If there was ever a time to call what we are all doing “crisis parenting,” now is it.
In this episode, I bring you a critical tool to help you keep going!
I also share about why I called this show “We Turned Out Okay, The Modern Parent’s Guide to Old-School Parenting.”
A mom in the WTOO Facebook group asked that question, and this Basics Bootcamp episode seemed like the perfect time to talk about that!
Hi Friends! Today I’m talking about some successes we’ve seen both with a coaching client, and here at home : )
Aaaaand… the WTOO Book Club starts up September 16, this coming Wednesday (if you’re seeing this in real time)!
<————– Current WTOO Book Club Book!
I’m sharing the book we will be discussing, and how to join!
(Which is: Go to weturnedoutokay.com/joinNPC to get our Book Club meetings for free – as part of your first 30 days Free – in the Ninja Parenting Community, which is where the WTOO Book Club now lives : )
I am SUPER excited to spend some quality time together, talk about what’s really on your mind right now as a parent, and learn along with you.
Karen Lock Kolp M.Ed.
Child Development Expert, Parent Coach
Host of the We Turned Out Okay Podcast, helping parents of young children change kids’ behavior from bad to good; feel happy inside; and truly enjoy family time weturnedoutokay.com/
Publisher of the monthly We Turned Out Okay Playbook, teaching simple, powerful tools to help parents feel in control of family life, and happy inside weturnedoutokay.com/playbook/
Author of 3 parenting books including Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, written to help parents “keep calm and handle every temper tantrum” weturnedoutokay.com/books/
The quote I live by: “The opposite of play is not work. It is depression.” – Brian Sutton-Smith
I’m so excited to bring you today’s guest, Phyllis Fagell, LCPC, mom, school counselor, and author of the wonderful book Middle School Matters.
Phyllis helps us (yes – I include myself in here : )
– Pick our battles
– Talk with teachers and caregivers
– Figure out what we CAN do
In short Phyllis helps us feel in control of our family’s direction right now.
That’s SO important, given this extremely shaky start to the school year and our worries about the pandemic, downright silly politics, and the need for racial and social justice.
Not to mention our own need to pour from a full cup and not an empty one.
Given all that, I know you are going to LOVE our conversation!
You can find Phyllis, and all the wonderful work she does, by going to PhyllisFagell.com <3
Links that come up in today’s episode:
Because we’ve gone to and every-other-week schedule, in each episode I offer a back episode of We Turned Out Okay, something you can listen to in our off week!
Today, I bring you my first conversation with Raeshal Solomon, from episode 215. Raeshal single-handedly got herself out from under a mountain of debt, while living with a serious chronic illness. She’s a money expert, but more than that she is an expert in keeping going! I know you are going to love this conversation.
(Raeshal was also a part of OkayCon 2020, my Free Virtual Summit from this past March, right at the beginning of the pandemic. Click weturnedoutokay.com/328 for Raeshal’s wonderful contribution to OkayCon 2020.)
I’m excited to share, I will be part of the Reignite Toddler Play global virtual summit coming up at the end of this month! I don’t have the link yet, but as soon as I do I will drop it in here. Holly Peretz, the creator of the Virtual Summit interviewed me this past week and I just know you’re going to love this conference!
I’m spending September offering you HOPE…
– Click here to watch the first module of my premium “How to Keep Going” course, absolutely free, right there on the page.
– On that page you can also sign up to get the ENTIRE “How to Keep Going course, completely free! (You can also do that by clicking here.)
– “A life raft for families who are struggling to stay afloat.” That’s what Janine Halloran, LMHC, author of Coping Skills for Kids and Coping Skills for Teens recently said about my We Turned Out Okay Playbook. That is high praise indeed! Check out the Playbook for yourself by going to weturnedoutokay.com/playbook. You can subscribe for the October issue on that page, too!
I was so thrilled when I received the following testimonial:
“The Ninja Parenting Community is one of the best uses of my energy and time.”
A longtime NPC member, who I will call “Shannon,” shared this testimonial with me. I was touched and honored!
But I had to give that complement right back to her.
After all, she is the one committing the energy and the time.
Probably just like you, Shannon – Mom to a four-year-old – has too much on her plate, a spirited child who can sometimes overwhelm her, and a lot on her mind these days.
Here is a recent post of hers:
“We keep running into him making an unsafe choice and then refusing to leave that room/leave that thing alone which means I have haul him hitting and kicking and hitting and screaming away from it and generally lock a door to keep him from getting back into that room/accessing that item or he keeps charging right back into the unsafe situation or charging at and attacking me if I blocking him from the item/situation. It’s so hard!” Continue reading “A case study about handling epic tantrums”→
This is the latest – and final – installment in my summer-long series, taking you on my journey of recovering from overwhelm and burnout and learning ways to sustainably keep going. Click here for the first installment, “Feeling guilty,”and click here for the most recent in the series, “One thing I cannot live without.”
First of all, how are you today?
I hope you are hanging in there!
I’ve spent the summer thinking deeply on the work that I do.
Welcome to this second installation of Basics Bootcamp!
I tell some truths today that we need to hear and recognize, if we are going to raise a happy family and feel good inside ourselves.
Just like the title says, I do dive into my biggest and deepest fears about the pressures put on you, as you raise your kids.
