Making the best of a not so-great childcare situation

Forums Quarterly Parent Focus Childcare Communication Making the best of a not so-great childcare situation

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  • #5208
    MamaLlamaMamaLlama
    Participant

    I let the teacher know I had thought about some ways (head teacher, not the one I talked to last night) that we use at home to help promote positive behavior and handle negative behavior and I got  the notebook so I could  write them down on the inside cover. (I actually brought a notecard – scribbled down in purple crayon during our call- so I could remember the points I wanted to make). Got kind an an mmhmm okay, not that interested response but she at least listened. I also chatted with the director and she said they have added in a daily sensory bin to choice time- with him and a few other kids in mind and he now spends most of choice time there. I really emphasized that we want to work with them.

    The real win was how is day went and how the curriculum director (who i talked to last night) responded at pickup. Today’s report was mostly positive!

    She said “I think there might be something to the idea of him leaving a situation when he gets overwhelmed, he was playing in the bean bin and was happy with one other kid but when it got crowded he left”

    One incident of hitting another kid with a block and the teacher had “a friendly chat” about not hitting and then he stood by the teacher while they lined up to go outside (some blessed >40 F days this week!)

    The rest of the notes were about how much he was into scooping and pouring beans, that activity   “helped with the commotion of the room” and how having a stack of books on his nap mat to start at naptime helped him stay quiet and then he said yes to back patting (I made sure to let them know that I really appreciate them giving him the choice on that) and how he happily shared one of his two trucks when a friend asked. I’m honestly surprised at how many positive things they recorded, this really felt like a witch hunt type scenario!

    DaddyLlama is pretty  pleased as well. This gives me hope that we might just make it another 3mo.

    Did I mention that in 13 days on the Miralax he has only had 2 pee accidents and no poop accidents? Still wears a pullup at nap and night which is fine.

    #5210
    Avatarjen
    Participant

    What a string of great successes!!!

    #5211
    MamaLlamaMamaLlama
    Participant

    What a string of great successes!!!

    Thanks Jen!

    #5214
    Karen Lock KolpKaren Lock Kolp
    Keymaster

    I know you guys can do it! I am so excited for all your successes Mama Llama!

    Host of the We Turned Out Okay podcast
    Author of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child
    Head Honcho of the Ninja Parenting Community

    #5219
    MamaLlamaMamaLlama
    Participant

    The notebook continues with increasingly “stretch” type reports-

    he almost knocked over a block tower by getting too close and the other kid told him no and then a teacher was able to redirect him. (Why is this in the book?)

    He hugged a friend and the friend said stop and he didn’t stop so a teacher engaged with him and he stopped and found a new activity. (Sounds like a 3yr old learning, again how is this noteworthy?)

    He is having trouble listening to the teacher so they are using a timer (no idea what for- need ro clarify) and he got mad and threw it on the floor yesterday (why did he have access to their timer?). I’ll be writing those questions in the notebook or asking the teacher.

    No hitting for 2 days now and they are starting to write things like –

    he went all morning with positive peer interaction.

    He wanted to talk at naptime and a teacher came to sit by him and he went to sleep.

    At drop off yesterday we had quite the rough time, he picked up toys off a table that other kids apparently weren’t done with whih led to 1 kid running around the room with a teacher chasing them to get a toy back and the other kicking/throwing chairs and trying to knock over the heavy wooden play kitchen. (Nice kid by the way, met his parents at the daycare bestie’s bday party last summer)  She didn’t really make an effort with either kid, just called the office for backup and they removed the kid who was throwing chairs to the office for a break. Little Llama was very upset by all this and sobbed in my arms (pausing to share a toy with his sweet bestie to asked for one of the trucks). I stayed with him till he was feeling better and he happily waved at the door.

    The nonsense they are writing in his book at this point feels like maybe they are getting ready to phase the book out or at least will just keep writing nonsense, while it seems the problems are only escalating with the others.

    I’m so glad he has his one good friend there, and that we are officially at the 3mo mark.

    We had a couple of hitting incidents (towards me) this weekend and I was able to help him redirect the anger to ball throwing, pillow kicking and stomping and both ended with him in my arms and me saying “you hit mama and that hurt my body, I didn’t like it” (but not asking how he could fix it) and him coming in for a hug and saying sorry mama, sorry mama! That seems huge to me on the learning empathy!

