338: When they don’t want to wear clothes; square one with sharing; talking about death with kids; when they push each other’s buttons just for fun – it’s a Q&A today!

My brothers and I : )

Today we’re answering your GREAT questions!
– “[My young daughter] is going through a phase of not wanting clothes on. Do I just not battle it? What’s appropriate at 4? How do I instill the importance of being careful without taking away her sweet innocence? Or am I totally overthinking this?”

– “This week’s hot topic is sharing and temper around that. The minute [my three-year-old’s] little brother walks in the room (even if he hasn’t messed with her stuff yet) she goes right to screaming at him and throwing stuff… I’m struggling with getting her to react in a bit calmer way.
“Understandably, she is having a lot of trouble letting other kids play with any of her toys. I get it, we haven’t had to share in a long time. I’m just wondering if there are some good strategies or advice for starting back at square one was sharing, and also talking nicely to others even when angry.”

– “My four-year-old was playing with her toys saying “this one is dead, it’s in the dead place” (inside the toy garage) then when I needed a shower “Mummy you need to go to the shower and be dead”… How can I talk about death at an appropriate level for children?”

– “They don’t stop fighting with each other – they push each other’s buttons just for “the fun of it.”

(I said they were great questions : )

If You’re Struggling to Keep Going
During this summer I’m using my newsletter to share about my own journey, trying to find peace and stop feeling so guilty while working, running our household, and keeping going sustainably.
Last week I shared about my first step (stopping “obsessively checking” on the Internet, and (as I share in this episode) it’s going well!
But I know I’ve got a long way to go… If you want to come along on this journey with me, I’m sharing about it in my newsletters. Click the link below to get them automagically delivered to your inbox!
Weturnedoutokay.com weekly

Tons of links today!
You’ll find them just below : ) Continue reading “338: When they don’t want to wear clothes; square one with sharing; talking about death with kids; when they push each other’s buttons just for fun – it’s a Q&A today!”

330: What should kids be learning during the pandemic?

FYI if you want some company, some learning, and some stories, join the WTOO Book Club! During our first meeting I am sharing about a truly low point in my own parenting, and asking the question “how do we come back from crummy parenting moments? Join us Wednesday, May 13 at 9 PM EST – click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly to get the link to the meeting! Hope to see you there : )

I am so excited to bring you this conversation today, which will be so helpful as these weeks of confinement and social distancing spool out…
Today I get to share my conversation with Terry Louison. Terry is an educator, a self-directed learner, and the program director for Baystate Learning Center (morethanjustaschool.com) – the school my son goes to!

During our conversation you will learn:
– What’s most important for kids to be learning right now, during the pandemic
– Why that learning doesn’t have to be stressful, for you or your child
– Concrete ideas taken from Terry’s own curriculum and plans for virtual teaching

Join us!

Terry’s presentation is one of many from OkayCon 2020, the Free Virtual Summit I recently wrapped up! Go to weturnedoutokay.com/OkayCon2020 for all the presentations!

Also: go to weturnedoutokay.com/330 to watch Terry’s video presentation.

Hope you are staying well and safe during the pandemic.
We will get through it together <3 Continue reading “330: What should kids be learning during the pandemic?”

What is working for parents right now? (Also weekly goals and how they are helping me in the pandemic)

Happy Monday!

Read about Day 9 of OkayCon 2020 just below – first

In case you’re struggling to keep track of what day of the week it is… Today and every Monday while we are all spending so much more time at home and out of our normal routine I’m sharing something that always keeps me on track: my weekly intentions.

Each week I determine what I’m going to focus on on a Monday, and then on Friday I look back at how I did.

And during the pandemic I’m bringing you in on that process!

Here’s what I focused on last week:

1. To do strength training twice.
I gritted my teeth through every moment, but I did it! Strength training times two.
And as predicted it did make everything else easier… Stronger muscles mean fewer aches and pains, better endurance, and so much else. So I’m pleased that I did it!

2. To feel healthy enough in my arms and hands to do some knitting.
This one makes my heart sing, I was able to knit 3 times this week!
(Probably because I did the strength training twice lol)

3. To celebrate even the smallest of victories.
This was a week with some backsliding in terms of feeling in control of my food intake. What got me through it? Celebrating the small victories, like the day when I chose fruit as a sweet finish to a meal, rather than something with (lots) more calories.

Plus it was fun to celebrate successes with the members of our Ninja Parenting Community! (Members click here to read all the latest success stories – and click the link below for this week’s “Happy-in-Place” module:
https://weturnedoutokay.com/forums/topic/week-2-a-simple-way-to-start-fixing-what-is-bothering-you-most/)

If you’re not yet a member, click here to find out about the Friends & Family membership rate that I’m offering for a limited time.

