Bonus: when kids want one spouse and not the other; and handling excessively dramatic children

Each week I send out a “what’s on the podcast this week” email to people who signed up for a free guide or a free online class – and this week, I screwed up royally about an episode of We Turned Out Okay!

I wrote the email update for this past week well before I recorded the episode that went up this past Thursday, and as a result what I said would be this week’s Your Child Explained episode wasn’t.

If you received the email and you were scratching your head about it, I’m so sorry!

I recorded this bonus episode to make it up to you…

In it, I answer two issues, both brought up by a member of the Ninja Parenting Community (it had been a pretty rough couple of weeks for this member, making me so glad she had us to turn to):

1) “Part of the challenge I’m having is with exaggerated statements like “writing kills me” or “you always make me do this.”

2) “Later there was a meltdown about wanting Daddy, instead of Mommy.”

I address both issues in this bonus episode, I hope it’s helpful!

PS – Want to get on my email list yourself? Go to weturnedoutokay.com and click the image link in the sidebar (you’ll know which one : )

PS again – head over to https://weturnedoutokay.com/ninja-parenting-community-login/ to see how you could become a member of the Ninja Parenting Community.

PS again again – Scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button to listen. Enjoy the show!

Podcast Episode 159: A New Ninja Tactic for this Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

It’s been a busy few weeks in the Ninja Parenting Community – I counted twenty different issues that parents in there are collectively dealing with – and I knew that, if they’re having these issues, most likely so are you!

Lots of them are bigger issues – but some of them can be resolved so easily. In today’s episode, I talk about one of the latter, and how simply by changing one phrase to a related, but different phrase makes disciplining our kids lots easier.

The reason has to do with child development, and the simple fact that kids aren’t just small adults; they have a completely different way of understanding the world from us. Once we know that, it makes everything else easier.

To find out more about today’s ninja tactic, listen to this short-and-sweet episode, or go to weturnedoutokay.com/159 for show notes and key links!

Continue reading “Podcast Episode 159: A New Ninja Tactic for this Your Child Explained Episode”

Podcast Episode 158: “Recess is a Right” – Speaking with Medical Ethicist Dr. Arthur Caplan about things that affect our children’s lives

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guest, a medical ethicist (in other words, a person who helps determine what is ethical in people’s health), took my breath away with his eloquent words on stuff that impacts young children every day.

Dr. Arthur Caplan, professor of bioethics in the Department of Population Health at NYU’s Langone Medical Center, and I talk about everything from cloning mammoths to stopping malaria and the Zika virus… and also what the average person can do to improve their – our – lives.

Dr. Caplan shares his strong feelings on the academic pressures placed on elementary school age kids today, and what he says sure gives me hope.

I know you’re going to love our conversation! To read the notes, and to grab the key links, visit weturnedoutokay.com/158.

 

Get my free “handle every temper tantrum guide”

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Continue reading “Podcast Episode 158: “Recess is a Right” – Speaking with Medical Ethicist Dr. Arthur Caplan about things that affect our children’s lives”

Podcast Episode 157: Three Steps to Well-Behaved Kids Out In The World

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and press the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

The part of a wedding “where they do karate.”

Any graduations, weddings, vacations, or visits with family coming up in your life?
If you’re nervous about how your child will behave, hopefully we can help you feel better by the end of this episode!

As I see it, there are three steps to getting our little kids to behave out in the world (at least – most of the time…)

Click weturnedoutokay.com/157 for the show notes, including an outline of the 3 steps, for a picture of “the wedding where we do karate,” and for key links that come up in this episode! Continue reading “Podcast Episode 157: Three Steps to Well-Behaved Kids Out In The World”

Podcast Episode 156: Letting Kids Experience “Natural Consequences” – A Parent-Coaching Call for Today’s Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, we’re bringing you another great parent-coaching call with one of our Ninja Parenting Community members!

Like many children, Sabrina’s youngest daughter struggles with the family’s morning routine. She likes to be independent, she doesn’t like “to be told,” and oftentimes she is not hungry for breakfast before school.

Sabrina brings up a whole host of issues having to do with routine, following the rules, and the natural consequences of a child’s actions.

If you’re experiencing any concerns in any of those areas – and with kids, who isn’t? – you’re going to love today’s episode!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/156 for the show notes and key links in today’s episode, including the link to a book Sabrina has found helpful, It’s Okay Not to Share.

Continue reading “Podcast Episode 156: Letting Kids Experience “Natural Consequences” – A Parent-Coaching Call for Today’s Your Child Explained Episode”

155: Your Biggest Weapon in the War Against Parental Guilt – Speaking With Returning Champion Ashley Milne-Tyte of The Broad Experience Podcast

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, Ashley Milne-Tyte of The Broad Experience podcast returns to We Turned Out Okay, and our conversation goes in a direction I hadn’t anticipated: how women can take on too much, become overwhelmed, and end up unhappy and possibly even ill.

Because Ashley’s podcast focuses on “women in the workplace,” our conversation starts out with the focus on women and moms. But somewhere in here, we stop talking just about women – and start talking about parents. Parental guilt is a thing, and not just among the moms!

Today’s episode is big-picture, and Ashley shares a tremendous weapon that we all have in our possession, something that helps us alleviate parental guilt and make our lives, and our children’s, better.

I hope you enjoy our conversation!

For show notes, key links, and to sign up for tomorrow’s NPC FAQ Q&A – where you get your questions answered about the Ninja Parenting Community and you also get a FREE copy of my book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics – go to weturnedoutokay.com/155!

