128: How to Help When Your Child Really Can’t Handle Something Important

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Maybe you know the symptoms: tummy aches, excessive temper tantrums and stubbornness, crying over everything and over an extended period of time.

If your child shows some of these elements, and it’s freaking you out, how do you know what is wrong? And if you can figure that out – how do you help your son or daughter make it right?

In this rebroadcasting of a great conversation from early in 2016, mom and educational facilitator Amy Anderson helps us answer these big, hairy questions.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/128 to listen; weturnedoutokay.com/contact with questions or comments; and here to get personal help with your biggest, scariest child-rearing issues!

Also – are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

124: How to Help Your Kids with Anxiety Over New Situations, Travel and Family Edition – Holiday Survival Guide, Part 2

restaurant-358238_640Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Recently I did an episode called How to Help Kids Cope with Anxiety Over New Situations, episode 117 – and it got near-record downloads.

In episode 117, we helped Melissa figure out how to help her kids handle new situations better – and even how to handle new situations better herself.

(Episode 117 is a recording of a coaching call with a Ninja Parenting Community member – if you want to become a member of our community and get all your parenting questions answered, click here.)

The amount of downloads made me realize something: Melissa is not the only one listening with some anxiety over new situations!

Today, I dig into the idea of anxiety, especially when travel and extended family are involved.

Recorded in December, I hope this episode helps you prepare for year-end gatherings and holiday celebrations.

If you’re listening after the holidays, it will still be helpful because new situations happen all the time, we parents often expose our kids to new situations, even outside of this season.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/124 for full show notes and key links. I hope this episode helps you!

How do we handle this type of situation – the crowded dining tables, the meals that last for hours, extended car or airline travel, sleeping in unfamiliar spaces such as hotel rooms or Grandma’s den?

Today, I propose that we focus on something that may seem a little counterintuitive:

empathy.

Taking on our children’s perspective can be so helpful, especially when strangers/friends/extended family are exerting pressure on us.

If you’re getting criticized for giving your toddler avocado at the Christmas dinner table; when your dad mentions “you weren’t this whiny when you were small;” I’m sure you can think of a few occasions where something similar has happened to you – focusing on your child’s needs and tuning all that out is key to getting through the tougher parts of unusual situations with your child.

Having been there myself, I know that it’s pretty tough in the moment!

But it gets easier, and often your relatives end up having a grudging respect for you simply because you’re doing what your child needs.

I leave you today with a great piece of advice:

Think like a grandparent.

Think: “will this really matter in a decade?”

The negative stuff – remark from the peanut gallery, whining and other stresses – falls away (if we let it).

What we’re left with our great memories of the good moments; I share a few of my favorite “good moment” stories today.

Wishing you well as you go out and make your own “good moment” stories!

Key Links:
The original How to Help Kids Cope With Anxiety over New Situations, episode 117, is available here.

Think like a grandparent – the best advice ever – originally came from We Turned Out Okay guest Daniel Wolff. Click here to listen to my conversation with Daniel!

Are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

105: When Screaming is Your Child’s First Reaction – A Your Child Explained Episode

Today, Ninja Parenting Community member Sabrina Rizk – the very same Sabrina from Tuesday’s guest interview #104 – gets help solving a problem that plagues many parents: when your child’s first reaction to something negative is to scream.

When I asked Sabrina what aspect of parenting she wanted our parent-coaching call to be about, she said “I want to talk about how to get my six-year-old to have different strategies beside screaming as her first response.”

Young Amy struggles when her cereal bowl isn’t the color she wanted; when the Lucky Charms don’t have enough charms; when Sabrina needs her to complete a chore before watching a show…

I’m sure you know the deal and have struggled through this in your own home. I know I have!

Listen in as Sabrina and I figure out how to alleviate the screaming – and read about some of the solutions we come up with – by going to weturnedoutokay.com/105!

We discuss several potential solutions to this pervasive problem, including:

1) Working hard to not react with anger or a raised voice when our child directs his or her raised voice at us

2) Deliberately lowering our voices as we get angry; often our kids will quiet down because they want to hear what we are saying, plus this tactic helps us remain calm

3) React with sympathy when natural consequences, such as “there’s not enough charms in my Lucky Charms,” occur; this way, we stand united with our child against this upsetting thing rather than being the object of their anger

Because Sabrina is a Ninja Parenting Community member, not only did we get to have this parent-coaching call but I’ll get to help her with follow-up questions in our community forums!

Click here to learn how to become a member, so I can help you with your biggest parenting struggles too!

056: How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum

Today’s episode is a little different: I read a key chapter from my forthcoming book! The chapter, called Handling Tantrums With HEART, is going to help you keep your cool even while your toddler or preschooler is melting down. Here I share my method for dealing with tantrums, which I came up with to help you retain your sanity even when the tantrums are flying fast and furious in your home.

Today, I read it aloud because I want to know how you feel about it. What did I miss? What would help you more in dealing with your child’s temper tantrums?

Also, I tell you how you’ll be able to get the book – Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics – for free when it launches on April 3!

Click here to get the full show notes at weturnedoutokay.com/056.

In her article When It All Falls Apart: Toddlers, Tantrums and Turmoil, online at naturalchild.org, author Lauren Lindsey Porter shares: “The majority of tantrums last between 1.5 and five minutes, though they can be as short as 30 seconds or as painfully long as two hours.” I sure hope that your child’s tantrums are on the shorter end of that spectrum!

But whether they are or not, here is the condensed version of the HEART method of handling any tantrum:

Haven – create a safe place for your child to melt down, anywhere from your arms to her room

Empathy – try to communicate your understanding; everyone wants to be understood

Abide – just like Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski says, some things must just be endured

Reintegration – after it’s over, we need to help our kids return to the world

Trust – going through these steps, tantrum after tantrum, builds trust that our kids need to take them into their lives

“By using HEART, you are making this foundation of trust as firm and solid as your love is for your child. Managed properly, a tantrum is really a teaching tool, one that helps you know your child well and help get through the tough times. And that is the upside [to a temper tantrum].” – Karen Lock Kolp

Key Links:

I’m creating an infographic, something you can print out and put on your fridge so you have an easy way to remember how to handle a tantrum – best of all, you can point babysitters, grandparents, and older siblings to the infographic and say “this is how we handle a tantrum in our home.” That way, everybody’s on the same page!

Grab it by clicking this link, which takes you to positivedisciplineninjatactics.com. This will also get you on the prelaunch list, which means that you can pick up the book for free when it goes live on April 3, 2016!

To read Lauren Lindsey Porter’s full article, click here to go to naturalchild.org.