    #5220
    Karen Lock KolpKaren Lock Kolp
    Keymaster

    Here is the passage that really says it all to me: “she didn’t really make an effort with either kid, just called the office for backup….”

    I am so glad you were there to help Little Llama feel safe. And I am glad he was able to get past that and cheerfully see you go.

    Just like you, I am mystified at the existence of this “aggression” journal. I’m glad they’re writing more positive things in it, and I am really proud of you because to me it sounds like your questions and calm insistence on positive redirection is making a huge difference for your boy. Maybe they will make that connection, and stop the escalation with the other kids. Because it is within their power to change that, we can’t expect 3-year-olds to rein in their own behavior.

    Overall the change that I am happiest with is how you are viewing Little Llama, and the other kids as well. Every child can be goaded into bad behavior, and every child can also be shaped positively by knowledgeable, nurturing, and caring adults around him.

    You’re helping him SO much. You’re developing his empathy at home, with the interactions that you describe (yay!), and the best news is you’ve only got three months left here, before home and childcare align in terms of values and philosophy.

    Lots to be thankful for here <3

    Host of the We Turned Out Okay podcast
    Author of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child
    Head Honcho of the Ninja Parenting Community

    #5256
    MamaLlamaMamaLlama
    Participant

    Sure didn’t see this one coming!

    I thought that the assistant teacher (who clearly didn’t mesh well with LittleLlama and just seemed burned out- she started in this class a couple months ago) was out sick last week as the 2’s teacher we had really liked was helping daily in LittleLlama’s class. Some of center- ingrained stuff about not getting enough physical activity and then them getting frustrated when LittleLlama was climbing on stuff had happened in her class too but overall we thought she set a good tone in her class and she’s positive and friendly. Also Little Llama adores her.

    Found out this morning that was actually a trial run and 2’s teached and the difficult assistant teacher have permanently swapped classes as they think the preschool class will do better with a teacher they know well (2’s teacher had most of them for 9mo or so).

    DaddyLlama and I are really happy about this move and I think it’s going to make our last three months better. The challenging main teacher (daughter of director) is still there but she’s less negative and more inexperienced. The former toddler teacher is young but did a pretty good job with classroom management in the 2’s so I’m hopeful they work well together!

    Will keep you posted!

    #5257
    Karen Lock KolpKaren Lock Kolp
    Keymaster

    Thanks for sharing Mama Llama! I really hope that works out. It sounds like a very positive step in the right direction 😊

    I’m so glad that Little Llama adores her, and I am glad that you will keep us posted!

    Host of the We Turned Out Okay podcast
    Author of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child
    Head Honcho of the Ninja Parenting Community

    #5285
    MamaLlamaMamaLlama
    Participant

    One again, I find myself as a loss for words on how to deal with their nonsense.

    Apparently LittleLlama had an accident around 10am (the first in a week) not sure if he ran out of underwear or what, but he was in a pullup at 6pm pickup time and on the way home told me that his teacher (the one recently moved back in with his class) called him a baby because of the pullup. He was really upset about it. I reassured that was not kind, he’s not a baby and I would help him get underwear as soon as we got home. He brought it up twice more this evening.

    Any tips on addressing it in the morning? I’m so mad!

    2 months to go….

    #5286
    Karen Lock KolpKaren Lock Kolp
    Keymaster

    How awful! I can completely understand why you’re so mad. And why Little Llama is so upset.

    I made you this video to give you some ideas about what to do from here on out (and summed it up below as well):

    1) At home:
    Continue with the positive reinforcement.
    Help him understand that he is not a baby, including inviting him to join you in listing all of the things that he can do, that a baby cannot.
    Talk about it with him as often as he needs to, letting him bring it up.

    2) At school:
    Take the teacher aside and tell her how upset Little Llama has been, and how confusing it’s been for him to be called a baby.
    Share that, from here on out, you’d prefer it if they use ONLY positive reinforcement: “it’s been a whole week since your last accident! Don’t worry about this accident. Next time, can you remember to get to the potty?”

    If you get a response you do not love – either defensiveness, or excuses – I recommend asking for a meeting with the director.
    Bring up exactly the same things, how upset Little Llama has been, how focusing on the negative doesn’t have good results for him, and how this teacher needs to understand about using positive reinforcement, and that you’re bringing it up because you’re concerned she does not in fact understand that.

    Just two more months my friend. You’ll get through this <3

    Host of the We Turned Out Okay podcast
    Author of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child
    Head Honcho of the Ninja Parenting Community

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