Continue reading “155: Your Biggest Weapon in the War Against Parental Guilt – Speaking With Returning Champion Ashley Milne-Tyte of The Broad Experience Podcast”

154: Less Strife at Home by Asking A Single Question – Part 1 in the Open-Ended Play Series

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

What might your child do with cardboard boxes?

What if there was one question you could ask – and the result would be a more harmonious home? (I know, I don’t love the word harmonious either, but it really fits here, so I’m sticking with it.)

A harmonious home is one in which the people who live there enjoy each other’s company, at least more often than not. Differences are worked out peacefully, everybody’s needs are met, and it just feels like a good place to be.

We’re looking at how to make that home a reality in the first of a series I’m creating to help you have:
– Less strife at home
– Better relationships, including smoother experiences out in the world with your young child
– Nobody living in your basement when they’re thirty

Today is all about the at-home part, digging into how you can have a more harmonious home.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/154 for the show notes and key links – including the sign-up button for our upcoming NPC FAQ Q&A on Wednesday, May 10th, 2017 at 1 PM EST!

Continue reading “154: Less Strife at Home by Asking A Single Question – Part 1 in the Open-Ended Play Series”

153: Handling Kids’ Bad Language: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, a listener question about kids and bad language:

“My four-year-old has picked up some bad language from other kids in her class. How should I deal with being called “dog face”!!

This can seem like a puzzle to which we parents just don’t have the answer. If you’re feeling like that, listen in! In today’s episode I share how to prepare for when your child throws something like this that you – and how to handle it in the moment.

For full show notes, including an easy-to-remember plan in answer to listener Nicola’s full question, and the button to download my How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide, go to weturnedoutokay.com/153!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Nicola asks:
“My four-year-old has picked up some bad language from other kids in her class. How should I deal with being called “dog face”!! I’m sure it can get worse as they get older but I didn’t expect it to start so soon. We’ve talked to her about why we use kind language etc. and even put her in her room to calm down when she uses it. A friend suggested that I follow the French tradition where “kids” are allowed their own special low-key swearword – it’s a thing, everyone in the country knows this word?! I’ve suggested my four-year-old can use a phrase/word if she is frustrated, maybe go to her room and yelled into her pillow etc… hmmmm.

“Any help much appreciated!”

I have SO much sympathy!
Today, I outline steps to take so you’re prepared for this kind of kid-thing:

1) Don’t take it personally.
– Our children oftentimes want to run these words past parents to see what we’ll do: will we shout? Will we do the same thing as the teacher in school did, or that other kids did when someone said this?

2) Model calm.
– If we give them an angry tirade, or punish harshly, we’re giving them attention for bad behavior. Our goal is to give them attention only for good behavior, minimize our attention to the bad.

Let me just say – I know how hard this is! Simple in theory, tough in practice. Hang in there.

3) Model what you WANT to see and hear.
– The younger the child, the simpler your language needs to be:
“We don’t say words like that in our family.”
“I don’t say that to you, I don’t expect you to say that to me.”

4) Redirect.
– Actively change the conversation:
“Now, it’s time to get your shoes on.”
“Do you want your yellow shirt or your green shirt today?”

I hope that helps, Nicola, and you if you are in Nicola’s position!

Questions or comments? Click here to ask or share : )

Key Links:
We dig into episode 150, about how our belief in the fundamental goodness – or not – of the universe affects our children’s world view. Click here to listen to that Your Child Explained.

152: What Happens When Kids Don’t Get What They Need? Talking With Early Childhood Education Professors Miriam Beloglovsky and Lisa Daly

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Rarely am I speechless – in life or podcasting – but today’s guests took my breath away with their observations of real young adults who grew up without open-ended play in their lives.

Lisa Daly and Miriam Beloglovsky, authors and professors, know a lot about how easy it is for a child growing up today to have zero practical knowledge. It’s because their lives were spent preparing for, and taking, tests.

Now as adults, these young people score really well on tests… But cannot accomplish simple tasks such as using screwdriver. Imagine not having the mechanical knowledge to use a screwdriver!

Thankfully, Daly and Beloglovsky spend their days teaching tomorrow’s teachers, and have a wonderful go-around for this burgeoning problem. And, it is burgeoning – more and more young people leave high school without any practical knowledge, move out into the world looking really well-prepared on paper, but lacking competence and confidence in many key areas of their lives.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/152 for show notes and key links to this mind-blowing conversation with two thoughtful, engaged people!

Thankfully, human nature being what it is, Daly and Beloglovsky report that even grown-ups can learn these important mechanical, physical concepts.

But there’s only one way: through play.

It’s the tinkering, investigating, and coming up with “I wonder” questions that educates people about gravity, velocity, mechanics, and every other science or engineering concept.

So my question for you is: how are you incorporating play into your young child’s life?
The answer may be more important to their well-being and happiness than you imagine.

Key Links:

Check out Daly and Beloglovsky’s book, Loose Parts, here – it’s a great resource for incorporating open-ended play into your child’s life.

Also, their website, Reflective Perspectives, discusses more about open-ended play and loose parts. Click here to check it out.

Click here to read the Alliance for Childhood’s great paper, Crisis in the Kindergarten.

For my conversation with Tanya Trainor, nursery school owner and a woman who has seen the transformative nature of giving kids loose parts, go to weturnedoutokay.com/036.

If you’re seeing aggressive behavior, or sadness, or passivity in your child – and you’re worried that it’s due to the lack of open-ended play – the Ninja Parenting Community could be just the place to get help.
It’s where I help parents just like you figure out how to handle all the tough stuff our kids throw at us.
Click here to learn more about the community!

