333.5: When you feel small, helpless, and afraid, listen to this.

(FYI: about 10 or so minutes in, I use the word “jackass” once or twice… it’s not enough for an E-rating, but I want you to be aware just in case you want to listen away from sensitive ears.)

Hi Friends,

I had planned for, and drafted, a very different kind of post today for you (I got about a dozen spider bites while sleeping Saturday night, and we’ve got a very large ant invasion going on in our kitchen; my abandoned draft was largely about these.)

But as I wrote I realized how truly small and insignificant these concerns of mine are.

There is a lot going on in the world, and a lot going on in the news.

And I wanted to start the week off with a simpler message.

I wasn’t sure what that message would be, except somehow I wanted to transcend the fear, the worry, and the struggles that we are seeing in the news, and even in our own homes.

My family and I just finished virtually attending the closing ceremonies for the year at my son’s school, and the Executive Director George Popham teared up saying the following:

“If there’s one important thing we should be doing, it is to put good, kind people in the world.”

Immediately I knew that that was the message I wanted to share. Continue reading “333.5: When you feel small, helpless, and afraid, listen to this.”

333: How are you holding up? 3 ways to keep going

I chose this picture for today’s episode because, for some reason, the idea that butterflies have no idea that we’re in a pandemic is helping me feel better about the whole thing

“I feel like I’m completely alone trying to meet completely insatiable needs for days on end.”
That is what one of the moms in my online coaching practice, the Ninja Parenting Community, wrote early last week.

She’s not the only one. Not by a longshot!
In this week’s episode I share my best ideas for getting through a crisis.
Even a slow-motion, simultaneously-terrifying-and-tedious, pandemic-induced crisis like the one we’re in now in June 2020.

If your energy, patience, and/or well-being is flagging, first of all let me offer HUGE hugs!
Listen to this episode for some practical things you can do to get through the toughest of these tough times.

Join us!

Links that come up today:

Parenting Masterclass
For the all-summer-long live Masterclass series, “Parenting in Place,” which features lots of WTOO beloved guests and friends, like Audrey Monke, Jessica Lahey, and Devorah Heitner, click here! (I’m signed up for it, and I hope you’ll sign up too!)

Continue reading “333: How are you holding up? 3 ways to keep going”

Overcoming anxiety about transitions

Happy Wednesday!

FYI: NPC Grand Reopening sale : )
I have been working hard behind the scenes, creating a 5-module course on “How to keep going” and a training on “how to handle your child’s angry outbursts,” not to mention spring cleaning in the Ninja Parenting Community… the response from NPC members has been wonderful!

I’m excited to reopen NPC registration so you can get the help you need coming through the pandemic <3
Details below!

_______________________________________________I wrote the following in the NPC forums last week.

I am putting the whole post here in its entirety, for a few reasons:

– I wanted to show NPC as a place where everyone – even me – can feel safe to share their challenges

– I wanted you to be able to see the depth of learning, and how it happens on so many levels, from the smallest interaction with a child, to the biggest most overarching worries members may have

– I wanted to share a success! Just in case you’re feeling like they are pretty thin on the ground these days
(NPC Members: click here to celebrate this success with me in the community forums: )

Okay, here goes with my post:

Continue reading “Overcoming anxiety about transitions”

332: Helping your child through the pandemic, with preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso

I am so excited to bring you this installment of OkayCon 2020 with beloved guest, special needs preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso!

Tricia helps us:
– Work out a routine to make our days a little easier right now
– Help our kids through what they’re struggling with
– Keep going, even when we feel like we kinda can’t

I hope you find our conversation as helpful as I did!

(Scroll down in this post for the YouTube version of this conversation – and/or click the following link for all the OkayCon 2020 Free Virtual Summit presentations –
weturnedoutokay.com/OkayCon2020 : )

Here are a few other ways I can help you hang onto your sanity, both during and after the pandemic:
Continue reading “332: Helping your child through the pandemic, with preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso”

331: How to handle your child’s rage

“My biggest struggle is with my five-year-old. When she is angry she scratches, bites and sometimes hits. She also yells very loudly. I would love some advice on how to get her to stop.”

A listener wrote in with this question, and I knew it would probably resonate with many listeners.

