Podcast Episode 178: Three steps to more responsible kids

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Do you ever wish your kids took on more around the house? Does the prospect of getting to that point seem so overwhelming that you give up before you’ve even started?

Today we’re talking about the how to foster responsibility in kids – not an easy task!

The way I see it, there are 3 things we can do to encourage responsibility in our kids.

Listen to today’s show to find out what they are and how to put them into practice!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/178 for key links and notes to this episode, and to sign up for the challenge. And have a great day! Continue reading “Podcast Episode 178: Three steps to more responsible kids”

123: Helping Sabrina Manage Overwhelm and Expectations: A Your Child Explained Episode

Sabrina's daughters visiting Santa.
Sabrina’s daughters visiting Santa.

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, Ninja Parenting Community member Sabrina shares about the concerns she’s having right now: how to manage her children’s expectations, everyone’s feelings of overwhelm – and balancing her own needs with the needs of her family.

Recorded in early December, Sabrina has both a daughter’s birthday coming up as well as the busy and overwhelming-in-and-of-itself holiday season.

Sabrina got to have this conversation with me because she is a member of our Ninja Parenting Community.
If you want my help sorting out your toughest parenting issues, you should join too!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/123 for show notes and key links!

In our forums, Sabrina recently wrote:

“I’d like to know about how to set expectations with kids. It was great traveling last year because we could keep presents to a minimum. I’d much prefer giving them an experience, or donating to kids in need, than buying lots of presents. I realize though, that seeing lots of presents under a tree is part of what makes Christmas magical for kids. Amy’s birthday is the week before Christmas, so we have a double whammy!”

During our call, this caring mom shared about a feeling that many of us experience at this time of year: how to balance our wants and needs with those of our kids and the rest of our family.

Specifically, for several years now Sabrina has sacrificed her ideals of how to decorate for Christmas, giving in to what her two young girls want.

It may not seem like a big deal on its face. But during the whole Christmas season, Sabrina’s every day visual and kinesthetic needs are not being met!

We talk about how to bring that up within her family, and also about how to make family time during this season emphasize quality time, how the traditions that Sabrina’s family has built up over the years truly make this season a great one for raising children.

 

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Key Links:

Sabrina’s book, Hannah and Amy Go to Peru, is the first in her series about the year that Sabrina and her family traveled the world. Click here to check out the book in Amazon!

076: How Our Expectations as Parents Shape Our Kids – a Your Child Explained Episode

When I interviewed Erik Wagter for episode 75, Tuesday’s guest episode, I’d just finished reading an article about a man named Matthias Buchinger, who despite having no hands or feet, despite missing parts of his legs, danced, performed magic in front of large audiences and heads of state, created amazing art, married four times and was the dad of fourteen children.

My conversation with Erik, which centered on fostering a great relationship with our children, and largely on Erik and his family’s relationship with their autistic son, seemed to me to relate an awful lot to this article about Matthias (click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/075 to listen).

Author Beverly Beckham shares about her grandchild, born with Down’s syndrome, and how the vast majority of their friends and family were “full of sorrow and sighs.” Nearly everyone’s expectations for this new life was that it would be compromised, not a full life – and Beverly eloquently writes about all that Matthias accomplished, relating it to our expectations for our children and how these expectations can shape their lives.

Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/076 to listen, and for key links from today’s episode!

Key Links:

Beverly Beckham writes for the Boston Globe; read her amazing article, “How did he dance without legs?” here.

Listen to Tuesday’s conversation with dad, trainer, and educator Erik Wagter by clicking here or going to weturnedoutokay.com/075.

Check out the introduction of my book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics – written for you, if you struggle to enjoy the days with your young child – for FREE at Amazon.com! Click here to go to the book’s page in Amazon.com.

071: How to Raise A Responsible Child, Part Two

<<How do you handle it when a stranger rubs your baby bump, or gets all judgy in the grocery store about your crying child?

If you’ve been in a situation like this but didn’t know how to handle it, you’re in luck – etiquette expert and Boston Globe Magazine columnist Miss Conduct, a.k.a. Robin Abrahams, is coming back on the show!

Her wonderful and often laugh-out-loud advice on how to get along with others will help you through the toughest social situations you can think of.

And… Robin wants to take your questions!

If you’re dealing with a sticky etiquette situation, write me at weturnedoutokay.com/contact by Tuesday, May 3, and time permitting Robin will answer your question!

We’ll take questions in the order they were sent, so get yours in ASAP to make sure Miss Conduct has time for yours!

Listen to my first conversation with Robin by going to weturnedoutokay.com/042. >>

Back in episode 68, we started this conversation about helping your child take one hundred percent responsibility for his actions.

In that episode we talked largely about mindset, and how our mindset influences our kids’ behavior; I also shared my first parent ninja tactic in raising an honest, responsible child:
Consistency. Today I return to this first tactic, sharing about the brick foundation each of us carries around in our heads, the result of the many interactions we had going back to the day we were born. The more of these bricks that are laid straight and smooth, mortared with love, the better foundation we have as we grow. Keeping our actions consistent in dealing with our kids helps their foundations be the best they can be.

Today I introduce the second and third tactics involved in raising responsible children:
Following through – when you ask them to do something and they fail to do that, what actions do you take next? Or when they hurt the feelings of you or someone else, what can you say to help them learn to stop doing that?
Expectations – what we expect of our kids shapes their behavior. If we expect them to be manipulative, or sneaky; if we are suspicious of their actions, they will rise to those expectations.
On the other hand if we expect honesty and use consistency and follow-through to insist on our children’s responsibility, they will turn out that way simply because we expect it. (I know – it does sound very woo-woo! But it’s really true. Honest.)

During this episode I have a difficult time coming up with something mean that a child might say – precisely because Ben and I have always had the expectation “in our home, we share feelings, not insults” and Max and Jay have completely fulfilled our expectations! They disagree, of course; but they do not mistreat each other in their disagreements.
That’s what happens when you combine consistency, follow-through, and expectations in raising honest, responsible kids 🙂
I hope you enjoy this episode!

If you’re listening to this the day comes out – Tuesday, April 26, 2016 – you are in luck because Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics (if all has gone well) is live in Amazon and still FREE today! I wrote this book for you, if you want to raise good kids while preserving your sanity as a parent. It’s a whole toolbox of the most popular, most-downloaded episodes of We Turned Out Okay; these episodes get so many listens because they help you through the tough moments. With chapters that help you, for example, Make No Sound Like Yes. I hope this book helps you worry less and enjoy more with your young kids!