151: When Your Child Shouts “No” At You – Part 4 in the Common Parenting Challenges Series

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Recently I spoke with a mom to 2- and 4-year-old girls. Her youngest is just starting to push back (as all 2-year-olds do) – and she’s pushing back some times really disrespectfully!

Shouting “no!”

Sometimes lashing out.

Refusing, disrespectfully, to do what her mom needs her to do.

Sound familiar? That’s why we’re including this subject in the Common Parenting Challenges series!

Find out how to handle it when your child is disrespectful by clicking weturnedoutokay.com/151, where you’ll find show notes and key links – including the sign up to the free, live wrap-up to the Common Parenting Challenges series, happening Thursday, April 20, 2017 at 8 PM EST!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Handling disrespect and shouted “no’s” has an easy-to-understand solution… But one that’s really tough to put into practice.

Step 1: Ignore the disrespectful ways of saying “no.”

Step 2: Model and tell your child what to say instead.

Step 3: Use redirection, especially with toddlers.

It can be so difficult to ignore the “no!”
But I know you can do it – if I can do it, anyone can, seriously.

While you’re ignoring disrespectful screaming, and even perhaps hitting or kicking or other acting-out, you’re modeling calmness and patience. When/if you can, try to overtly tell your child what he or she can say instead:

“We don’t hit in our family. You can say “I’m angry” or “I’m frustrated” instead.”

If you’re using redirection, continue with something like “Will you put on your sneakers or your boots today?”

Simple in concept, right?

I know you can do this this.

Questions or comments? Click here to share.

Key Links:

Want to listen to the How to Make No Sound Like Yes episode? Click here.

Click here for the first Common Parenting Challenge, episode 142 about how to handle disagreements with your parenting partner.

Listen to the second Common Parenting Challenge, episode 145 about how to help your child adhere to your daily schedule by clicking here.

Click here for the third Common Parenting Challenge, episode 148 about teaching patience to your young child.

150: How We Shape Our Kids’ Worldview: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

We’re going big-picture today, talking about Einstein’s idea that “the most important question facing humanity is, “is the universe a friendly place?”

Our answer to this question shapes how our children will answer this question; if we feel surrounded by enemies, so will our sons and daughters. Is that what we really want for them?

Or, do we want our children to feel themselves surrounded by friends?

For full show notes – and to sign up for next week’s free, online, interactive class, Common Parenting Challenges and How to Handle Each, go to weturnedoutokay.com/150!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Here is Einstein’s full quote:
“I think the most important question facing humanity is, “is the universe a friendly place?” This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves.
“For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.
“If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially “playing dice with the universe,” and we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.
“But if we decide that the universe is a friendly place, and we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives.
“God does not play dice with the universe.”

It’s really not fair, is it, that we don’t find out until after they are born how much our behavior shapes and determines our kids’ lives.

Fair or not – it’s the way life is.

So we parents really need to decide: friendly, or unfriendly?

I choose friendly. How about you?

Click here to let me know what you think!

Key Links:

Sometimes podcasting takes you to places you weren’t anticipating, and today is no exception! Click here to check out The Big Dark, Rodman Philbrick’s masterpiece with this Einstein question firmly at its core.

 

149: Work-Life Balance, Unconventional Parenting, and Fostering Kids’ Authenticity – Roundtable Part 2

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I’ve been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We’ve been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you’re going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part two of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Today’s topics: stay-at-home dads, the benefits of unconventional (read: “weird”) parenting, and raising kids to do what they love – even if you can’t see how that might be useful later.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/149 for show notes and key links, including the sign-up for my upcoming free, live online class in how to alleviate Common Parenting Challenges!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Topic 1: ” I Parent Weirdly”
– in which Dina asserts that she parents weirdly; I suggest that perhaps everyone does; Angela states she doesn’t – and we decide that “weird” is the wrong word and we all like “unconventional” better.

Topic 2: Mr. Mom
– in which Angela shares that at-home parenting wasn’t for her, and how embracing that and running with it made everybody in her home happier.

Topic 3: How do we help kids not hate their own voice?
– in which I talk about the great example my mother set when I was a young woman; a college professor asked me to join her newly-formed women’s choir, and I asked my singer mom “why would anyone want me in their choir?” – Mom told me “Don’t waste time hating your own voice.”
– We discuss the many different “voices” our kids have; Angela shares how she and her husband support their son’s love of graffiti; we all agree that the word voice is a stand-in for “authenticity,” and what a key character trait that truly is.

Questions or comments? Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to share!

Key Links:

Click here for our Roundtable, part one, episode 146.

Click here for Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture on YouTube; here for his book by the same name. Seriously, don’t miss these, they’re life-changing.

148: Is It Possible to Teach Patience to Young Children? Common Parenting Challenges, Part 3

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Look familiar?

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“When [my young daughter] is being impatient or persistent about doing something: at this age, how would I teach her to be patient?”

When listener Sherif asked this question recently, I knew it had to be part of the Common Parenting Challenges series!

Sherif asks some really pertinent follow-up questions:
– Is that possible at this age?
– Should I just distract her with something else?
– Should I stand my ground which will make her upset?
– If I give in to what she wants, is this teaching her how to always get her way?

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/148 to learn how to teach patience to your young child – and to sign up for the upcoming free, live Common Parenting Challenges online class, coming up Thursday, April 20!

 

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

 

I’m sure you’ve had some version of Sherif’s questions, especially when your child became a toddler. Here are my answers to these questions:

How do I teach patience to my young child? Is that possible at this age?

