Podcast Episode 166: Tell Don’t Ask – A Ninja Tactic That Really Works

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Have you ever had it happen where you’re asking your child to do something, and he or she is saying “no”?

Depending on your child’s age or developmental maturity level, I bet you hear that word – “no” – an awful lot.

Today’s ninja tactic digs into one way to cut down on the noes!

It’s all about giving kids directives instead of asking, which sounds simple but in reality can be pretty complicated: when do we give them choices, ask questions, and when is it time to give a directive and communicate to them that “this is not a choice”?

Click weturnedoutokay.com/166 for show notes and key links to this episode! Continue reading “Podcast Episode 166: Tell Don’t Ask – A Ninja Tactic That Really Works”

151: When Your Child Shouts “No” At You – Part 4 in the Common Parenting Challenges Series

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Recently I spoke with a mom to 2- and 4-year-old girls. Her youngest is just starting to push back (as all 2-year-olds do) – and she’s pushing back some times really disrespectfully!

Shouting “no!”

Sometimes lashing out.

Refusing, disrespectfully, to do what her mom needs her to do.

Sound familiar? That’s why we’re including this subject in the Common Parenting Challenges series!

Find out how to handle it when your child is disrespectful by clicking weturnedoutokay.com/151, where you’ll find show notes and key links – including the sign up to the free, live wrap-up to the Common Parenting Challenges series, happening Thursday, April 20, 2017 at 8 PM EST!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Handling disrespect and shouted “no’s” has an easy-to-understand solution… But one that’s really tough to put into practice.

Step 1: Ignore the disrespectful ways of saying “no.”

Step 2: Model and tell your child what to say instead.

Step 3: Use redirection, especially with toddlers.

It can be so difficult to ignore the “no!”
But I know you can do it – if I can do it, anyone can, seriously.

While you’re ignoring disrespectful screaming, and even perhaps hitting or kicking or other acting-out, you’re modeling calmness and patience. When/if you can, try to overtly tell your child what he or she can say instead:

“We don’t hit in our family. You can say “I’m angry” or “I’m frustrated” instead.”

If you’re using redirection, continue with something like “Will you put on your sneakers or your boots today?”

Simple in concept, right?

I know you can do this this.

Questions or comments? Click here to share.

Key Links:

Want to listen to the How to Make No Sound Like Yes episode? Click here.

Click here for the first Common Parenting Challenge, episode 142 about how to handle disagreements with your parenting partner.

Listen to the second Common Parenting Challenge, episode 145 about how to help your child adhere to your daily schedule by clicking here.

Click here for the third Common Parenting Challenge, episode 148 about teaching patience to your young child.

Podcast Episode 026: 3 Ways to Make No Sound Like Yes

Did you know that, by the time we are five years old, we’ve heard “no” 40,000 times? And that in that same span of time, we’ve only heard “yes” 5000 times? (I learned that reading The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson, a great book by the way.)

While it’s true that “no” is important – for safety, if nothing else – this n-word can really bring us down… As Jeff puts it: “Eight times as many noes as yeses. Eight times the force holding you down, compared to the force lifting you up. Eight times the gravity against your desire to soar.”

Today, I share with you the primo ninja parenting tactic of them all… Make no sound like yes! Here’s how:

1) Actually say yes. When they ask “Mom, can I have an ice cream?” you respond “sure! Right after dinner.” If it’s “can we play play dough?” and if there isn’t time at the moment, you respond “absolutely – as soon as we get home from the doctor.” This works in so many situations, and have the added bonus of making us parents feel somehow lighter and happier… because no sucks and yes is nice.

2) Keep your cautions to yourself. If your mouth says “yes” but your body language, facial expression, and tone communicate fear and worry, your child won’t hear the yes. Worse, if you say yes and then come up with 10 reasons why your child shouldn’t climb that tree, or go barefoot, or eat the Halloween candy you just told him he could eat, are you really saying yes? Not really… This is where we need to be angels, not balloon poppers.

3) Use “yes, and…” A great turn-no-into-yes tactic for transitional times, try this one when your child wants to do one thing and you know that you need to do another… “Mom, can we play play dough?” “Yes, we can play now for a bit and will keep going with it when we get back from the doctor.”

If you take just one thing from this episode, I hope it is this: our words matter. The more yeses we can squeeze into a child’s day – more noes we can eliminate – the lighter and happier we will all be.

How are you changing “no” to “yes”? Please share! Either go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact or leave a comment right at the bottom of this post. I can’t wait to hear your innovations!