”

I thought Jen would share about some individual aspect of the community, some tangible piece that she found helpful.

Instead, her response showed me: it’s not just the courses, or the e-books.
It’s not just the private coaching calls.

The Ninja Parenting Community gives parents the ability to take control of the direction their family is going in.

That is SUCH a big deal!

Imagine having that kind of control.

Imagine knowing how to use positive discipline to get your child to:
– Stop writing on walls
– Speak to you respectfully
– Work out arguments with siblings (instead of screaming or lashing out physically)

Imagine knowing how to overcome issues with school or day care.

Imagine successful potty training.

Imagine knowing how to treat yourself with compassion, how to forgive yourself when you slip up.

These are all hallmarks of a family that is going in the right direction.

And, these are all the things that I work on every day with ninja parents.

If you’re struggling with the direction your family’s going, I hope you’ll join the community that helps parents truly enjoy family time.

Click here to join the Ninja Parenting Community today!

Let’s get you the control over the direction your family is going!
Cheers,
Karen
The quote I live by: “The opposite of play is not work. It is depression.” – Brian Sutton-Smith

When your child is disrespectful

This is the final installment in my series on “Kids gone sideways.” Click here for last week’s about handling your child’s temper tantrums (and why tantrums are developmentally necessary in the first place.)

Has this ever happened to you?

“Yesterday evening there was one typical example. We had just arrived home, were unbuckling and gathering our items so we could exit the car, and I reminded her to bring her backpack. She suddenly sounded offended and said “I *KNOW* Mom!”
I felt annoyed that she was so rude, started questioning myself about whether I should have reminded her and then mad that I’m letting this tiny human make me question something I know is perfectly acceptable!
I’m unsure what to say that won’t escalate into a power struggle and so I say nothing immediately. As she grabbed her backpack I said “ you need to speak respectfully to me.” She ignored me and kept moving into the house.

I fear that this way of relating to each other will become a well-worn path, where she’s disrespectful, I call her on it, and she shrugs me off.

I’m feeling the importance of looking for something I can do that she won’t shrug off.

I guess that’s why I was asking for consequences I could impose.
But at the same time I know she needs to internalize her own reasons to be respectful; my expectations and my consequences won’t be enough for her.”
That was one ninja parent, a mom who had been frustrated for years with her daughter’s disrespect.

From these frustrated beginnings, this mom has mastered (and taught others in the community) a new ninja tactic!

Continue reading “When your child is disrespectful”