Are Timeouts Effective Discipline? A Your Child Explained Episode (Podcast Episode 229)

I’m so excited to bring you this week’s show, all about timeouts!

  • Also:
    I announce the name of the parenting book I’m working on right now! And I share some exciting news: the introduction to this book is available for you to read, for free, at Patreon.com/weturnedoutokay!
  • This week’s Magic Words for Parents video shares a quick phrase you can use to stop your child’s begging and whining in stores like Target or food shopping. Watch by clicking here to join the We Turned Out Okay Facebook group, or by clicking here to watch in YouTube, where there’s a whole playlist of Magic Words!
  • Thanks to all the We Turned Out Okay Patreon patrons, and shout out to Tiffany, our latest patron! Tiffany’s getting some awesome rewards, which you can get too, listen to today’s show and go to Patreon.com/weturnedoutokay for more information : )

Do you find that giving a time out

to your young child is an effective way to change that child’s behavior?

Maybe you find, as one coaching client of mine does, that timeouts become “a battle of wills” and aren’t effective at all.

Maybe your young child runs away from the timeout chair, giggling and leaving you super frustrated…

If so, this is the show for you because today I’m teaching how to effectively discipline your young child!

For notes on today’s episode including my 4-step formula for disciplining effectively, as well as to sign up for my 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting live, online class, go to weturnedoutokay.com/229.

Thanks for listening!

Continue reading “Are Timeouts Effective Discipline? A Your Child Explained Episode (Podcast Episode 229)”

Firmness or Flexibility: which is more important in parenting? (Podcast Episode 225)

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Maybe you have said to yourself,

when you’re watching a parent fail miserably to bring a recalcitrant child under control, “that will NEVER be me. I pride myself on order and discipline in my house!”

Or, maybe you’ve heard snide comments from teachers or relatives about your child “ruling the roost,” and it’s frustrating because you don’t want to be a disciplinarian. That’s not why you had kids, to order them around!

So, which is it? Do you need to be firm? Or do you need to be flexible?

Listen to today’s episode to find out!

For notes on this episode including:

– The answer to this dilemma of flexibility vs. firmness
– The sign-up for the 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting FREE online class, which distills everything I’ve learned into 3 simple lessons for true enjoyment of this parenting life
– Key Links and every back episode of We Turned Out Okay

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/225.

Thank you so much for listening! Continue reading “Firmness or Flexibility: which is more important in parenting? (Podcast Episode 225)”

A Counterintuitive Positive Discipline Ninja Tactic for Today’s Your Child Explained Episode (Podcast Episode 214)

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“I HATE to yell at you… But you make me do it. It’s your fault.”
Recently, I spoke with a mom who said that she tells her kids this all the time.

Do you ever feel like this, when your child is giving you crazy attitude ?

Or when your child is whining, or picks a fight with a sibling over absolutely nothing at all?

In short, do you ever feel like you cannot take your child’s bad, embarrassing behavior for one more second?

If so, today’s episode gives you a ninja tactic that will completely change this dynamic!

If you really care about stopping your children’s annoying behavior before it starts, and you really care about not flying off the handle with them… Today’s episode shows you how to do it.

Listen in to find out how to do it right!

 

3 Secrets of Happy Parenting:

You know that fear and dread that you feel can about spending time with your young child?

Those hours that drag on, when paradoxically it feels like there is so much to do but also the minutes just creep by, super slowly, moment by agonizing moment?

I am excited to share the 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting, which give you the power to overcome that fear and dread and truly enjoy the time you spend with your kids.

Learn these 3 Secrets in my Live, Online Class

So, I know in this episode I say “the 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting Minicourse is all ready for you!”
Life interfered this time: I got bronchitis and I’m still recovering…

But what IS ready: the 3 Secrets of Happy Parenting Live, Online Class!

The Minicourse is still in production, but in the meantime learn these three secrets while connecting with me live!