Like us adults, kids are experiencing lots and lots of angry feelings – more so than pre-pandemic, without the usual outlets or often even the ability to leave the house and get a change of scene.

It can be difficult for adults to deal with our own rage, after years and decades of experience… It’s so much harder for kids to deal with their rage.

They need our help! Today I share a 3-part formula that I hope you find helpful in handling your child’s angry outbursts.

We’ve also got an impromptu Parenting News, featuring the following:
The Forge article “Your Only Goal Is to Arrive,” about how only one thing really matters right now in bringing our families through the pandemic.

A new book – Why are You Still Sending Your Kids to School? – from friend-of-the-podcast and expert in raising self-directed learners Blake Boles. I share the Amazon link here, but Blake asks that you consider purchasing it through “local bookstores, which could certainly use the business right now.”
(I share about this book both in the Parenting News, and also in the main part of this episode. I think it’s required reading, not just in handling your young child’s rage, but also in raising resilient and happy kids. Highly recommended!)

Join us!

Notes, including tons of links and a cheat sheet of the 3-part formula to handle your child’s angry outbursts, are at weturnedoutokay.com/331 : )

Also: I have been working hard behind the scenes, creating a 5-module course on “How to keep going” and a training on “how to handle your child’s angry outbursts,” not to mention spring cleaning in the Ninja Parenting Community… and in this episode I share when registration opens once more for NPC!
The response from NPC members has been wonderful, and I’m excited to open up the community for those of you who want the extra support coming through the pandemic.
Listen in to this episode to find out when registration opens, if you need that supportive community, and help from an expert in child development.

Join the We Turned Out Okay book club!

I wrote a newsletter recently on how to handle it if you’re feeling anxiety in the pandemic (and after). Click the link below to read it:

To watch the Free Virtual Summit I created in response to the 2020 coronavirus pandemic go to:

We will get through this together <3

Continue reading “331: How to handle your child’s rage”

Instilling values, throwing rocks, and how I screwed up with the WTOO Book Club

Hey Friends,

WTOO Book Club: I screwed up last week, and prevented some of you from being able to attend last week’s Book Club meeting.
My error was due to the administrative nightmare I created, trying to move as quickly as possible to get the book club open and get you the link, if you wanted to be a part of it.

I am SO sorry!

If you want to be a part of the WTOO Book Club – even if you attended last week – please click this link to sign up for this week’s, and future meetings:

This week’s WTOO Book Club chapter is all about “the Why of the parent ninja.”

It’s about values, and how we instill them in our children.

In this week’s meeting I’ll share a story about the time I was invited to throw a rock through one of my school’s plate glass windows, and how the values instilled in me shaped the way I acted that day.

(To read a little more on my thinking around instilling values in children, read on.) Continue reading “Instilling values, throwing rocks, and how I screwed up with the WTOO Book Club”

It is normal to be anxious when everything is changing.

Happy Friday!
As the world reopens, the parents I work closely with are feeling all kinds of different ways about it.
But mostly how we are all feeling – myself, and my family included – is anxious.

Just as we started to figure out how to get through days and weeks in lockdown, everything is changing. Again.

Here’s one thing I know: if anyone can survive this change, and make it through, it’s you.

Parents of young children are (I feel anyway) uniquely positioned to handle the most extreme, uncomfortable, simultaneously-tedious-and-terrifying circumstances:

  • You’ve been barfed on.
  • You’ve carried screaming children through malls and gyms and restaurants.
  • You’ve encountered judgment and scorn and shame.
  • You have worried about your kids, at the same time as your heart has been breaking with their cuteness, or silliness, or kindness, or a demonstration of their love for you

Through all the change and anxiety, you have persevered.

The aftermath of the pandemic represents a step into a new and different kind of reality.

And I am so in awe of you, as you have come through this whole thing.

In my heart I feel that you are going to not just make it through, but thrive. And I know you will also help your kiddos to thrive.

You have got this!

Here is what some of the parents I work closely with have been doing, to get through:
Continue reading “It is normal to be anxious when everything is changing.”

330: What should kids be learning during the pandemic?

