This is the latest in my summer-long series, taking you on my journey of recovering from overwhelm and burnout and learning ways to sustainably keep going. Click here for the first installment, “Feeling guilty.”
Hi Friends,
I’m still shocked and amazed by how much better I’m feeling, after a weekend of doing just one simple thing!
Well, simple to conceive… But not easy to implement.
The first thing I did to address it:
I dropped off the Internet.
Not completely – but almost.
What that mostly meant was I didn’t “obsessively check.”
(I decided to leave off what I’ve been obsessively checking… because, while I obsessively checked some things, yours may be different. But the point is we are all obsessively checking something. What helped was cutting that out!)
As a child development expert, I want to help you keep going in our new reality!
This conversation, recorded during March 2020 (in other words at the very beginning of the pandemic here in the US), I know will be super helpful for that.
I am excited to bring you my conversation with the author of one of my favorite parenting books (it’s called Happy Campers) – Audrey Monke of sunshine-parenting.com is today’s OkayCon 2020 guest!
Audrey shares:
– How to stay positive, even while everyone is cooped up together
– Some great family-focused activities you can do to make your stuck at home time more enjoyable
– What lessons Audrey, her family, and counselors and campers (who attend the summer camp Audrey owns and runs) are learning from this time
Learn how to keep going:
In my (free) Weekly Parenting Newsletters I am taking you on my journey of recovering from burnout, exhaustion, and huge feelings of guilt.
I am working to feel at peace with myself – to keep going, raising my kids, keeping our household running, and feeling happy inside – and if you want some tools to help you accomplish those miracles, click this link! Weturnedoutokay.com/weekly
NPC Summer Camp registration ENDS Wednesday 7/1
One way parents have been feeling way better, recovering from exhaustion, handling their kids’ fears, clinginess, and potty training issues: the Ninja Parenting Community.
Get access to everything in the community and enjoy a summer camp program created just for you, if you are looking for connection and positivity in our new reality!
I am closing registration to NPC on Wednesday, July 1 at 9 PM EST – enroll today, and take that first step toward being able to feel at peace with yourself and (sustainably) keep going!
Here is the link, jump in while there is still time: weturnedoutokay.com/joinNPC
Normally this Digest goes out only to current members of my online coaching practice, NPC.
I decided to share this email with everyone because it contains something super useful right now, as we continue to tread into the unknown.
Read on to find out what it is!
Settling Conflicts (NPC Training of the Week)
I’m using the weekly roundup of “what’s going on in our private online coaching practice” to share a training each week!
Today I’m sharing a tool, a PDF checklist – one tiny part of the resources in NPC – to help you in resolving conflicts with your kids.
Parents I work closely with have been very open about their concerns, as the virus surges in some parts of the country and nobody really knows how day cares or school will look, even though the new school year is just a few months away.
And yet, kids still experience big feelings.
They still have temper tantrums. They are still mean to each other, or disrespectful to us.
Today I want to share a case study, and I’m giving you the happy ending right away:
“Thank you for making this such a safe place to fall apart and then get back up again feeling stronger.”
A mom in my private coaching practice for parents, the Ninja Parenting Community, wrote these words yesterday.
I took that as a huge compliment!
As parents, we work really hard to create a safe space for our children to have their (developmentally necessary) meltdowns.
When this mom shared her feelings that the Ninja Parenting Community is a “safe place to fall apart,” I really felt that trust!
For a member to describe the community in this way, made my heart sing.
Parents bring me their deepest worries and fears about their children, about the frightening situations that come up in their parenting, and about themselves as parents.
It’s exactly what we do in there! Give a safe place to ask questions, to be vulnerable, and ultimately so parents can learn how to handle what you’re going through.
So you can get back up feeling stronger.
In my first year as a preschool teacher I worked with two four-year-old best friends, two little girls.
One was Black, and one was white.
One day I stood with them, waiting for their turns in the bathroom, as they held hands, smiling at each other, so happy to be each other’s best friend.