By the end of this live, online 40-minute class, you’ll know how to make the time you spend with your kids really enjoyable time.

Click the link below for details and to register:
weturnedoutokay.com/secrets

Other key links over at weturnedoutokay.com/214
Thank you so much for listening : ) Continue reading “A Counterintuitive Positive Discipline Ninja Tactic for Today’s Your Child Explained Episode (Podcast Episode 214)”

Podcast Episode 159: A New Ninja Tactic for this Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

It’s been a busy few weeks in the Ninja Parenting Community – I counted twenty different issues that parents in there are collectively dealing with – and I knew that, if they’re having these issues, most likely so are you!

Lots of them are bigger issues – but some of them can be resolved so easily. In today’s episode, I talk about one of the latter, and how simply by changing one phrase to a related, but different phrase makes disciplining our kids lots easier.

The reason has to do with child development, and the simple fact that kids aren’t just small adults; they have a completely different way of understanding the world from us. Once we know that, it makes everything else easier.

To find out more about today’s ninja tactic, listen to this short-and-sweet episode, or go to weturnedoutokay.com/159 for show notes and key links!

Continue reading “Podcast Episode 159: A New Ninja Tactic for this Your Child Explained Episode”

147: THE Key to Being Happier At Home: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Back in episode 140, parenting author KJ Dell’Antonia gave us many more great ideas than could be digested in one conversation… So for the first time in We Turned Out Okay history she’s got 3 Your Child Explained episodes all to herself!

In our conversation KJ commented: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

Today: the one thing you can do in your parenting that makes everything else either easier or unnecessary! (Can you tell I’ve been reading The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan?)

Click weturnedoutokay.com/147 to to listen, to sign up for tonight’s (Thursday, March 30, 2017, 8 PM EST) live, free NPC FAQ Q&A (at which you can grab a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, my e-book that helps you handle everything your little kids can throw at you) AND to sign up for the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class coming up in April!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

And/Or:  Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

 

I start today’s show off by remembering KJ’s comment: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

So, what’s the key, one thing we parents can do to ensure more happiness in our parenting, with our children, and in our homes?

It’s (drumroll, please…) Follow-through.

Every time we’re inconsistent we make life with children tougher and more of a struggle – on both them and us.

Kids need our consistency to feel safe, and to trust that the limits we set up will be there the next time they push on those limits. And the next time… And the next time.

So if we, as KJ mentions, “stop nagging and just do it ourselves,” we’ve set a limit – and then failed to keep that limit in place.

Today’s conversation focuses a little bit on the 4 C’s of leadership (which I’ve amended to the 5 C’s).

Originally a business world concept, I have found that the C’s of leadership, whether 4 or 5, make a huge difference in how parents view their roles at home. Kids need a strong leader (or two), and when we realize that and step into that role, everything gets easier.

Key Links:

Here is my conversation with KJ in episode 140; click here for episode 141, the first Your Child Explained referencing our conversation, and here for the second KJ-based YCE, episode 144.

For more on the 5 C’s of leadership and how they can be used in family life, check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help parents navigate the minefield that is modern parenting. Check it out there – but then, to get it for FREE, come to tonight’s NPC FAQ Q&A! Click the button above to sign up, and bring your questions : )

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

141: Use This Ninja Tactic to Cut Down on Your Child’s Bad Behavior – A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

During Tuesday’s guest conversation, mom and author KJ Dell’Antonia shared the results of a pretty big (1000-person) survey of parents she commissioned as research for her upcoming book.

The thing that parents worry about most?
“Discipline,” KJ shares.

Discipline enters into many aspects of our parenting lives.

It’s firmness in enforcing rules; consistency in keeping routines established; being good models for our children.

During our conversation, I share a lesson taught to me long ago, in my first years of teaching, about “not moving our kids’ walls.”

KJ was so taken with this idea that she quotes me in her blog this week!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/141 to listen, and to read about how moving our children’s walls creates the bad behavior we really don’t want to see.