– I suggest that we don’t so much “teach” patience as “model” patience. Sherif’s daughter is 2, a notoriously difficult age for impatience – but each age has its own challenges, and even slightly older children (up till five or six) benefit from our modeling of patience. I guess, no matter what age our kids are they can benefit from our modeling of patience!

Should I just distract her with something else?

– I like to give distraction its fancypants biz name: Redirection. Redirection is really important in raising young kids! So, yes, Sherif – redirect away : )

Should I stand my ground which will make her upset?

– In parenting, often times we have to pick our battles. Definitely, stand your ground sometimes (we never ever let kids run into the street, that’s one we ALWAYS stand our ground on); the trick is in knowing which battles to pick!

If I give in to what she wants, is this teaching her how to always get her way?

– The short answer: Yes. Giving in teaches kids that, if they protest long enough and loud enough they’ll get what they want.
Giving in is the quickest way to more, longer, and louder meltdowns; much easier to create good, firm limits and don’t let them drop.

Sherif, and you if you’re not Sherif but you’re in this position, I hope this answers your questions! Is not always easy to model patience and follow-through. But it is what works best with young children.

Questions or comments? Give me a holler at weturnedoutokay.com/contact.

Key Links:

Click here for the first Common Parenting Challenges installment, episode 142 about disagreeing with your child-rearing partner over parenting stuff.

Click here for the second Common Parenting Challenges installment, episode 145 about how to handle it when your young child rebels against your schedule.

Check out the book I wrote to help parents handle all the challenges little kids throw at us, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, in Amazon. It’s really helpful for when you need a quick tactic to use immediately!

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

147: THE Key to Being Happier At Home: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Back in episode 140, parenting author KJ Dell’Antonia gave us many more great ideas than could be digested in one conversation… So for the first time in We Turned Out Okay history she’s got 3 Your Child Explained episodes all to herself!

In our conversation KJ commented: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

Today: the one thing you can do in your parenting that makes everything else either easier or unnecessary! (Can you tell I’ve been reading The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan?)

Click weturnedoutokay.com/147 to to listen, to sign up for tonight’s (Thursday, March 30, 2017, 8 PM EST) live, free NPC FAQ Q&A (at which you can grab a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, my e-book that helps you handle everything your little kids can throw at you) AND to sign up for the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class coming up in April!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

And/Or:  Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

 

I start today’s show off by remembering KJ’s comment: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

So, what’s the key, one thing we parents can do to ensure more happiness in our parenting, with our children, and in our homes?

It’s (drumroll, please…) Follow-through.

Every time we’re inconsistent we make life with children tougher and more of a struggle – on both them and us.

Kids need our consistency to feel safe, and to trust that the limits we set up will be there the next time they push on those limits. And the next time… And the next time.

So if we, as KJ mentions, “stop nagging and just do it ourselves,” we’ve set a limit – and then failed to keep that limit in place.

Today’s conversation focuses a little bit on the 4 C’s of leadership (which I’ve amended to the 5 C’s).

Originally a business world concept, I have found that the C’s of leadership, whether 4 or 5, make a huge difference in how parents view their roles at home. Kids need a strong leader (or two), and when we realize that and step into that role, everything gets easier.

Key Links:

Here is my conversation with KJ in episode 140; click here for episode 141, the first Your Child Explained referencing our conversation, and here for the second KJ-based YCE, episode 144.

For more on the 5 C’s of leadership and how they can be used in family life, check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help parents navigate the minefield that is modern parenting. Check it out there – but then, to get it for FREE, come to tonight’s NPC FAQ Q&A! Click the button above to sign up, and bring your questions : )

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

146: How the Wrong Kind of Pressure Damages Kids: Our First Roundtable!

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I’ve been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We’ve been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you’re going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part one of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Up for discussion today: how to not raise a-holes, The French Toast Alert System and how the culture of fear really messes with parents of young children, and making sure sure that we don’t put the wrong kinds of pressure on our young kids!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/146 for show notes and key links, including sign-up links to two upcoming free, live online classes I’m teaching: 1) the FAQ Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community coming up THIS Thursday, March 30 and where you can get a free copy of my parenting book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics and 2) the Common Parenting Challenges class coming up April 20!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Topic 1: The French Toast Alert System
– I brought this one up because I thought it was hilarious, a system that alerts people about upcoming snowstorms by gauging the likelihood of meeting to go out and buy milk, eggs, and bread (which up here in the Northeast, as a snowstorm is bearing down, are 3 commodities that sell out fast!)
– But our conversation moves quickly to the question: are alert systems a good thing? Do they desensitize, stress out, make us pay attention to the wrong stuff?

Topic 2: How to Not Raise A-holes
– Dina brought the question of topics for today’s show to her family, and her 21-year-old came up with the idea “how to not raise an a-hole.”
– This quickly leads into attachment parenting and a general consideration of what it takes to ensure our kids aren’t jerks when they grow up.

Topic 3: Too Much Pressure
– Angela has been thinking about the pressures put on her kids since they started high school in fall 2015. The pressures on her kids, and their peers, seems crazy to her!
– We discuss: the different kinds of pressures on kids; how to shield young kids and/or help them deal with pressure.

Key Links:

Check out the French Toast Alert System here!

Click here to see The Gift of Fear, Dina’s book recommendation, in Amazon.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

145: When Kids Rebel Against Your Daily Schedule: Common Parenting Challenges Part 2

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom o

Marla, the mom I spoke with in episode 82, created this scheduled to streamline busy mornings with daughter Gracie. (She did a great job : )

f this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“My four-year-old daughter is fine with our schedule a lot of the time. But sometimes she rejects it altogether! How can I make it so she’s going along?”

