Feeling guilty

In a (pre-pandemic) live storytelling event, I looked and felt in my element. There was no guilt or imposter syndrome that day! In this post I outline how I plan to get back my mojo, and I share how I’m taking you along on this journey with me. (Photo by Jennifer Provost)

Hi Friends,

Just a quick note today, wishing you well and sharing a discovery I’ve made about myself:

I’m feeling guilty.

Guilty that I haven’t been as good a parent as I wanted to be in the pandemic.

Guilty for not doing enough to address systemic racism and other injustices.

Guilty that I dove into our emergency chocolate, and finished it all within a few days.

Guilty that, no matter how much I do, it doesn’t feel like enough.

Guilty for thinking “I don’t want to deal with this now” when someone in my family needs me for something.

Guilty for only doing my strength training once, in the last whole month.

And the list goes on.

It’s only just dawned on me that all this guilt comes from a couple places:

1. Exhaustion, mental and physical.
2. Imposter syndrome, that feeling of “who am I to think (I’m good enough/worthy/capable)?”

I don’t know about you, but I’m fed up with feeling guilty.

Exhaustion and imposter syndrome, while legitimate challenges, can be worked on and dealt with.

I’ve realized that I MUST work on them and deal with them.

I have that responsibility to myself, to my family, to you the parents I serve, and to the wider world.

Way back about a century ago, back at the beginning of 2020, I named ENOUGH as my word of the year.

After all we’ve been through, in our individual homes and families, as a nation, and as a world, I bet many of you reading are shouting that word, at least in your minds.
I know I am!

Instead of feeling guilty, I’m declaring that enough is enough.

I am taking the next 10 weeks to address my feelings of guilt, of inadequacy, of exhaustion, and I’m going to figure out how to overcome them.

I’m taking you along with me on this journey, checking in periodically with you on the podcast and in these newsletters, letting you know how I’m doing and what I’m finding out.

I will work to overcome my imposter syndrome and feelings of guilt.

I will work to get back to a place where I am at peace with myself and able to keep going in a sustainable way.

Sharing my findings with you, we can all benefit.
So can our kids, our families, and – because we are feeling in control, seeing things clearly (able to get past our own biases, something that is easier said than done), and determining how we might do some good within our sphere of influence – the world.

I hope you will come along on this journey with me!

I will count these 10 weeks a success when I can present to you a kind of roadmap of “overcoming guilt and feelings of unworthiness, to keep going in a sustainable way.”

That – to use my word of the year once more – will be enough.

Many hugs,