Today’s show is brought to you by the We Turned Out Okay free guide to Handling Every Temper Tantrum:

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Moving our kids’ walls is another way of expressing the importance of consistency.

(And consistency is… One aspect of discipline. We’re back to that again, my friend.)

Here’s what KJ wrote in her Week 3 Chore Challenge blog post about moving walls:

I was a guest on Karen Lock Kolp’s “We Turned Out Okay” podcast today, and she said something very insightful (which she attributed to an older teacher who was part of her teacher training earlier in life):

“If you tell a child you expect them to do something, like put away the blocks every time he’s used them, then that’s sort of a room you’ve created in his brain, where things work a certain way, where there are certain walls. Then if some of the time, you let him leave the blocks without putting them away, you’re moving the walls. And nobody likes it when the walls move.”

When we’re inconsistent, when we keep changing the rules (or enforcing them only sometimes) – were moving our children’s walls.

It’s very scary for them when their walls move.

When children are scared, they will react in any number of ways: with tantrums, whining, tears… In short, behavior that we don’t want to see. In shorter, bad behavior.

That’s why this idea of not moving their walls is so important.

I love it because it starts with us; our consistency – or lack of – is what really matters here.

Of course, that’s why I also hate it; it puts the responsibility squarely on me to be consistent!

If that can happen at least most of the time, believe me, it will be enough.

Key Links:

Click here to read KJ’s Chore Challenge blog post.

Click here to join her chore challenge!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child. Not moving our kids’ walls comes up in here – because it’s a great ninja tactic! Read my book to learn more about this one, and many other ninja tactics that will help you in your parenting every single day.

140: How to Be Happier In Your Parenting: A Conversation with Mom, Author, Columnist and New York Times Contributing Editor KJ Dell’ Antonia

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guest didn’t set out to be a writer. But after getting her law degree and being a practicing attorney for six years, she made a discovery: law just wasn’t her thing; instead, she found, she was a writer.

In the spirit of finding stuff out through writing, KJ Dell’Antonia began freelancing about motherhood; she’s written for Slate magazine, Parenting magazine, Parents magazine, and many others. She is now a contributing editor and columnist on the Well Family page at the New York Times, and currently on book leave to write – what else? – a book that’s going to help us be happier in our parenting.

KJ shares where her research for this as-yet-unnamed parenting book is taking her, and you’re going to be thrilled because she’s investigating all the problems that you are most likely currently living with!

To find out how to handle getting your kids to do more around the house, how to help with homework, and how to be a part of KJ’s chores project (i.e.: getting your kids to do more chores) click weturnedoutokay.com/140!

Today’s episode is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Do you struggle to manage your child’s behavior at home?
Is she in trouble at school or child care?
Is he starting to think of himself as a “bad kid” – even though you know he’s not?

Get the expert advice, training courses, and support you need

To help your children, but especially to help yourself.
The Ninja Parenting Community teaches moms and dads just like you to get into their best parenting mindset and thus be happier, less stressed, and more confident in parenting and beyond.

Click here to learn more about the Ninja Parenting Community, and start worrying less and enjoying more at home!

Guess what the vast majority of parents struggle with on a day-to-day basis?

KJ’s done extensive research on this, even commissioning a study with 1000 parents, for her upcoming book.

Her research shows that most parents struggle with one concept:

Discipline.

(I know… It sounded familiar to me too.)

Today, KJ shares how discipline wends its way through everything else in our parenting lives: chores, homework, consistency.

KJ is currently running a free project for parents (herself included : )
Click here to see what it’s all about!
Also! In our conversation today I bring up the concept of not moving kids’ walls… And KJ honored me by using this concept in week three of her chore challenge! Click here to read more : )

You can also find KJ:
on instagram here; and on twitter here.

She’s really fun to connect with out in the social media world, and not just for the adorable and funny Playmobil pictures she posts!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child in Amazon; you can even read the introduction for free to determine if my book will be helpful to you.