Recently I spoke with a mom who shared 3 key parenting struggles; I knew that you’d be struggling (most likely, anyway) with the same stuff, so I’ve put together a series of Common Parenting Challenges based on our conversation.

Today, we dig into scheduling!

Sometimes kids really rail against a schedule of any kind. How to help? Listen to today’s episode : )

Click weturnedoutokay.com/145 for complete show notes and key links – including “Helping Marla Streamline Busy Mornings” episode 82, and to sign up for two things: the upcoming free, live NPC FAQ Q&A on March 30, 8 PM EST (where you can get a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics); and the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class on Thursday night April 20, 8 PM EST!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

The Common Parenting Challenge:

“My four-year-old daughter is fine with our schedule a lot of the time. But sometimes she rejects it all together! How can I make it so she’s going along with our morning schedule?”

Nothing will work one hundred percent of the time; much as we wish it differently when they’re small, kids need to go their own way sometimes. (As much as we wish they would obey our every command, believe me, we do not wish this when they’re older – unless we heartily wish they were still living with us, depending upon us, at age 35!)

When your child is balking at your schedule, and yet you still need to get up, eat breakfast, and get out the door, try this:

The evening before, as he’s settling in to bed, bring them tomorrow schedule and ask him: which would you like to do first tomorrow, brush your teeth or get dressed?

Giving kids some autonomy, some choices in their schedule, can make a huge difference to their adherence to the schedule. When we give them choices it helps them own the schedule; humans really love to have some say in how they spend their days.

Two notes of caution: first, two-year-olds often have a tougher time handling choices in a schedule (no surprise – they’re barely verbal and are in a tougher, more tempestuous place than, say, your average four-year-old.)

I’d advise trying this with kids younger than four, but just know that it may not work as well!

Secondly, make sure that the “reward” – the time with you, the time in front of the tube, the time listening/dancing to music – is still at the end; they need that reward to work towards.

Questions? Give me a holler at weturnedoutokay.com/contact!

Key Links:

This mom with whom I spoke made her schedule after listening to episode 82, Helping Marla Streamline Busy Mornings – listen to that episode by clicking here!

Part 1 of Common Parenting Challenges: listen to episode 142, about working through disagreements with your spouse regarding child rearing, by clicking here.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

144: Homework Troubles – How to Help When Your Young Child Struggles With Homework, A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this page and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

A few weeks ago, in episode 140, guest KJ Dell’Antonia dropped so many knowledge bombs that I knew we’d need more than one Your Child Explained to really comprehend them all.

Here’s part 2 of 3 – all about homework and how to intervene when your child can’t take anymore!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/144 for show notes, links to last fall’s homework episode and conversation with the president of the American Academy of Pediatrics – and to sign up for the free, live NPC FAQ Q&A I’m hosting Thursday night, March 30 at 8 PM EST (where you can grab your free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book that helps you handle every challenge your kids throw at you!)

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

KJ shared some great advice advice about intervening on behalf of your child.

She suggests “going in with your observations… and a question.”

Today we talk about making those observations – and what the question should be.

– The observations must take place over time, a day or two of your child having a meltdown over homework won’t be enough. KJ recommends getting the meltdowns on video if possible, so your child’s teacher understands what’s really going on at home about homework.

– The question must be some version of “how can we work together to solve this problem?”

Sometimes the teacher-parent relationship can seem very adversarial. If you want to help your child through her homework struggles, you need to find a way to work together with the teacher.

Questions or comments about today’s episode? Drop me a line at weturnedoutokay.com/contact!

Key Links:

Listen to my conversation with KJ Dell’Antonia, episode 140, by clicking here.

Click here to listen to episode 106: Join the Homework Revolt!

Click here to listen to episode 107, my conversation with American Academy of Pediatrics President Dr. Benard Dreyer.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

143: Online Safety for Families – Speaking with Dad and Web Design Company President Rich Stearman

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this page and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“How do I keep my kids safe online? How do I keep my devices safe from hackers?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself either of these questions, you are going to love today’s episode.

Today’s guest, Rich Stearman, president of the web design company Ashdown Technologies, addresses these issues and lots more on the show!

Ben, our boys, and I have been really close with Rich, his wife Kathy, and their boys for decades – since before either of us couples had any kids, in fact.

Rich is our go-to guy for technology questions; I asked him onto the show so that he can be your go-to guy as well! (At least for the length of this episode : )

True to form, our conversation ranges far and wide, and there’s a lot more great parenting information in here than merely about technology.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/143 for key links and to listen!

Key Links:

Rich and I discuss many aspects of digital safety, from protecting your computer against hackers to figuring out how to mentor kids as they begin venturing out onto the Internet.

Any conversation about tech and kids needs to include the work of Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise; click here to listen to my conversation with Devorah.

I hope you enjoy today’s episode!

142: What to do if you and your spouse are not on the same page – Part 1 in the Common Parenting Challenges Series

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

You don’t want your kids to have any more screen time – and your spouse plops them in front of the tube. You know that giving in to a temper tantrum is the fastest route to more, and longer, temper tantrums; yet your spouse gives in again and again.

Sound familiar?

Today we talk all about how to handle when your spouse isn’t on the same page (and your page is the right page).