This week’s goals:
Continue reading “What is working for parents right now? (Also weekly goals and how they are helping me in the pandemic)”

“What kids are learning” for Day 7 of OkayCon 2020! (Plus super helpful Weekly Intentions : )

Happy Monday!

Read about Day 7 of OkayCon 2020 just below – first

In case you’re struggling to keep track of what day of the week it is… Today and every Monday while we are all spending so much more time at home and out of our normal routine I’m sharing something that always keeps me on track: my weekly intentions.

Each week I determine what I’m going to focus on on a Monday, and then on Friday I look back at how I did.
And during the pandemic I’m bringing you in on that process!

Here’s what I focused on last week:

1. To take 4 walks.
– Check! I did this : )
2. To celebrate my birthday.
It really was a great birthday, with a social-distance walk with some of my closest friends, a birthday cake made for me by Ben and our youngest, and an absolutely awesome kick off to the NPC challenge! (More on that just below : )
3. To kick off the “Happy – (Not-Just-Sheltering) – in Place” NPC challenge.
NPC members, I am humbled by your spirit and all that you’re doing to help your children through this time.
Click the link below for the wonderful kickoff of this challenge:
https://weturnedoutokay.com/forums/topic/happy-not-just-sheltering-in-place-npc-live-call-for-4-16-20/
(Fairly early on in the call we get to hear my parents sing me Happy Birthday… At first I was embarrassed, but it was super cute : )

If you’re not yet a member, click here to find out about the Friends & Family membership rate that I’m offering for a limited time.

This week’s goals: Continue reading ““What kids are learning” for Day 7 of OkayCon 2020! (Plus super helpful Weekly Intentions : )”

Emergency surgery for our son

Hi Friends,
if you could direct some of your positive energy up our way here in Massachusetts, it would be much appreciated.

Our son has been in the hospital since Monday, and in 24 hours between yesterday and today, will have undergone three procedures (only one of which was a surgery, but all of which involve anesthesia and scopes.)

The third will be late this morning. And we are hopeful that it will once and for all solve the problem he is experiencing.

This newsletter was supposed to be about something else entirely, and I hope to bring you that newsletter over the weekend.
But in the meantime please keep us in your thoughts if you would.

Here are some positives from the last few days that I would like to share: Continue reading “Emergency surgery for our son”

Resiliency is about more than barfing

Hail and well met!

I can say that now, but over the weekend there was much barfing in our home.
We’ve been traveling, and visiting family and skiing in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado.
And despite our best efforts, we brought home the most unbelievable bug from the plane!

I spent Friday in the ER, I’ve got one teen who is still in bed today, and poor Ben – who didn’t even travel with us – is also still recovering.

As we are all in various stages of recovery it’s got me thinking on how much easier it is for kids to recover.

And how much less they care about being sick. They just don’t seem to have the same dread of it as we grown-ups do.

I’ve seen this extend out into other kinds of recovery as well, and I got permission from my now-18-year-old to tell the story of the leg surgery he needed when he was just five years old.

I used to think of Max as my little baby Roo,

if you remember the small kangaroo from the Winnie the Pooh series. (His mom was “Kanga,” and I always loved their names.)

He had the cutest little gallop!
Max always ran with the right foot in front, from the time he started running. Which he did fairly late, he didn’t walk until he was well over a year old. And when he did, he fell. A lot.

It didn’t slow him down at all. We’d just see him galloping along and then all of a sudden – boom! – he’d be down. And then up, and off once more.

We didn’t view his little gallop as anything unusual, but his grandmother, a retired orthopedic nurse, most certainly did. Her concerns led us eventually to a wonderful doctor at Children’s Hospital Boston, who patiently showed us how the bones in his right foot were being deformed, and how a surgery would be necessary to fix that.

Max had always been a sensitive boy. He couldn’t tolerate the feel of denim, preferring sweatshirt material against his skin. He couldn’t tolerate loud noises (unless he himself was making them :-), and he always has possessed a heightened sense of atmosphere. If somebody’s upset or worried, he would instantly know that and translate it into something he himself had done, even if that wasn’t the case.

I worried, how will he get through something like a surgery? He’s so small. How would he withstand the pain – and it would be a very painful recovery, involving the reconstruction of his Achilles tendon.

The doctor heard my concerns and reassured me: “you won’t believe how quickly he will be up and about. The one thing I ask, the day he forgets his crutches, don’t let him actually run in the cast. Try to keep his activity to a dull roar.”

He said all this with a wonderful twinkle in his eye. Clearly a guy who has spoken with concerned parents like me before, and who has seen their children shine post-op.

But still I worried.

I shouldn’t have. Max came through the surgery with flying colors. He understood and used the pain scale, appropriately telling us when he needed pain relief medicine.

There was definitely some barf though!

Children’s Hospital has this policy, where patients can order any food they want off a menu, at any time they feel like it.

