What to do during, and after, your child’s next temper tantrum

Happy Wednesday!

FYI: I totally screwed something up, and now that it is fixed, I want to offer you the Friends and Family Membership Rate to join in the private coaching community I host online for parents. Read more about this below.

Also: Links to each part of the in-depth, 4-part newsletter series I recently did can be found just below my signature. (Feedback was that many of you found that series super helpful and so I want it to be available all through the start to this school year!)

Today, I want to share about a really cool thing one of my private coaching clients did recently.
It helped her:
– Make the most of her time at home (she’s a busy single mom)
– Enjoy family time with her 3-year-old son.

Win-win!

Mama Llama, who keeps her identity anonymous in the community, posted in recently about an extremely difficult daycare pickup and evening:
“[On the way home] he yelled and kicked my seat. He flipped out getting out of the car at home grabbing things out of my hands and screaming.”
That wasn’t all:
“He thrashed around the lobby stomping and hitting the mailboxes. We finally made our way upstairs where he continued to scream and kick and hit.”
And even THAT wasn’t all:
“He lost [the privilege of playing with a toy] for the night and the hitting and kicking got worse and he started throwing toys at me.”

I want to highlight this.
We all have nights like this. Part of the work of raising young kids is abiding through this kind of tough stuff.

Little Llama (adorably, this is what he has come to be called in our forums), like just about every 3-year-old, has too much going on in his brain to even make sense of it all.

So sometimes if he can’t express himself verbally – can’t explain why he lashed out; why he just really wants that toy car instead of this one; how it’s just been a really long day and he is tired – he’ll have these tantrums.

Again, likely just like your child does.

But Mama Llama and I have been working together, for more than a year now, on how to handle nights like this.
And I am SO proud of her.

Because, during the episodes she describes above, she kept her cool. Rather than allow him to push her buttons, rather than lose her own temper, she only did or said things that would help Little Llama get into a more positive headspace:
“I tucked the car [the toy he was melting down about] into my bag and said he can have it inside when he can ask politely and walked him towards our building so he could safely melt down inside.”

I love her words here, “so he could safely melt down inside.” Mama Llama knows this temper tantrum has to happen, she is working to create the best environment for it, so that he can come through it quickly and they can have a pleasant evening together.

Then later:
“I took him back into his room a couple times to do some counting and breathing and talk about it.”

And then:
“Finally after what felt like forever, he was able to calm himself down and was able to tell me he was so mad about losing music in the car. We hugged and talked about making good choices [and being kind and safe]. He rallied and was cooperative and playful through dinner and we talked about things we do in our family. In our family we use kind words etc. ”

By this time, reading Mama Llama’s post, I am cheering for her.
She’s taking what I teach and running with it, and I’m just so proud of her!

And then, she blew my mind with what they did next:
“We came up with a really cool list that is now hanging in our hall. He had some adorable and thoughtful additions (we don’t run away from our teachers, we don’t play in the toilet, listen by our teachers and friends, as well as some creative ones involving space!)”
We took down our summer fun wall (index cards with different experiences and we put a sticker on it when we complete them) and kept a few things up that we haven’t done yet but can still do for fall – and added our family list to the wall. He really enjoyed that too.”

THIS. This is what it’s all about.
Not just the doing of things with our kids, but the creation of meaning with and for them.

Young children absolutely love to know what is coming next. Bringing them in on the plans, and making them a part of the planning, is even better.
Best of all is devoting a space to this, something kids can return to again and again.

Mama Llama and Little Llama aren’t just going through motions, they are making meaning.

They are living this. They get to anticipate fun, upcoming stuff, enjoy the doing – and plan together for what’s coming next.

What’s happening here is that Mama Llama is creating deeper and longer lasting meeting for Little Llama. I’m sure you have heard about the idea that experiences make better gifts than “things.”

What Mama Llama has done is to extend on that experience. To make the planning, part of the experience. And also to make reviewing these goals part of the experience, which she does when she talks about how there were things they didn’t get to do in summer, which they can still do in fall, so they stayed on the list.

At the start of this night, Mama Llama made a decision. She moved away from the temper tantrums, understanding that they are a part of a young child’s life, keeping her own cool, and helping her three-year-old get through the tantrum safely and quickly.

And then she helped him make meaning.

What a great way to turn a tough afternoon into a great evening.

 

You can do it, too.

For five years I’ve helped parents overcome tough struggles just like this, working personally with them, creating resources that are hugely helpful and always accessible.

I work with parents who have:

  • Busy lives
  • Beautiful children
  • Worries, and challenges, similar to yours
  • A dream of getting control of their family’s direction
  • A goal of enjoying family time – and feeling happy within themselves
  • The courage to get the help and support they need, by becoming a ninja parents

If you are struggling, I would LOVE to work with you, as well.

 

Special Membership Rate, join us in NPC!

And, only during the month of September, you can join at the Friends and Family rate!

I’m offering this because last week a mom who wanted to join NPC messaged me privately to share a problem with the form she was trying to fill out…
It was broken.

As it turns out, it had been broken all summer.

And I didn’t realize! (Although, I did wonder why so few people were joining the community. But I never thought of a digital snafu.)

Have you been trying to join the community, only to discover that form was broken?
Or, have you thought about joining but just hadn’t had the chance yet?

Either way, join the Ninja Parenting Community now.

You can try out the whole shebang, for the next thirty days, for just $1! That is the benefit of Friends and Family Membership. Well, that, and the fact that each consecutive month you’re a member after that is only $29 per month, a substantial savings off the regular membership rate. And without the first month at just $1.

The Ninja Parenting Community is a HUGELY helpful resource, for whatever aspect of parenting is causing you the most trouble.
Let my mistake be your opportunity.
Become a ninja parent today, by clicking the link below:
https://weturnedoutokay.com/joinNPC

Keep reading below for What’s up on the podcast/In the Facebook group…

Wishing you a wonderful parenting week!
Cheers!
Karen

Links to each part of my in-depth, 4-part series on how to start the school year off right:
Click here for part one, about the first thing you can do when confronting any challenge;

click here for part two, where I share my method for cutting through overwhelm.
And click here for part three, a case study of one mom who made back-to-school weekday mornings work – even when dealing with her child’s NIGHTLY bedwetting.
Finally click here for part four, which includes the link to a tool that I use all year round – as do many ninja parents in our private coaching community – to schedule our days and weeks.

 

What’s up on the podcast this week:
We dive into 10 ways to handle your child’s anxiety… And during the break we talk about how to handle our own. Click the link below to listen:
https://weturnedoutokay.com/295

What’s up in the We Turned Out Okay Facebook group this week:
We talk about one thing you can say to help calm your child’s anxiety during this week’s Magic Words for Parents.
Click here to join the Facebook group!

PS – If you’re enjoying this Weekly Parenting Newsletter, click here so you can sign up to receive it in your inbox, or forward it to a friend who needs a parenting boost today.