324: Why your child’s behavior may be worse now than usual, and what to do about it, with Janine Halloran, LMHC

Today we are bringing back – for the fifth time! – beloved guest, an expert in teaching kids coping skills, Janine Halloran LMHC of copingskillsforkids.com.

We discuss:
– How Janine is thinking about school work and all this extra time at home with kids and family
– The kinds of questions her clients are bringing to her right now, in spring 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic
– Why a child’s behavior is most likely worse than usual right now
– What you can do about that, if that’s the case in your home

Join us!
(Click the following link for the video of our talk, and also notes from today’s conversation: weturnedoutokay.com/324)

How are you staying positive? Let me know!

In our Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1607987166145505/

in Instagram:
http://instagram.com/weturnedoutokay

in Twitter:

All during April’s FREE OkayCon 2020 Virtual Summit we’re having live watch parties, so we can keep each other company in this era where we all need that!

Sign up to be notified about the guests and watch parties:
https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly

Join the We Turned Out Okay Facebook group, where the watch parties are happening each Monday and Wednesday all through April, by clicking here.

Find out details about the summit itself:
http://okaycon.com

We will get through this together : )
Cheers!
Karen
Karen Lock Kolp, M.Ed. of https://weturnedoutokay.com

Helping parents change kids’ behavior from bad to good, feel happy inside, and TRULY enjoy family time : )

PS Join my email newsgroup for lots of useful, free parenting tools, as well as lots of info on OkayCon, our Virtual Summit that is ongoing right now: sign up at weturnedoutokay.com/weekly

If you need some extra support, especially right now with all the madness, I’m offering special membership rates if you want to join our private coaching community, NPC. Click here for details and to join, so I can personally help you through this extremely challenging time!

321: What is actually helpful for little kids when it comes to learning and technology? – My conversation with parents, teachers and authors Matt Miles and Joe Clement

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Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guests have written a book, called Screen Schooled, which has had a huge impact on how I think about my teenagers and their educations.
I found Matt Miles’ and Joe Clement’s book so compelling, and so full of great ideas for helping teens navigate the modern technical world, that I knew I wanted their take on young kids and tech. (They are both parents, each raising young children in their families.)
I knew I wanted to bring that perspective to you!
We discuss:
– How 21st-century skills are the same skills that human beings have needed throughout history
– What those most important skills are (hint: they are not tapping/swiping/navigating in our devices)
– How to incorporate technology into your life and family, for the biggest benefits and least amount of frustration and worry
– Matt and Joe’s responses to some fantastic We Turned Out Okay Facebook group questions:
“Any advice on what is actually helpful for preschoolers when it comes to learning and technology? There are a million apps and games billed as “educational” but what’s actually beneficial?”

“Often I hear the advice to “talk to your children about what they’re watching/playing”… So far the only times I’ve used this technique is to help them see why a certain game is questionable. I don’t otherwise ENJOY talking about the inane stuff they choose to do on their devices, so talking to them about it positively is really hard. What advice do these teachers have?”

“Will our children fall behind if they are not introduced to much technology at young ages?”

“I’m interested to hear how things have changed during [Matt and Joe’s] careers, and how they anticipate things evolving in the future… Since most of us have little kids and it’s hard to conceive of the world they’ll be living in 10 to 15 years from now.”

Hope you enjoy this conversation!

(Here is the link to this post : )

PS One place where you can get help with your challenges while raising little kids is the online community that I run, NPC.
During January 2020 you can spend your whole first month in the community for just $1! Click here for details.)

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
I’ve written newsletters on everything from remaining calm when they are throwing dirt at each other, to what to do when you feel like a failure.
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Why are kids clingy?

Happy Wednesday!

FYI: I go in depth on how to handle a clingy child in the free, live case study I am teaching at 2 PM EST today! Details below : )
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Earlier this week I did a Magic Words for Parents video, all about how terrifying it is for children when we do not “see” them.

In other words, when we invalidate their experience. When we tell them “there’s no such thing as ghosts,” or “stop crying, there is nothing to be afraid of.”

Today I want to combine that idea was something parents often confront: clingy kids.

