Podcast Episode 207: Glass Balls and Rubber Balls: The Annual WTOO Goals Episode

Welcome and Happy New Year! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Every January since We Turned Out Okay began, I’ve shared my goals for the coming year. Not resolutions… which feel to me a little more arbitrary and easier to pull out of… but Goals.

And this year is no exception!

Somehow the idea of glass balls and rubber balls (one of which breaks when dropped, and the other of which bounces) felt really important to share with you, probably because I’m returning from major burnout and got it because I dropped a glass ball, my “health” ball.

So listen in to find out more about glass/rubber balls, the goals I’ve set and why I set them, and what this year’s One Word is!

Notes and links at weturnedoutokay.com/207! Continue reading “Podcast Episode 207: Glass Balls and Rubber Balls: The Annual WTOO Goals Episode”

136: How Making Friends With The Person In The Mirror Helps Your Kids

Note (2/13/17) : The Friendly Mirror 10-day Challenge is currently closed to new participants.
Stay tuned, because soon the Challenge will be open again!

Maybe you think that self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are fine for other people, but not for you (I know I used to feel this way.)

I work with a lot of moms and dads who struggle with this – and the struggle 100% affects their parenting, and thus their kids.

If you need a kick in the pants – or a guide into the world of not scowling in the mirror – then sign up for my free Friendly Mirror 10-day challenge!

The Challenge will be conducted via video modules and a live interactive training session; specifically, each day for 10 days you’ll get the latest video module, sometimes with a mini-assignment to complete if you choose. We’ll wrap up with a live training session to answer your questions and work on keeping our great momentum going…

Click here to sign up!

The idea of goals is really resonating with y’all right now, judging from my inbox, Facebook page, and podcast download statistics…
Today we spend a little bit more time on this track, when I extend on listener Eri’s question about how the ability to accept and forgive ourselves impacts our children.

Each night for a little over a year, I have had a very specific conversation.

In the mirror, with myself.

Today I teach you exactly how to have that conversation – and why it’s so important.

For key links including to the books I reference in today’s episode, for written directions to the nightly mirror conversation, and to listen go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/136!

If you’re a little freaked out about talking to yourself in the mirror, maybe it’s because you struggle with the ideas of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness in general…

Here’s how to overcome that and talk with yourself each night in the mirror:

1) Commit to at least three months of doing this each night. After that, as Jack Canfield says in his book The Success Principles, you can decide if you want to keep it up. (I’ve kept it up for more than fifteen months now, and expect to do it for the rest of my life – that’s how important this exercise is for myself… and my family.)
I wrote the 3-month end date on my calendar, so I could decide at that point whether to keep going with it or not.
I loved the idea of just doing it until my calendar told me to make the decision; by that time, I knew I was committed for life.

2) Tonight, stand in the mirror and smile at yourself.

3) Speak out loud, telling yourself about the good things you accomplished today, expressing gratitude about anything good that happened to you today, forgiving yourself if you didn’t hit a goal or committed an action that you’re unhappy with; hurting feelings, overeating, missing a workout or job-related goal.
Use your name: “hey ______, you had a really great day today…”

4) At the end of your chat with yourself, tell yourself “good night, I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”

It’s really hard to hate yourself AND simultaneously have this conversation/smile at yourself in the mirror.
As a result you are holding yourself accountable – to yourself.

When you disappoint yourself, you’ll find it easier to forgive yourself in the mirror; forgiving yourself raises the empathy level; raising the empathy level helps you view loved ones, especially children, with empathy instead of anger if they do something wrong…

And now you’re able to forgive them, too.

You’re able to be the mentor they need… Someone they can trust; someone who will help them forgive themselves.

And now there’s this great virtuous circle going on!

I know how “woo-woo California” this all sounds, and all I can say is it’s been the most powerful force for good in my life.

Don’t knock it till you try it!

Key Links:

Click here for the Friendly Mirror Facebook group.

Click here to sign up for the daily 10-day Friendly Mirror challenges (starting Monday, February 13).

Click here for the Amazon link to Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles.

