354: Goals and Words and a “kind 2021”

Greetings and best wishes for 2021!! This is my annual goals and sharing of the Word of the Year. (Last year’s: ENOUGH. I apparently was really prescient in January 2020… This year’s: EXHILARATED. Should be fun!)
As with everything in the pandemic, it’s different from other New Year’s episodes that have come before. But I hope it’s helpful for you as you create a good life, and a good year, for your family and yourself.

Some of my goals last year I completely, epically failed at bringing about.
Some of them I did a little bit better with.

One of the most important things I learned was to make a goal be “a place to come from,” rather than something to work towards. Seriously, this has been a huge game-changer for me.

I share about that process and give you ideas for trying it out yourself today.

Finally I read you one of my most recent newsletters, “Hello 2021! Please be kind to us.”
You can get these newsletters delivered for free right into your inbox just by signing up for one of my free guides available at weturnedoutokay.com… Or go to weturnedoutokay.com/weekly

Key Links:
Click weturnedoutokay.com/312 for last year, January 2020’s Goals and One Word episode. Listening back I was such a pre-pandemic naïve little baby then! I’ve grown a lot in 2020. I bet you have too. Ultimately this is a good thing, I think. We are such badasses now!

Click here for a book I am loving, 100 Truths You Will Learn Too Late by Luca Dellanna

Click weturnedoutokay.com/books to see the parenting books I have written

Click here for my most recent newsletter, “Hello 2021! Please be kind to us.”

Click weturnedoutokay.com/354 to watch the video of today’s episode.

Cheers! I hope 2021 is REALLY kind to you <3

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Get my best advice for handling the challenges that come up on your parenting journey, through the We Turned Out Okay podcast:

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313: The challenges of feeling worthy while raising little kids

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!
My wellness coach is here for YOU today!

“Linda,” who’s going incognito for our conversation, shares about so much:
– Her own wellness journey
– What it was like for her to raise a child with special needs
– How to get what you want out of life

Hope you enjoy this conversation and find it helpful!

Here is the link to the show notes for this episode : )

PS One place where you can get help with your own challenges while raising little kids is the online community that I run, NPC.
During January 2020 you can spend your whole first month in the community for just $1! Click here for details.)

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
I’ve written newsletters on everything from remaining calm when they are throwing dirt at each other, to what to do when you feel like a failure.
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!

Key Links

Click here for the VIA Character Institute website. Linda and I have used their Character Strength Tool and talk about it in today’s conversation.

Click here for the We Turned Out Okay Facebook group.

One Word for 2020

Happy Wednesday!

This is the last in my series on “exercises to help you overcome feelings of failure;” click here for last week’s installment, debating between two words for 2020. Or, read on to find out which word I chose : )
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Each year, for the last three years, I’ve chosen a Word of the Year:
2019 = THOUGHTFUL
2018 = PRACTICE
2017 = SERVICE

For weeks, I’ve been trying to decide what 2020’s word would be. Here are my two candidates:

2020 = ENOUGH

I thought of 3 possible ways it could be used. Here is what I wrote about that in last week’s newsletter: Continue reading “One Word for 2020”

How to get what you want out of life | Podcast Episode 312

Happy New Year!! In 2019 I had two goals:
1. To fit into my ski pants
2. To be in control of my food intake

If my ski pants fit, that meant I could go skiing and spend wonderful, exhilarating time with loved ones!
And if I could be in control of my food intake, that meant I wouldn’t inadvertently hijack other goals that I had about health and weight loss.
Today I share about how I met those goals, through a 5-step process that I hope will be helpful as you work to achieve your goals!

Links and other stuff I share in this episode are located at weturnedoutokay.com/312

Join us!

Sign up for my Weekly Parenting Newsletter

Each Wednesday I send out a Parenting Newsletter, to help you stay sane while raising your kiddos.
We’re doing a series right now on what to do when you feel like a failure, and who among us hasn’t felt like that at some point?
Useful stuff.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly so it zooms right into your inbox each week!