– Kids who only want you, and no one else.
– Kids who cry when you leave daycare.
– Kids who cling to your leg when it’s time for you to say goodbye.
– Kids who insist that you stay with them as they fall asleep at night.

Why are kids clingy?

It’s a developmental thing, first and foremost.
We first see stranger anxiety in kids when they are around the age of learning to crawl/walk. Children’s growing brains do this because, now that they have the capacity to walk away, what’s to stop them from wandering away from the people who care for them?
It’s stranger anxiety that stops them.
Clinginess.

As kids get a bit older, we have the developing brain to thank again for clinginess – as their brains grow, so does their capacity for imagination.
Which brings the idea of monsters, fear of the dark, and other fears into our children’s minds.
(I am doing a live case study on this clingy behavior at 2 PM this afternoon! Click here to watch!)

How does not seeing our kids interact with clingy behavior?

Paradoxically, kids who feel invalidated can become more clingy, not less.

Continue reading “Why are kids clingy?”

Mistaken beliefs about temper tantrums

Happy Wednesday!

FYI: This is the fourth newsletter in my “Kids gone sideways” series, about how we can get back on track when our kids drive us crazy .
Click here for the first in the series, about the intersection of our own self-worth and our children’s hangry meltdowns, and click here for the story of my second-worst day of potty training ever. Next week we will dive into dealing with disrespect in the final installment, so stay tuned!
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What do you believe about temper tantrums?
I wouldn’t blame you if your answer was: “I believe they should not exist!”

It is super frustrating that temper tantrums are a thing in the world.

It feels as if they do no good at all.
They are an intrusion into a happy family life, right?

But here’s the thing, temper tantrums are stepping stones on the way to a happy family life.
They are developmental necessities, key milestones in the social and emotional development of children.

I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true.

Consider what’s happening in your child’s development, when the temper tantrums really get rolling:
– A tremendous increase in understanding of the language spoken around them
– The acquisition of new vocabulary words at a seriously rapid rate
– A much larger ability to take in information, than the capacity to express themselves using language

It’s that last one that I want to bring your attention to. Continue reading “Mistaken beliefs about temper tantrums”

315: Drugging boys, and self-worth – first-ever Parenting News Roundup

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!
FYI, I’m teaching a Free Online Parenting Class on successful potty training this coming Thursday, January 30! Go to weturnedoutokay.com/successful for details and to register.

Welcome to our first ever Parenting News Roundup!
Over the month of January a theme has developed around here, with the interview and podcast episodes all relating to the idea of self worth.
This month I wanted to focus on parenting news that also had to do with us parents, feeling worthy and in tune with ourselves.
So, what does that have to do with boys, and medication for ADHD? You’ll have to listen to find out : )

Click weturnedoutokay.com/315 for links to everything I talk about today, including the articles featured in today’s Parenting News!

PS This subject is covered far more deeply in the community that I run, NPC.
During January 2020 you can spend your whole first month in the community for just $1! Click here for details.)

Ideas and Tools that Matter as You Raise Your Kids

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
I’ve written newsletters on everything from remaining calm when they are throwing dirt at each other, to handling hangry meltdowns and what that has to do with our own self-worth.
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Continue reading “315: Drugging boys, and self-worth – first-ever Parenting News Roundup”

Controlling behavior, consequences, and connection with your young child | Podcast Episode 311

Continuing in this end-of-year “big idea” line of thinking, one of our beloved Ninja Parenting Community members recently asked a huge, and great question:

“How can I relax and enjoy our relationship more and not feel like I’m always on the edge of discipline mode or like I should have handled things differently [with my 3-year-old]?”

Effectively she’s asking: do I have to control my young child’s behavior all the time, or is there anything else besides that?

Today’s episode is my response.

Video, the notes I posted in NPC, and links to everything we talk about are located at weturnedoutokay.com/311

Join us!

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
We’re doing a series right now on what to do when you feel like a failure, and who among us hasn’t felt like that at some point?
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Continue reading “Controlling behavior, consequences, and connection with your young child | Podcast Episode 311”

When your little asks HUGE questions | Podcast Episode 310

“He asked me tonight who God was…”
When Ninja Parenting Community member Mama Llama shared about this conversation with her three-year-old, I knew you were going to want to hear about it too.