Click here for Sarah ban Breathnach’s wonderful book, Simple Abundance.

Click here for episode 130, our second annual goal-setting episode, and here for episode 135, in which I answer Eri’s question about affirmations and self-acceptance/forgiveness.

130: How Goal-Setting Can Help You Have a Happier Parenting Life

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

This early in the new year, everyone is thinking about resolutions and how to keep them; today, I’m asking you to think a little bit differently about resolutions – in fact, I’m asking you to not even use the word “resolution!”

I prefer the shorter, less-charged “goals.”

Goals can be short-term, medium-term, or long… And the goals we choose for ourselves today don’t just help us; the goals we choose and start working toward today help our children as well.

In our second-annual show about goals, I share mine, I share how I did with last year’s, and I ask you to share yours with me! (Which you can do by going to weturnedoutokay.com/contact.)

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community… If you’re raising little kids and feeling overwhelmed; if you could use some accountability and support –

Join us inside our membership community, and get access to:
– courses like the one I just finished up, Sanity With Kids
– live, members-only calls
– direct feedback on how to get through your toughest challenges
– the support of a community where we’re all working to worry less and enjoy more while raising our kids
– beta pricing – but only for a little while… we leave beta very soon, so you want to get in before the price goes up!
Click here to check out Ninja Parenting Community, I hope to see you in the forums!

To read my goal setting report card, and for key links I talk about in this episode (including to the awesome podcast #amwriting with Jess and KJ, and last year’s goalsetting episode), click weturnedoutokay.com/130!

This past year, I did well with my personal and family-type goals:
– I spent lots of time with family and friends
– I worked to support Ben and our boys in all the ways I could
– I forgave myself when I screwed up and continued with a nightly “conversation-in-the-mirror,” a tradition started in 2015 which seems pretty nuts at first, but, as you hear in this episode, has been the single most important aspect of keeping myself well.

Also, I expanded my horizons in podcasting and online:
– each week, even through my Dad’s concussion/emergency brain surgery spring and summer, and largely thanks to my producer and 19-time winner of the husband of the year award Ben, we never missed a single episode – podcasts always dropped when they were supposed to.
– With you in mind, I spoke with some amazing people, who knew things I knew that you would need to know! It’s made me so happy to serve you in this way, and I’m so excited to continue doing this : )
– I wrote a book about how to survive the tough challenges of parenting, and built a community around the book and podcast… I loved this process, I learned a lot, and now I’m super excited because the community is built out with lots of stuff to help parents of young children survive and thrive, even when things are tough (maybe, especially then)
Check out the book here, and the community here.

And now – on to 2017!

This year I tried something new: I chose a word of the year.

My word: service.

It’s helping me focus on what’s most important:
– podcast, community, free guides – everything I do for you I do with the word “service” in mind, because I have a lot of knowledge that, as the parent of young kids, I think you’d find very useful!
– loved ones – my word helped me figure out how to serve them best; I’m taking one thing off Ben’s plate each week, I’m working hard to not “ignore” our teen and tween (I share a lot about The Breakfast Club today, and that’s where this idea of ignoring kids comes from)
– me – my word is helping me treat myself well; I am doing an experiment, with food, that is really tough but also quite short – just thirty days – and I hope to come out of it knowing better what I can eat and what I can’t (what sets off my chronic illness and what doesn’t); my word is also helping me take care of myself in other ways, such as continuing to talk to myself in the mirror… Exercising… Making time for sports and hobbies that I love… Remembering the expression:

My Alone Time Is For Your Safety : )

So, that’s where I am this January!

What about you? Wishing you all the best as you work towards your goals. Please get in touch if I can help!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:
Click here for the wonderful #amwriting podcast by KJ Dell’Antonia and Jessica Lahey, a great listen even if you are not a writer!

Click here for last year’s goal-setting episode, in which I lay out the goals that I’ve been working towards all of 2016.

If you want to check out the book about how to get through the toughest parenting moments in Amazon, click here.

Feel better in your parenting! Check out the Ninja Parenting Community by clicking here.