FYI if you want some company, some learning, and some stories, join the WTOO Book Club! During our first meeting I am sharing about a truly low point in my own parenting, and asking the question “how do we come back from crummy parenting moments? Join us Wednesday, May 13 at 9 PM EST – click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly to get the link to the meeting! Hope to see you there : )

I am so excited to bring you this conversation today, which will be so helpful as these weeks of confinement and social distancing spool out…
Today I get to share my conversation with Terry Louison. Terry is an educator, a self-directed learner, and the program director for Baystate Learning Center (morethanjustaschool.com) – the school my son goes to!

During our conversation you will learn:
– What’s most important for kids to be learning right now, during the pandemic
– Why that learning doesn’t have to be stressful, for you or your child
– Concrete ideas taken from Terry’s own curriculum and plans for virtual teaching

Join us!

Terry’s presentation is one of many from OkayCon 2020, the Free Virtual Summit I recently wrapped up! Go to weturnedoutokay.com/OkayCon2020 for all the presentations!

Also: go to weturnedoutokay.com/330 to watch Terry’s video presentation.

Hope you are staying well and safe during the pandemic.
We will get through it together <3 Continue reading “330: What should kids be learning during the pandemic?”

329.5: What is working right now in getting you through this pandemic

WTOO Book Club – Starting Wednesday, May 13 at 8 PM EST we are doing a chapter-by-chapter weekly read of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics. We will learn to get good behavior from kiddos, share some stories, and spend some time each week together. If that sounds good to you, Click here to join the WTOO Book Club!


Working closely with parents of young children during this pandemic, I’ve seen so many examples of bad behavior:

– Kids smearing peanut butter on walls, dumping vinegar in beds, destroying furniture
– Kids pulling pets’ tales, chasing them with scooters, threatening the pets, and their own safety (when the animals retaliate)
– Kids getting overly clingy, going back and forth in terms of emotions between overexcited and happy, to abjectly despairing and melting down
– Kids reverting from potty training, showing immature behaviors that hadn’t been seen for weeks or months or years
– Kids unable to control their rage and angry feelings

And it’s not only kids reacting to the situation with heightened emotions. We are doing it too!

The questions I hear from the people I work most closely with: “I feel so lost. How do I live through this? What do I DO?”

This presentation comes directly from the solutions these parents have found. I am excited to bring them to you!

Today I share 7 things you can do to feel better – these are the ways I’m seeing parents use successfully to LIVE in this right now, as opposed to just living through this.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/329 to read the cheat sheet of these steps.

We will get through this together!

In previous episodes I’ve mentioned how appreciative I am of my town’s weekday Emergency Meetings which they post in YouTube. This past week I was invited on the show! (Click here to view!)
I talk about how to get kids to wear masks, what to do when you are absolutely at your wit’s end, and more. I’m posting it in here because I hope it will be helpful for you, even if you do not live in my town <3

Free Help for Parents in the Pandemic – in April 2020 I created the OkayCon Free Virtual Summit, 10 conversations with experts in fields of crucial importance to you right now (kids’ behavior, finances, finding a job, home security, and lots more). These conversations are all available for free, for ever, at this link. I hope the Virtual Summit is helpful for you!

329: “How do I say “no” to my child’s physical aggression without losing my calm?”

The pressures of home and family life during lockdown play a big part in today’s conversation.
Like you, my guest Anne and her family are sheltering in place.
Like you, Anne has her good days and bad days – as does her 5-year-old son.
But several weeks ago something happened in their family life that caused Anne’s son to erupt into angry outbursts: the accidental death of Dilly, the baby bird the family had taken in.

Today, you get to listen in on a coaching exercise to help Anne bring her son back from the brink.
(It’s the process that I use frequently in my online coaching practice, the Ninja Parenting Community, to help members figure out what is really going on, and how to start addressing it, to make everyday family life better.)
As you’ll hear, getting good behavior from her five-year-old means:
– Recognizing that her instincts are sound, and that she is doing a great job!
– Working with the other adults in the house as a team
– Remaining calm and positive, even in these very difficult circumstances

If you need some inspiration and ideas for getting through tough times, during lockdown and beyond, this is the conversation for you!

Join us! And huge thanks to you Anne!

WTOO Book Club – Starting Wednesday, May 13 at 8 PM EST we are doing a chapter-by-chapter weekly read of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics. We will learn to get good behavior from kiddos, share some stories, and spend some time each week together. If that sounds good to you, Click here to join the WTOO Book Club!