Recently while talking with a mom of 2 young girls, some pretty major – and common – parenting issues came up. I knew that, if this mom is struggling with these issues, that you probably are as well!
Hence our series: Common Parenting Challenges. Join us during the March and April Just You and Me episodes as we address these parenting challenges one by one!

Read the show notes, get the How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide, and listen to the show by going to https://weturnedoutokay.com/142!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

 

This is such a common parenting challenge; so often each parent feels that their way is the correct way, and both have trouble agreeing on a way forward. Worse, it can be easy to get into an argument in front of the kids!

Here’s what to do if you find yourself in this situation:

– away from the kids, agree on some guidelines for “how much screen time/when;” “how to live through a temper tantrum without giving in;” rules for meal time, etc.

Speaking of temper tantrums – if you’re looking for a way to handle them, click the button below to download my free How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide! It even comes with a fridge-worthy, printable infographic so that everybody’s on the same page in handling a temper tantrum.

Click Here to Get the Guide

 

– choose a Word that either of you can invoke whenever things get uncomfortable; when one of you says this word, it’s an indication to the other that, before you continue discussing “this” in front of kids, the two of you need to talk privately.
This Word is an instrumental part of our parenting here in the Kolp household, we use it personally and I bet it could be really useful for you!

– work to have consistency with rules, so that one isn’t allowing something the other feels uncomfortable with

Stay tuned for Part 2 in the Common Parenting Challenges series! And if you have a Common Parenting Fail, something you’re struggling with in your home, get in touch! Let me know what it is, and hopefully I can address it on the show and get you some help.

Go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/contact to share, and have a great day!

141: Use This Ninja Tactic to Cut Down on Your Child’s Bad Behavior – A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

During Tuesday’s guest conversation, mom and author KJ Dell’Antonia shared the results of a pretty big (1000-person) survey of parents she commissioned as research for her upcoming book.

The thing that parents worry about most?
“Discipline,” KJ shares.

Discipline enters into many aspects of our parenting lives.

It’s firmness in enforcing rules; consistency in keeping routines established; being good models for our children.

During our conversation, I share a lesson taught to me long ago, in my first years of teaching, about “not moving our kids’ walls.”

KJ was so taken with this idea that she quotes me in her blog this week!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/141 to listen, and to read about how moving our children’s walls creates the bad behavior we really don’t want to see.

Today’s show is brought to you by the We Turned Out Okay free guide to Handling Every Temper Tantrum:

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Moving our kids’ walls is another way of expressing the importance of consistency.

(And consistency is… One aspect of discipline. We’re back to that again, my friend.)

Here’s what KJ wrote in her Week 3 Chore Challenge blog post about moving walls:

I was a guest on Karen Lock Kolp’s “We Turned Out Okay” podcast today, and she said something very insightful (which she attributed to an older teacher who was part of her teacher training earlier in life):

“If you tell a child you expect them to do something, like put away the blocks every time he’s used them, then that’s sort of a room you’ve created in his brain, where things work a certain way, where there are certain walls. Then if some of the time, you let him leave the blocks without putting them away, you’re moving the walls. And nobody likes it when the walls move.”

When we’re inconsistent, when we keep changing the rules (or enforcing them only sometimes) – were moving our children’s walls.

It’s very scary for them when their walls move.

When children are scared, they will react in any number of ways: with tantrums, whining, tears… In short, behavior that we don’t want to see. In shorter, bad behavior.

That’s why this idea of not moving their walls is so important.

I love it because it starts with us; our consistency – or lack of – is what really matters here.

Of course, that’s why I also hate it; it puts the responsibility squarely on me to be consistent!

If that can happen at least most of the time, believe me, it will be enough.

Key Links:

Click here to read KJ’s Chore Challenge blog post.

Click here to join her chore challenge!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child. Not moving our kids’ walls comes up in here – because it’s a great ninja tactic! Read my book to learn more about this one, and many other ninja tactics that will help you in your parenting every single day.

140: How to Be Happier In Your Parenting: A Conversation with Mom, Author, Columnist and New York Times Contributing Editor KJ Dell’ Antonia

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guest didn’t set out to be a writer. But after getting her law degree and being a practicing attorney for six years, she made a discovery: law just wasn’t her thing; instead, she found, she was a writer.

In the spirit of finding stuff out through writing, KJ Dell’Antonia began freelancing about motherhood; she’s written for Slate magazine, Parenting magazine, Parents magazine, and many others. She is now a contributing editor and columnist on the Well Family page at the New York Times, and currently on book leave to write – what else? – a book that’s going to help us be happier in our parenting.

KJ shares where her research for this as-yet-unnamed parenting book is taking her, and you’re going to be thrilled because she’s investigating all the problems that you are most likely currently living with!

To find out how to handle getting your kids to do more around the house, how to help with homework, and how to be a part of KJ’s chores project (i.e.: getting your kids to do more chores) click weturnedoutokay.com/140!

Today’s episode is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Do you struggle to manage your child’s behavior at home?
Is she in trouble at school or child care?
Is he starting to think of himself as a “bad kid” – even though you know he’s not?

Get the expert advice, training courses, and support you need

To help your children, but especially to help yourself.
The Ninja Parenting Community teaches moms and dads just like you to get into their best parenting mindset and thus be happier, less stressed, and more confident in parenting and beyond.

Click here to learn more about the Ninja Parenting Community, and start worrying less and enjoying more at home!

Guess what the vast majority of parents struggle with on a day-to-day basis?

KJ’s done extensive research on this, even commissioning a study with 1000 parents, for her upcoming book.

Her research shows that most parents struggle with one concept:

Discipline.