I say things today that scare the bejabbers out of me!
But I know they need to be said.
As a child development expert, I’m the one who has to say them.
I also share something positive: my biggest hope.
It’s a buckwild episode for buckwild times… Let’s dive in!
PS lots of links today!
Get your whole first month in the Ninja Parenting Community, my online private coaching practice, for FREE by going to: weturnedoutokay.com/joinNPC
We’ve moved to an every-other-week format, and each episode I am highlighting a great episode from the past!
Today, I offer my conversation with Jonathan Fields, founder of The Good Life Project from December 2016. It’s maybe even more relevant today than when we originally recorded. weturnedoutokay.com/125
Welcome! In this episode I share a recent case study from my online private coaching practice, the Ninja Parenting Community (NPC), where the mom of a four-year-old was dealing with extreme temper tantrums, and fearful that her son would never learn to obey the rules. Even the ones for safety.
She struggled to see how good boundaries could improve that situation – until they did.
Here’s something I have learned during the coronavirus pandemic:
Understanding how to do the most basic things, like getting a child to obey you, is even more important now than ever. And yet the basics are elusive during the pandemic.
Today we dive into using a super basic thing, good boundaries, to get your child to obey you.
Also I share about what’s happening with the We Turned Out Okay Podcast… changes are coming, ones that will make the creation of the show sustainable for your host : )
It’s interesting, because good boundaries also come into play in talking about the changes to the show.
Our choices right now seem extremely limited, don’t they? We don’t have a choice in how the coronavirus spreads, we don’t have a lot of choices in how our children’s childcare and schooling works right now. For many of us even our own ability to be private, to have alone time, doesn’t feel like it’s under our control.
Today’s guest, Mariela Ortiz, helps us to a different mindset: she talks about “a daily practice of choice.”
Some things are in our control; we can make meaningful choices.
Listen to today’s conversation to figure out how to do that!
Notes and Links
Mariela invited me to be one of the experts in her Mommy Matters Summit, such an honor! And we have a GREAT conversation, which you can watch by signing up for the Summit at the link below. It started Monday, August 3 and will go through August 27, 2020, with a new guest expert each day!
Sign up to get 25 days’ worth of guests – including me – in your inbox by going to: mommymatterssummit.com
Get your FREE August 2020 inaugural issue of the We Turned Out Okay Playbook
I’m excited to share the start of something fun and helpful, the We Turned Out Okay Playbook! It’s a monthly publication I’m creating to help you feel like you have some power, and some good choices to make, even in the midst of all the insanity.
You can download the August 2020 PDF completely free! Go to: weturnedoutokay.com/playbook
Weekly “How is Karen overcoming burnout and exhaustion” Newsletter Series Continues
For the last seven weeks I have shared a newsletter each week about how I’m overcoming burnout and exhaustion, in this time where being a parent is so tough.
Last week I wrote about the part that music plays in my self-care (click here to read about that.)
Get the next newsletters in this series by going to: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly
I’ve been working on the We Turned Out Okay Playbook now for many months, and Issue 1/August 2020 is finally out! [Enrollment for Issue 1 wraps up on 8/1/2020… Enrollment for Issue 2/September 2020 begins mid-August : ]
Go to weturnedoutokay.com/playbook for more information and to subscribe…
Also, there is a music component to the Playbook that I describe more in depth in today’s newsletter. So read on for that : )
This is the latest in my summer-long series, taking you on my journey of recovering from overwhelm and burnout and learning ways to sustainably keep going. Click here for the first installment, “Feeling guilty,” and click here for last week’s update, “What is in our control?”
SENSITIVE EARS ALERT… Part way through this episode I share about a traumatic event that happened to me in my childhood. I ask that you put on headphones, or listen away from sensitive ears. Thank you!
Today I share three keys to success, when parenting in a pandemic or any crisis.
They are not difficult keys. Because if they were, we wouldn’t be able to do them as consistently as they need doing…
Instead, the first key is relaxing, the second key is enjoyable, and the the third key takes something negative and frames it to be positive.
Also: the day before I recorded this episode I had a total brainwave.
I connected up my superpower – helping people feel seen and cared for – to the reason I have this gift, and have had ever since I can remember.
It’s not a pretty reason.
When I was seven years old I was sexually abused, in my own home, with my mom right upstairs. (She was completely unaware, and I would be a senior in college before she discovered the extent of the trauma. In my first book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, I share about what my folks did that was helpful, even though they had no idea what had happened to me.)
After the incident, my whole personality changed. I felt lost, anxious every time we drove out of my ken in the car, and convinced that if I lost sight of my family, they had deserted me.
The day before recording this episode I had the following brainwave:
My superpower comes from the fact that no one gave me the care that I needed, no one came to my rescue on that day. No one had found me when I was lost.
So, I had to learn to do that for myself.
I had to take care of little Karen, because no one else was there to do that.
And it’s left me with a unique ability, that I’ve been practicing ever since: to make people feel seen, and cared for.
It’s become the defining value of my life.
So if you’re feeling lost, or as if no one cares about you, let me be that person for you.
As a child development expert, I’ve never yet met a parent who didn’t have some concerns for their children.
If you’re feeling like everything is impossible right now – lockdown, mask etiquette, school-at-at home, chaos in one corner and fire in another – I can help.