Podcast Episode 204: Burned out? So am I. Here’s what to do. (A Your Child Explained Episode for Part 3 of the 2017 Holiday Survival Guide)

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

On the day I recorded this episode, late last week in real time, I had a moment, at about 10 AM, where I realized I ought to be in about three different places… All at exactly 10 AM.

That’s when my heart started racing.

Then, when I looked around my home and realized all that still wasn’t quite done, or not even started yet… and then I realized I was still in my pajamas… The complete and total futility of the season slammed into my brain.

As I’ve often said on the show, that was “Mom Karen” – Time to go and get some advice from Podcast Karen!

So, I dropped everything and recorded this show about dealing with burnout.

And I just want to give a special thanks in here for thirteen-year-old Jason Kolp (who shares great advice about how to help children with their fears, back in episode 193). He’s the one who really helped me figure out what to focus on first.

He told me to go and help you, which is exactly what I did.

I hope this episode helps you, as much as it helped Mom Karen : )

For a quickie breakdown of the three steps to alleviating burnout, plus key links and to watch the video I made about handling holiday kid craziness, go to weturnedoutokay.com/204. Happy listening!

Burned out? Here are my three steps to alleviating burnout:

1) RECOGNIZE that it’s burnout… This one still gets me at some times of the year. Recognition is the first step to repair.

2) Pare your to do list down to the absolute essentials… You can’t pour from an empty cup. People will understand this – and if they don’t, they were never very good friends, anyway.

3) Do something FUN.… What’s fun for you? Does it involve children, or is it something you do all by yourself? Is it a date with your honey? Whatever it is, make time for it. This will be easier after you have accomplished 2).

Key Links:

KJ Dell’Antonia of the #AmWriting with Jess and KJ Podcast came on the show Tuesday; click here to listen back to our conversation!

Click here for Gretchen Rubin’s awesome new book, The Four Tendencies. I am a questioner; which one are you?

Questions? Get answers on my contact page : )

Join the private WTOO Facebook group, for weekly Facebook lives and more! Click here!

Click here to check out We Turned Out Okay’s How-to Videos menu tab, to learn about how to help your kids eat more fruits and vegetables, how to help them learn to read, and more!

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I help parents solve their toughest challenges every day.

If you love the show, please rate and review us in Apple Podcasts… That’s how so many people find us. Click here to rate/review, and thanks so much!

126: What 1 Thing Do Our Kids Need from Us Most? – A Your Child Explained Episode

pool-917604_640Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today I’m asking the question: “what matters most… To your kids?”

It’s something I’ve been thinking about since speaking with Jonathan Fields, this past Tuesday’s guest.

Through his Good Life Project podcast, Jonathan has been a HUGE mentor of mine. Tuesday we found out who some of Jonathan’s mentors are; one turns out to be Milton Glaser, a man who helped Jonathan realize the value of structuring your life so that you prioritize the things that matter most.

What mattered most to Jonathan: time with his wife and their daughter.

This dovetails nicely with what matters most to our kids: it’s the time we spend with them.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/126 for full show notes and key links – enjoy the show!

I get to re-share a favorite expression of mine today:

Kids spell love T-I-M-E.

Even in this crazy-busy season (if you’re listening in real time), this is the thing that matters most.

I leave you with a question this week: how can you carve out some time to just be with your kids?

If you’ve come up with a great way to do this – let me know! Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact.

Key Links:
Listen to my conversation with Jonathan Fields, episode 125, by clicking here.

Grab Jonathan’s book, How to Live A Good Life, in Amazon by clicking here.

If you’re struggling with the day-to-day of child-rearing, my book might save you some stress:
click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child.

Are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

Bonus: How to Handle Disagreements at This Year’s Holiday Gatherings

If this is what you're worried about at holiday gatherings this year, you're not alone.
If this is what you’re worried about at holiday gatherings this year, you’re not alone.

Welcome! To listen to today’s show, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

I’m cranking up the mic for two reasons today:

1) listening back to episode 123, where Ninja Parenting Community member Sabrina shared her concerns about holiday overwhelm and helping her girls handle gift-giving, I wanted to create something to help you if you’re facing those same problems…

So, I did! Download the FREE 3 Principles of Kids and Gifts if you want help:
– cutting through the gift giving insanity and overwhelm
– finding solutions that work for your whole family – including you.
– Truly enjoying celebrations, with less stress

Click this link to download them today and make the most of the season!

2) an article I read in the paper today, two Saturdays before Christmas eve, really got me thinking about a problem unique to the family gatherings we will all be attending this year. The article reads in part:
“But some non-Trump voters are not yet in a place where they can joke.
That includes [a Dad who shall remain nameless, because he represents a great many people listening today] and his family. This year they will not go to his wife’s great aunt’s Christmas gathering, in large part for fear of an argument breaking out in front of their 6-year-old daughter.
“She doesn’t understand why people like this person, said [this Dad], referring to Trump, “and to explain to her that people in her own family like this person – it would be a lot for her to process.”
– “Can The Holidays Be Happy?” The Boston Globe, Saturday, December 10th, 2016

In the wake of that article, I’m wondering: how are you?

Are you worrying about attending family gatherings this year, when it all feels so contentious?

I really hope this episode helps you, if that’s the case. Click here to get the full show notes and key links!

Here are several points to ponder as you make your decision about going to these gatherings, or bringing your kids:

– first of all, there may not even be any arguments.
I’m a worrier myself, and I’ve worked hard to surmount the idea of worrying about something that has a not even happened yet.
Today I’m asking you to do the same – don’t avoid holiday parties due to a fear of arguments breaking out.
Instead, handle them as they happen, because they may not even happen!