(I know… It sounded familiar to me too.)

Today, KJ shares how discipline wends its way through everything else in our parenting lives: chores, homework, consistency.

KJ is currently running a free project for parents (herself included : )
Click here to see what it’s all about!
Also! In our conversation today I bring up the concept of not moving kids’ walls… And KJ honored me by using this concept in week three of her chore challenge! Click here to read more : )

You can also find KJ:
on instagram here; and on twitter here.

She’s really fun to connect with out in the social media world, and not just for the adorable and funny Playmobil pictures she posts!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child in Amazon; you can even read the introduction for free to determine if my book will be helpful to you.

139: 3 Ways to Help Your Anxious Child

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

When listener Marcy wrote recently, asking for help with her son, whom “counselors and therapists believe may be suffering from depression and anxiety,” and the decision to either keep him in school or pull him out to homeschool, I initially thought I’d answer her question in a Your Child Explained episode, and address the school-homeschool decision.

On reflection, however, I saw something bigger in Marcy’s question and decided to focus this Just You and Me episode on the bigger issue: how to help when a child is anxious or depressed.

Kids can be anxious and/or depressed for any number of reasons.

As parents, even if we are not completely sure what’s causing the worries and anxiety, it’s our job to do everything we can to help.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/139 to read Marcy’s full question and the three ways I identify to help, as well as links to other helpful resources!

Today’s show is brought to you by the We Turned Out Okay free guide to Handling Every Temper Tantrum:

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

 

Marcy writes:
“Hello, I have a 12-year-old son in 6 grade. He has been refusing to go to school on and off ever since fifth grade. We’ve taken him to counselors and therapists and they believe he may be suffering from depression and anxiety. We are scheduling a meeting with a child psychologist. His teachers enjoy having him in class and he understands his assignments and subjects. He just says it’s too boring and you don’t have enough time to talk to friends when you are in school.
In the meantime, do you have any suggestions on how to get him to school or should we just homeschool or online school? His teachers, counselors, and therapists don’t suggest we go down the homeschool online route.
HELP!!!!”

As I try to do whenever y’all write in with a question, I sent Marcy book suggestions that I thought would help her make the decision about whether to keep her son in school or begin homeschooling.

Then, as I was preparing to answer this question in the podcast, I realized that it’s a much bigger question than To School or Not To School.

Regardless of whether Marcy’s son stays in school or comes out, he still has anxiety and depression. And, while I’m not a therapist or psychologist, my training and experience as a teacher and parent helped me identify three important factors in aiding our anxious children:

1) Spend time with them.
Especially, spend time doing the things that your kids love to do: throwing a ball together, swimming, stamp-collecting, play dough – it doesn’t matter as long as it’s together time WITHOUT screens.

2) Listen to them; answer their questions.
This can be harder than it appears! Listening requires setting aside our own ideas and expectations, to truly hear what our sons and daughters have to say.
Marcy, because your son is articulating that he is bored in school and doesn’t feel that he has enough time for friends there, I believe that if you can find ways to alleviate the boredom and help him connect with friends, that may be something that’s truly helpful in your situation.
As we listen to our kids talk, we also need to especially listen for their questions, which won’t always be in the form of questions.
Is the child looking for reassurance that you’ll help him get through a certain situation? Is she looking for your ideas to help her come through this tough time? Do they just need a hug and your communication that you understand what they’re going through?
Knowing that your mom or dad is in your corner – that they’re always there for you even if you’ve gotten in trouble or don’t know what to do – is what 2) is all about.

3) Adopt and keep a solid routine.
Eating dinner together as a family, limiting screens in the hours before bedtime, making sure kids are in bed in time for a good night’s sleep – these are key to helping children surmount anxiety and depression.

Key Links:

Click here for last week’s episode, my conversation with licensed mental health counselor Janine Halloran of copingskillsforkids.com.

Click here for author Alfie Kohn’s Amazon page; Alfie’s entire career has been spent learning about kids’ reactions to school and he’s got many great suggestions on the best mindset we can have as parents about kids and school.

Click here to look into the book I wrote about every day discipline, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, and here to learn more about the Ninja Parenting Community, where I get to work more closely with you if you’re worried about your child (or your own sanity while you raise him or her).

138: A Method to Avoid While Potty Training – Answering A Listener Question in this Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

I’ve been really wanting to do a show on potty training, but I’ve held back for a few reasons: one biggie is that I just haven’t found a great book on the subject, and another is that my experience potty training my oldest was really tough!

But recently I heard from listener Erika, who had this to say:
“I have to have the most stubborn child on the planet and have tried everything I can think of. Rewards, candy, bribes, consequences, charts, toys, reverse psychology. I am out of ideas and at my wits end.”

Erika goes on to say that her son has twice been completely potty trained – and has regressed. She’s very worried because he will start kindergarten in the fall and she’s concerned about the social aspects of that, harassment by other kids, etc.…

Very similar, in fact, to how I was feeling when my oldest was totally not into potty training!

And so today we take on possibly one of the biggest, scariest subjects in all of parenting young children…

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/138 for show notes and to listen to this episode!

Today’s show is brought to you by the We Turned Out Okay free guide to Handling Every Temper Tantrum:

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

 

I told Erika that, instead of having a book to recommend (as I usually do when somebody has a question for me), for her I have one to avoid: Toilet Training in Less Than One Day, a book which I tried to use when training my oldest – it was an epic fail.

I tried so hard to follow all the directions in this book, and I had really high expectations for training; the end of that “one day” found my then-three-year-old running around upstairs, underwear-and diaper-free – and me in the basement, waiting for his underwear to be dry, in tears and being talked off the ledge by a best buddy on the phone!