Then the white girl looked up at me and said:
“I don’t like Black people.”
I was shocked, dumbfounded.
I remember thinking, couldn’t this girl see that her best friend, the girl she’s currently holding hands with, is Black?
Clearly not.
In talking with my fellow teachers, they helped me understand that the white girl didn’t see her friend as “Black.” She simply saw her as her best friend.
I love this portrait of father and son, taken by photographer Blake Nissen and published in the June 7, 2020 edition of the Boston Sunday Globe.
“It’s as if we are going through the 1918 flu pandemic AND the Great Depression AND the Civil Rights era, all at once.” That’s what James Arthur said on his podcast, Minority Korner, in (and about) Spring 2020.
I think he’s right.
To get through it all we are going to have to work together!
That’s the spirit in which I bring you this episode. In this conversation on racial justice between my friend Shane Sams, and his friend Talaat McNeely, Talaat shares that we each must “Make change within our sphere of influence.”
Well, my sphere of influence is in teaching parents like you how to get your family going in the direction you want.
Today I link that idea up with getting this nation going in the direction we want: one in which everyone is treated fairly, and where parents don’t have to worry about their children being harassed, assaulted, or murdered because of how they look.
I hope this episode, all about raising anti-racist kids, will help you make these crucial changes within your sphere of influence.
FYI: Free live training course on raising good, kind kids – This week I’m doing not one but two live trainings, teaching on how a parent can change a child’s bad behavior to good… and one common mistake that well-meaning parents often make when trying to raise good, kind kids. (In other words, something that ups the bad behavior, when they’re trying to reduce it. It’s not a mistake you want to make.) Click weturnedoutokay.com/kind to sign up for the live trainings, this coming Thursday, June 11 and Sunday, June 14!
Because of my white privilege, I have been able to insulate myself.
I’ve been able to not see some important truths that have been right in front of me.
I have remained ignorant, when I should have been seeking education.
This week one of my friends, a white man from Kentucky, had an amazing conversation with one of his friends, a Black man from Chicago. Talaat McNeely and Shane Sams spoke for an hour and 45 minutes, and I was astounded and ashamed at the stories Talaat told.
Things that have personally happened to him and his kids, just because of the color of their skin.
I was:
– astounded by the differences in our experiences, Talaat’s and mine, which only came about because he happens to be Black, and I happen to be white. No one should ever, EVER be treated the way Talaat and his family have been treated.
– ashamed because I let it happen.
The simple fact that it is happening means that I have not done enough to stop it.
Talaat shares five key steps that we can take to stop racism.
(I don’t remember to bring up the first and most important one until we’re almost at the very end of today’s episode, so all along you’ll hear me talk about four key steps… But that first one is most important. Talaat brings it up right at the beginning of his conversation with Shane. It’s something you hear me talk about on the show again and again, and I still can’t believe it took me until the last part of this episode to talk about it in connection with stopping racism.)
There are about a million links today, so for those and a description of the five key steps we can take to stop racism – to raise anti-racist kids – click the following link: weturnedoutokay.com/334.
We need each other now, more than ever.
If you are reading this and you’re a person who (as the Black Panthers used to say) is Black or oppressed, you have my empathy, and my pledge to become educated instead of remaining ignorant about what has happened to you, and the part I have played in your troubles.
If you’re a person of privilege, I hope that like me, you’re open to moving forward on the path from ignorance, to education. And from there to support.
We will get through this together <3 Continue reading “334: How to raise anti-racist kids”→
“I feel so helpless.” This is something I’ve been hearing a lot from parents.
We can feel helpless within our own lives, our ability to control our children’s behavior. We can also feel helpless about world events, and what if any part we could play in alleviating suffering or injustice.
I am using today’s newsletter to share lots of resources that you may find helpful, both within your family and also regarding the wider world. The path from feeling helpless, to feeling in control and as if you can contribute positively, comes down (in my opinion) to two words: Leadership skills.
Recognizing that in our family, we are leaders, is a great first step in overcoming those feelings of helplessness.