– if there are arguments:
1) Model respectful disagreement for your son or daughter.
Walk away from someone who’s pushing you toward an argument, do not engage. And while you’re not engaging, continue to treat that person respectfully.

2) Know that your child need not be involved in the argument.
Please shelter kids from adult concerns; they do not need to know the political affiliations of all your relatives.

3) Put yourself into the shoes of your disagreeing relatives.
Ask yourself: why might they feel that way? What fears do they have that they go to bed with every night that cause them to vote in such an opposite way from you?

If their views are truly anathema to you – you’re a firm believer in sparkly holiday sweaters while they favor Aran cable-knit fisherman’s sweaters, and no amount of persuasive discussion will change that crazyballs idea – feel free to avoid them (while treating them with respect!)

But more likely, it’s not that cut-and-dried.

More likely, they go to bed with the same worries and fears for their kids and our world as you do.

If you feel like that’s the case, in my experience that makes you a little less far apart on whatever spectrum you’re considering, political or religious, organic versus not organic, paleo versus vegetarian, decaf versus hi-test.

I always end up realizing, when I try to view the world through someone else’s shoes, that we are closer than I originally thought.

I hope you feel the same, and that this episode helps you stress a little bit less over the holidays!

Key Links:
Here is the Boston Globe article that started me thinking about extra stresses on families during this particular holiday season.

Are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

123: Helping Sabrina Manage Overwhelm and Expectations: A Your Child Explained Episode

Sabrina's daughters visiting Santa.
Sabrina’s daughters visiting Santa.

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, Ninja Parenting Community member Sabrina shares about the concerns she’s having right now: how to manage her children’s expectations, everyone’s feelings of overwhelm – and balancing her own needs with the needs of her family.

Recorded in early December, Sabrina has both a daughter’s birthday coming up as well as the busy and overwhelming-in-and-of-itself holiday season.

Sabrina got to have this conversation with me because she is a member of our Ninja Parenting Community.
If you want my help sorting out your toughest parenting issues, you should join too!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/123 for show notes and key links!

In our forums, Sabrina recently wrote:

“I’d like to know about how to set expectations with kids. It was great traveling last year because we could keep presents to a minimum. I’d much prefer giving them an experience, or donating to kids in need, than buying lots of presents. I realize though, that seeing lots of presents under a tree is part of what makes Christmas magical for kids. Amy’s birthday is the week before Christmas, so we have a double whammy!”

During our call, this caring mom shared about a feeling that many of us experience at this time of year: how to balance our wants and needs with those of our kids and the rest of our family.

Specifically, for several years now Sabrina has sacrificed her ideals of how to decorate for Christmas, giving in to what her two young girls want.

It may not seem like a big deal on its face. But during the whole Christmas season, Sabrina’s every day visual and kinesthetic needs are not being met!

We talk about how to bring that up within her family, and also about how to make family time during this season emphasize quality time, how the traditions that Sabrina’s family has built up over the years truly make this season a great one for raising children.

 

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:

Sabrina’s book, Hannah and Amy Go to Peru, is the first in her series about the year that Sabrina and her family traveled the world. Click here to check out the book in Amazon!

121: Stuff vs. Experiences: The Holiday Survival Guide, Part One

img_1871Welcome! To listen to today’s show, scroll down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

On November 4 of this year, we heard our very first Christmas commercial, prompting my youngest and I to freak out a little bit.

I mean, November 4! We’re still eating Halloween candy on November 4, we’re not ready to even think about Thanksgiving, never mind the crazy end-of-the-year extravaganza the holiday season is nowadays.

So my question is: how are you feeling?
Are you stressed out about the holidays?

If so, you’re going to love these next weeks of We Turned Out Okay.

We’ve got conversations coming up with guests who share practical advice for feeling better right now, and the 2-part Holiday Survival guide to give you the support and solace you need to bring your family through this season with smiles on all your faces.

Today: I share an embarrassing story, because I want you to learn from my greedy mistake that experiences matter lots more than stuff.

It’s so easy to forget that at this time of year.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/121 for show notes and key links, and enjoy the show!

The year Max (now 16) was four, my youngest brother scraped together what I’m sure was an excessive amount of money to give our son a really wonderful present: 2 railway cars for his Thomas the Tank Engine set.

Somewhere in the lead-up to that Christmas, I got the impression that he was going to give even more, though. When I asked him about that on Christmas day (I’m literally cringing as I write this), and he stumbled through his response that he just didn’t have any more cash, I realized how incredibly greedy I was being.

Mortified, I vowed that I would never make anybody feel as uncomfortable as my poor brother felt that day again!

Watching Max enjoy the trains with his uncle, I learned on that long ago Christmas that it’s the experiences that matter so very much more than the stuff.

And that’s what today’s episode is all about.

As you head into the holidays, consider what experiences you can give your kids, instead of tallying the material goods they’ll be accumulating.

I know you want to give your kids everything – I totally understand that!

But please remember me, and the lesson I learned from wanting MORE trains.

Please remember (as the picture up there says):

Kids spell love T-I-M-E.

Key Links:

Check out touringplans.com, a website that helped us have the Disney/Universal Studios vacation of our dreams – by helping us figure out an itinerary that saved us tons of waiting time.

If you’re struggling with the day-to-day of child-rearing, my book might save you some stress:
click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child.