That night, as I was returning the book to the library, I got the best advice I’d had yet:
“don’t worry about the potty training.”

We’re really lucky in our library to have several beloved librarians, and this advice came from one of my favorites, mom to several adult children. She told me: “little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems. Don’t worry about the potty training.”

Somehow that took a ton of stress off my shoulders! She assured me that my three-year-old would (eventually) be potty trained, and in fact it took quite a while longer for him. But he was fully trained by the time he went to kindergarten – as predicted by the librarian, and Erika, that is the advice I have for you today.

– Don’t stress. You rightly share that you know he has to at least have some motivation; remember that piece of knowledge as you work with him to get trained before kindergarten.
– Lots of kids have accidents, even in kindergarten; even if this happens to your son and even if he is made fun of, he will be okay… In listening to this episode you’ll hear me sharing about what it finally took to get me to willingly wash my face – at age 9! (Hint: it was peer pressure and not my folks : )

I hope this Your Child Explained helps!

137: How to Help Your Child Curb Stress and Anxiety: A Conversation with Mom and Mental Health Counselor Janine Halloran

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Lots of things can happen over the course of a day to make us all feel anxious…How does your child handle anxiety?

Today’s guest is a true play specialist.

Today licensed mental health counselor, play expert, and mom-to-2 Janine Halloran gives us some wonderful – and very specific – tools to help our kids handle stress.

True to the nature of We Turned Out Okay, my hour-long conversation with Janine covers lots more than this! Janine and her family are spending the year in California, clear across the country from their home in Massachusetts; we talk about how and why the Hallorans took on this move. We also dig into the concept of fidgets, devices to help people concentrate better – and this podcaster realizes that fidgets are more of a thing – in her own life – then she realized.

To read about Janine’s stress-busting advice, get links to some great books about play and her websites on encouraging play and teaching children coping skills, and to listen to the show click weturnedoutokay.com/137!

Today’s episode is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Do you struggle to manage your child’s behavior at home?
Is she in trouble at school or child care?
Is he starting to think of himself as a “bad kid” – even though you know he’s not?

Get the expert advice, training courses, and support you need

To help your children, but especially to help yourself.
The Ninja Parenting Community teaches moms and dads just like you to get into their best parenting mindset and thus be happier, less stressed, and more confident in parenting and beyond.

Click here to learn more about the Ninja Parenting Community, and start worrying less and enjoying more at home!

“Trust your gut… Go with it… Help your kid.”
– Janine Halloran, in today’s conversation

As parents we often don’t realize the kind of power we have to help our children surmount the anxieties and stresses they may be feeling.

Janine suggests:
– spend time with kids and observe their behavior; kids don’t say to us “I am worried… I am stressed out…” The only way to truly understand the cause of their anxieties is observation.
– kids might be anxious for any number of reasons; even if it’s tough to determine the cause, we can still help… We can teach coping mechanisms, we can listen if our kids are able to talk about their fears, we can support them by spending time with them, talking to them, reading with them, showing them in our behavior how to best handle stress and anxiety
– we can encourage the use of fidgets! The idea of a piece of Velcro under a desk, putty or play dough to squeeze, or a small ribbon or piece of felt to hold – specifically to help people concentrate – is new to me.

Fidgets were a true revelation: it turns out I use them for myself all the time!

Maybe you do, too.
(If you’re a hair twirler, you most certainly are using a fidget : )

Key Links

Click here for Janine’s Coping Skills for Kids website; click here for her Encourage Play website. In both places you’ll find more resources and suggestions for alleviating stress and encouraging curiosity and creativity.

To listen to my first conversation with Janine, click here.

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child in Amazon; you can even read the introduction for free to determine if my book will be helpful to you.

Here is the link to Not A Box; click here for Not A Stick; click here for the Loose Parts book; and here for the book about Owen and his blanky.

Special Announcement: Come Join The Free 10-Day Friendly Mirror Challenge!

Note (2/13/17) : The Friendly Mirror 10-day Challenge is currently closed to new participants.
Stay tuned, because soon the Challenge will be open again!

As a podcaster who helps you advocate better for your young children, I meet and hear from an awful lot of you who are… Unhappy. Stuck. Sinking under all your worries and fears for your children – and awfully hard on yourselves.

In January I did two episodes about goal-setting and affirmations, and I shared about one particular life-changing exercise I’ve done every night for more than a year: speaking to myself in the mirror.

That idea resonated with a lot of you – but you had a hard time imagining how to begin, or even believing you could really speak to yourself in your own mirror.

So I’ve created a free, 10-Day challenge… I called it The Friendly Mirror because I do hope that, by the end of the challenge, you’ll be doing this exercise too.

Maybe you think that self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are fine for other people, but not for you (I know I used to feel this way.)

I work with a lot of moms and dads who struggle with this – and the struggle 100% affects their parenting, and thus their kids.

If you need a kick in the pants – or a guide into the world of not scowling in the mirror – then sign up for my free Friendly Mirror 10-day challenge!

The Challenge will be conducted via video modules and a live interactive training session; specifically, each day for 10 days you’ll get the latest video module, sometimes with a mini-assignment to complete if you choose. We’ll wrap up with a live training session to answer your questions and work on keeping our great momentum going…

Click here to sign up!

Or – click here to go to the private Facebook group I’ve set up for our challenge.

Or, click here to sign up for the challenge on the post for this special announcement.

I really hope you’ll join the challenge!