Before we get started I just want to apologize to any of you who might not care to know very much about the undergarments of your favorite child development expert : )
But this was the letter that was in my heart to write today. There’s a very good reason, one I hope you’ll find relevant to your life!
But I completely understand if you want to not read today’s letter.
Don’t feel that you must. I’ll be back next week with another newsletter. (And perhaps it will not contain such… intimate subject matter… If you’d like my next newsletter to be delivered right into your inbox, click here: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly.)
Prior to becoming a mother I had always believed that wearing a bra meant strapping yourself into serious foundational support.
Going out into the world? Going to be seen by anyone but yourself, or your closest family?
Time to harness up!
As an entrepreneur, I enjoy keeping my ear to the ground and understanding what is going on in the world of entrepreneurship and business-building.
Something that’s come across loud and clear this year is the idea that we MUST offer a “Black Friday Craaaazy Deal!”
Start early, we are told.
Hammer your email list.
Get into those inboxes way before Thanksgiving, and email them daily – even multiple times a day – through Cyber Monday.
Offer a crazy deal where the emphasis is all on speed, cheapness, and constantly being in people’s faces.
It seemed so inhumane, getting on your case poking and prodding and bugging and begging you to “buy my thing.”
By early November I knew that was not going to be my jam. The very idea made me feel sick to my stomach.
So I asked myself:
“What is the opposite of a Black Friday Craaazy Deal?”
And then I asked Ben.
He told me to be sure that, whatever I did offer, make it truly address the struggles that parents confront each day.
He reminded me that they – that you – have real problems.
And that I can help you overcome those problems and thrive.
“Parents have enough to worry about,” he told me.
Parents right now are feeling…
1. Walked all over. By their kids, by friends, by parents and in-laws, by teachers.
2. Worried about their kids. They fear children being perceived as “bad.” That they won’t be able to connect with others or make friends, won’t be able to learn and become educated, won’t be able to live a good life.
3. Exhausted. Parents have no time for a break, or a hobby. They are just DONE.
I decided that anything I offered would be the opposite of a Black Friday Crazy Deal.
Before I share about my decision, I wanted you to know that I’m excited to be speaking at the upcoming Empowered Parenting Summit, which starts next week. I’m honored to be included among 20 educators and experts with so much superb knowledge to share. The host, teacher Sarah Scheldt, is sweet and wonderful and I’m excited to bring her onto my show in 2021.
I will be presenting on Playful Ways to Empower Your Parenting, a subject that I feel even more passionate about since my recent hospitalization for diverticulitis. It was brought on at least in part by forgetting to play.
Register for free for the Empowered Parenting Summit by clicking here.
You know it’s going to be a peculiar day when you find yourself thinking “I’m thankful for my recent hospitalization, because it was a long-overdue reckoning about what is wrong in how I run my life.”
Honestly, that is how I’ve been feeling this week.
As a child development expert one of the most important jobs I have is to give parents permission to disagree with teachers or other authority figures in their children’s lives.
Starting at around the 50-minute mark we talk about that. It’s coming up for many podcast listeners and Ninja Parents right now, and it’s important to discuss!
But first, I share three super important lessons that I learned the hard way recently, by ending up in the hospital with diverticulitis. It’s the illness I had nine years ago that brought on the tendon condition that I lived with ever since, so there was some serious PTSD in getting it again!
It was no accident that I got it now, in the pandemic with pressure mounting societally, in our home, and with the families I serve.
I got it by failing to adhere to these lessons, which I will list for you right now:
1. On the Human-Dehumanized Axis, stay close to the Human side.
Maybe it means unplugging, but it definitely means connecting more on a human level.
Be sure that, when connecting with folks having to do with your child, that they are very human too.
2. Remember that sugar is an inflammatory food.
What we need is good nutrition! I’m a living example of what happens when you don’t get that.
3. Understand your own worth.
How you think about yourself matters. I forgot that, and had to undergo a very painful and scary illness as a result.
Most of all, in thinking about these three lessons I want you to think about where you are “coming from” with regard to them.
This isn’t about me telling you “here’s a list of stuff you need to do.”
It’s about coming from a place of human connection.
It’s about coming from a place of good nutrition, most of the time, without worry or pressure.
It’s about coming from a place of feeling worthy – both for ourselves, and for what we model for our children.
Here are the links that come up in today’s conversation:
For the first time since creating the We Turned Out Okay Playbook, as a result of my hospitalization I’m doing it myself (instead of just writing it for others)!
Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/playbook to learn more about the Playbook!
I want to share a goal of mine. I’m in training! I’m drafting a new parenting book and today I’m asking you to keep me on track.
And also I’m excited because I think this story that I share today could also be helpful for you, even if your struggles are different than mine.
First: I’m in training!
Longtime listeners to the podcast, and readers of this letter, might know that I have a chronic illness. A tendon disorder, that keeps me from doing a lot of things that you probably consider perfectly normal and everyday events, such as chopping vegetables, or folding laundry.
But there would be no podcast, there would be no We Turned Out Okay at all, without the tendon disorder. And that is because of something a friend said to me when I was at my worst, with just 5% use practical use of my hands. I had truly hit rock bottom. I felt like such a burden, and so useless, to those who were responsible for taking care of me; meaning my husband, Ben, and our two boys.
It should have been the other way around, I should have been taking care of them! And instead I could hardly wash my own hair or pour my own coffee.
When a friend suggested that this didn’t have to only be negative, that instead it could be positive, it opened up a whole new avenue. She said “okay, you can’t do all the normal parenting things. Or all the normal housekeeping things. So what CAN you do?” Continue reading “Be the brains”→