This is a short-and-sweet episode (and it’s topsy-turvy, with the other stuff coming after the main part of the show, rather than before.)

But don’t be fooled by its brevity. We talk about something big! So big, maybe it can only be glimpsed at by us. I am excited to share, somewhat different, episode with you.

Plus in Parenting News:
I read from a recent Miss Conduct column on in-laws, and parents, and boundaries – and how you can feel good about yours.
(Ninja parents: click here for the live, members-only call which comes up in today’s Parenting News! If you’re not yet a member, but you would like to become one, click here.)

PS If this is a holiday celebration time of year for you, I hope it’s wonderful!

Join us!

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
We’re doing a series right now on what to do when you feel like a failure, and who among us hasn’t felt like that at some point?
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Today’s episode is sponsored by the amazing Janine Halloran, expert in teaching kids coping skills, who has created a great resource to help your child handle it when the going gets tough!
Listen to today’s show to find out how to get 15% off your order, and then
Click copingskillsforkids.com/okay to check out Janine’s Coping Skills for Kids Cue Card Decks.

Link to this post: weturnedoutokay.com/310

Continue reading “When your little asks HUGE questions | Podcast Episode 310”

“It’s the middle of the night and my child is awake. What do I do?” | Podcast Episode 308

This question came directly from a ninja parent with this problem:
“I can’t identify a trigger but [my three-year-old] wakes up sometime around 1 to 3 AM and is just wide-awake and mad that it’s not morning yet. Any tips on sleep stuff?”

In this episode we talk about what to do when your child wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn’t want to go back to sleep.

Join us!

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
Past editions have included how to make it so your child wins the parent lottery (even if you did not), and helping when your child is frightened.
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Today’s episode is sponsored by the amazing Janine Halloran, expert in teaching kids coping skills, who has created a great resource to help your child handle it when the going gets tough!
Listen to today’s show to find out how to get 15% off your order, and then
Click copingskillsforkids.com/okay to check out Janine’s Coping Skills for Kids Cue Card Decks.

Link to this post: weturnedoutokay.com/308
Continue reading ““It’s the middle of the night and my child is awake. What do I do?” | Podcast Episode 308″

Transition times

What comes to mind when you think of the word “transition”?

It’s one of those words that, in the early childhood biz, gets referenced quite a bit.

But to people who are not early childhood teachers, or experts in child development, transitions can look totally invisible.

In fact many parents that I work with will come to me with a major, massive struggle in their lives – being unable to leave the house because of their child’s temper tantrums (which started when they offered their kids the wrong shoes), for example – and it turns out to be a transition issue.

Transitions show up in the following ways: Continue reading “Transition times”

Are academics good for young children? Podcast Episode 305

NPC Cyber Monday special: 30% off of annual Ninja Parenting Community membership… Get on the waiting list (and get 7 of my best parenting resources – for free) by clicking weturnedoutokay.com/cybermonday!

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As a preschool teacher I used to get asked all the time about when we would be teaching reading. Or writing.
I could see the stunned disbelief on parents’ faces when we’d tell them “we don’t teach formal academics, children learn everything they need through play.”
It’s patently awful, and damaging, to force kids into academic learning too soon.
And yet it’s done all the time.
In this episode we discuss why, and what to do about it.

Plus in Parenting News:
I have been getting a lot out of the Live Above the Noise podcast, and so I want to highlight that for parenting news this week!

Join us!

(Links to everything talked about in this episode, plus a cheat sheet about the ideas we discussed, at weturnedoutokay.com/305 : )

Today’s episode is sponsored by the amazing Janine Halloran, expert in teaching kids coping skills, who has created a great resource to help your child handle it when the going gets tough!
Listen to today’s show to find out how to get 15% off your order, and then
Click copingskillsforkids.com/okay to check out Janine’s Coping Skills for Kids Cue Card Decks.

Continue reading “Are academics good for young children? Podcast Episode 305”