Cheat sheet of the 5 steps to get what you want out of life:

1. Declare yourself worthy.
This is a tough one! I do it with something that I call “mirror chats.”

2. Decide what you want.
This one feels deceptively easy, but sometimes it can take a while to figure out what we actually want.

3. Decide where you want to be with that goal… By a certain date.

4. Take one small step most days, or weeks.

5. Assess how it’s going once a week.
Also, as part of this, find something to celebrate each week.

My One Word is: ENOUGH
this was such a tough one, I had to choose between two words and the people in my email newsgroup were so helpful as I made my choice! If that was you, thank you so much!
Continue reading “How to get what you want out of life | Podcast Episode 312”

136: How Making Friends With The Person In The Mirror Helps Your Kids

Note (2/13/17) : The Friendly Mirror 10-day Challenge is currently closed to new participants.
Stay tuned, because soon the Challenge will be open again!

Maybe you think that self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are fine for other people, but not for you (I know I used to feel this way.)

I work with a lot of moms and dads who struggle with this – and the struggle 100% affects their parenting, and thus their kids.

If you need a kick in the pants – or a guide into the world of not scowling in the mirror – then sign up for my free Friendly Mirror 10-day challenge!

The Challenge will be conducted via video modules and a live interactive training session; specifically, each day for 10 days you’ll get the latest video module, sometimes with a mini-assignment to complete if you choose. We’ll wrap up with a live training session to answer your questions and work on keeping our great momentum going…

Click here to sign up!

The idea of goals is really resonating with y’all right now, judging from my inbox, Facebook page, and podcast download statistics…
Today we spend a little bit more time on this track, when I extend on listener Eri’s question about how the ability to accept and forgive ourselves impacts our children.

Each night for a little over a year, I have had a very specific conversation.

In the mirror, with myself.

Today I teach you exactly how to have that conversation – and why it’s so important.

For key links including to the books I reference in today’s episode, for written directions to the nightly mirror conversation, and to listen go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/136!

If you’re a little freaked out about talking to yourself in the mirror, maybe it’s because you struggle with the ideas of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness in general…

Here’s how to overcome that and talk with yourself each night in the mirror:

1) Commit to at least three months of doing this each night. After that, as Jack Canfield says in his book The Success Principles, you can decide if you want to keep it up. (I’ve kept it up for more than fifteen months now, and expect to do it for the rest of my life – that’s how important this exercise is for myself… and my family.)
I wrote the 3-month end date on my calendar, so I could decide at that point whether to keep going with it or not.
I loved the idea of just doing it until my calendar told me to make the decision; by that time, I knew I was committed for life.

2) Tonight, stand in the mirror and smile at yourself.

3) Speak out loud, telling yourself about the good things you accomplished today, expressing gratitude about anything good that happened to you today, forgiving yourself if you didn’t hit a goal or committed an action that you’re unhappy with; hurting feelings, overeating, missing a workout or job-related goal.
Use your name: “hey ______, you had a really great day today…”

4) At the end of your chat with yourself, tell yourself “good night, I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”

It’s really hard to hate yourself AND simultaneously have this conversation/smile at yourself in the mirror.
As a result you are holding yourself accountable – to yourself.

When you disappoint yourself, you’ll find it easier to forgive yourself in the mirror; forgiving yourself raises the empathy level; raising the empathy level helps you view loved ones, especially children, with empathy instead of anger if they do something wrong…

And now you’re able to forgive them, too.

You’re able to be the mentor they need… Someone they can trust; someone who will help them forgive themselves.

And now there’s this great virtuous circle going on!

I know how “woo-woo California” this all sounds, and all I can say is it’s been the most powerful force for good in my life.

Don’t knock it till you try it!

Key Links:

Click here for the Friendly Mirror Facebook group.

Click here to sign up for the daily 10-day Friendly Mirror challenges (starting Monday, February 13).

Click here for the Amazon link to Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles.

Click here for Sarah ban Breathnach’s wonderful book, Simple Abundance.

Click here for episode 130, our second annual goal-setting episode, and here for episode 135, in which I answer Eri’s question about affirmations and self-acceptance/forgiveness.