I want to start this newsletter off with hugs. (And the request that perhaps you hydrate as you get ready to read… It’s a long one : )
And then, I’d like to ask you to take a deep breath – and consider the role that leadership skills play in creating a happy family, as well as in creating a world that is peaceful, joyful, and supportive of everyone.Continue reading “When a parent’s leadership skills really matter”→
FYI: NPC Grand Reopening sale : )
I have been working hard behind the scenes, creating a 5-module course on “How to keep going” and a training on “how to handle your child’s angry outbursts,” not to mention spring cleaning in the Ninja Parenting Community… the response from NPC members has been wonderful!
I’m excited to reopen NPC registration so you can get the help you need coming through the pandemic <3 Details below!
_______________________________________________I wrote the following in the NPC forums last week.
I am putting the whole post here in its entirety, for a few reasons:
– I wanted to show NPC as a place where everyone – even me – can feel safe to share their challenges
– I wanted you to be able to see the depth of learning, and how it happens on so many levels, from the smallest interaction with a child, to the biggest most overarching worries members may have
– I wanted to share a success! Just in case you’re feeling like they are pretty thin on the ground these days
(NPC Members: click here to celebrate this success with me in the community forums: )
I am so excited to bring you this installment of OkayCon 2020 with beloved guest, special needs preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso!
Tricia helps us:
– Work out a routine to make our days a little easier right now
– Help our kids through what they’re struggling with
– Keep going, even when we feel like we kinda can’t
I hope you find our conversation as helpful as I did!
(Scroll down in this post for the YouTube version of this conversation – and/or click the following link for all the OkayCon 2020 Free Virtual Summit presentations – weturnedoutokay.com/OkayCon2020 : )
“My biggest struggle is with my five-year-old. When she is angry she scratches, bites and sometimes hits. She also yells very loudly. I would love some advice on how to get her to stop.”
A listener wrote in with this question, and I knew it would probably resonate with many listeners.
Like us adults, kids are experiencing lots and lots of angry feelings – more so than pre-pandemic, without the usual outlets or often even the ability to leave the house and get a change of scene.
It can be difficult for adults to deal with our own rage, after years and decades of experience… It’s so much harder for kids to deal with their rage.
They need our help! Today I share a 3-part formula that I hope you find helpful in handling your child’s angry outbursts.
We’ve also got an impromptu Parenting News, featuring the following:
The Forge article “Your Only Goal Is to Arrive,” about how only one thing really matters right now in bringing our families through the pandemic.
A new book – Why are You Still Sending Your Kids to School? – from friend-of-the-podcast and expert in raising self-directed learners Blake Boles. I share the Amazon link here, but Blake asks that you consider purchasing it through “local bookstores, which could certainly use the business right now.”
(I share about this book both in the Parenting News, and also in the main part of this episode. I think it’s required reading, not just in handling your young child’s rage, but also in raising resilient and happy kids. Highly recommended!)
Join us!
Notes, including tons of links and a cheat sheet of the 3-part formula to handle your child’s angry outbursts, are at weturnedoutokay.com/331 : )
Also: I have been working hard behind the scenes, creating a 5-module course on “How to keep going” and a training on “how to handle your child’s angry outbursts,” not to mention spring cleaning in the Ninja Parenting Community… and in this episode I share when registration opens once more for NPC!
The response from NPC members has been wonderful, and I’m excited to open up the community for those of you who want the extra support coming through the pandemic.
Listen in to this episode to find out when registration opens, if you need that supportive community, and help from an expert in child development.
This is the latest in my summer-long series, taking you on my journey of recovering from overwhelm and burnout and learning ways to sustainably keep going. Click here for the first installment, “Feeling guilty.”
As a child development expert, I want to help you keep going in our new reality!
I am so excited to bring you this installment of OkayCon 2020 with beloved guest, special needs preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso!
“My biggest struggle is with my five-year-old. When she is angry she scratches, bites and sometimes hits. She also yells very loudly. I would love some advice on how to get her to stop.”