Max ordered Froot Loops, and bacon, at least twice each over the forty-eight hours he spent in the hospital.

He ate nothing else! And, we got him home and settled on the couch with the quilt I made him a few years previously, his favorite stuffed animals and comic books around him…

He brought back up all the Froot Loops and all the bacon!

That was the end of cereal enjoyment for him. He still likes bacon though… Somehow that survived LOL

Joking aside, all through his recovery I was amazed at Max’s resilience.

First with the pain scale, then with adapting to a cast (for the first 3 months) and then a walking boot for the next 3 or so months.

I couldn’t believe it when, one night as he brushed his teeth about two weeks out from surgery, the doctor’s prediction came true – he forgot his crutches! Just left them in the bathroom.

Minutes later we found him, cast and all, jumping on his bed.

As he recovered he took on all the physical therapy that was asked of him. He submitted to massage, to keep the tissue from scarring. He learned exercises and stretches, and cheerfully did everything his physical therapist asked of him.

He was recovering right before my eyes!

I saw my child in a new light.

And that’s why I wanted to share the story with you.
I want you to see your child in a new light. Maybe you’ve never had the fear of watching your child go through a surgery.
But just like every kid throws up at some point – and recovers – so does every kid take those hard knocks of childhood.

Being misunderstood. Getting feelings hurt. Feeling frustrated, or worried, or sad… These are all things children feel.

Maybe one of the best ways we parents can help them through it is to express our understanding for what they’re going through. And to tell them how proud we are of them.

“This is a really tough thing you’ve just come through! I’m proud of you.”
How glad would you be to hear this sometimes?

I know how glad I was to hear it from my husband today, as we commiserated over these last many days of illness and sadness and barf.

Barfing is a part of life.

Thank heavens, so is resiliency.

What’s up on the podcast this week:

What’s your go-to approach for getting work done?

Do you view something difficult as an exciting challenge, or a way to prove to yourself and others – once again – how crummy you are at difficult stuff?

Today, we look at how our own mindset impacts our children’s eventual success.

Take a listen, and I hope you enjoy the show this week!

Click the link below to listen:
https://weturnedoutokay.com/271

What’s up on my YouTube channel this week:

Extending on this theme, the live YouTube (I do one every Thursday) is called
“What is a good mindset for learning? How to get my child the best educational mindset”
Check out my YouTube channel by clicking here.

What’s up in the We Turned Out Okay Facebook group this week:

Each Monday at 10:30 a.m. EST, I do a superquick Facebook live that I call “Magic Words for Parents”… And this week’s was all about how to foster a growth mindset. I shared a quick phrase to help you do exactly that!
This, and all the back episodes of Magic Words for Parents are available 24/7 in the We Turned Out Okay Facebook group, so  click here to view or (if you haven’t yet) join!

Wishing you a wonderful parenting week,
Cheers!
Karen of https://weturnedoutokay.com

PS Good news! I am accepting people once more into our private community for parents!

Recently parents in our community have been getting help with:

  • A 4-year-old’s very disrespectful behavior
  • An overwhelming and insensitive parent-teacher conference
  • An “aggression journal” kept by one 3-year-old’s daycare teachers (!)

Whatever your struggle, come and be part of our supportive, caring and above all helpful group!
Click here to read more about working with me and what it can mean for you.

 

Get blog posts just like this delivered to your inbox each Wednesday by joining the We Turned Out Okay email group…
Click here to join!

Podcast Episode 198: Two Key Tactics for Handling Tough Times – a Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Happy Thanksgiving!

At first glance this may seem a peculiar episode for Thanksgiving Day… parenting through tough times? While for many people holidays are a wonderful time, for some they’re difficult.

Dealing with family members who disagree with your politics; protecting your kids from cheek-pinching, insult-comic-style aged relatives; feeling like you have to justify your life choices – these and more can make it pretty tough.

Today’s parent ninja tactics are going to be awesome for your Thanksgiving table if any of the above is coming into play for you… But they’re even better, even more important to keep in mind, if you are going through some kind of a crisis.

Like a friend of mine, who is going through a tough time – and who asked me to do an episode on how best to handle parenting through crisis.

So whether you are dealing with something momentous in your life, or you are just concerned about how to make it through the day without smacking somebody, this one is for you!

Need more help than I can offer with the podcast?
I’m opening up the Streamline Your Whole Life 21-Day Challenge, which gives you a quick win every day for three whole weeks!

Make your evenings less chaotic, build better relationships with your child’s caregivers, and feel happier within yourself – and work closely with me for a whole month – when you join.
Click here for details and to sign up for the Streamline Your Whole Life 21-Day Challenge!

Key links at weturnedoutokay.com/198. Happy listening!

Key Links:

Join the private WTOO Facebook group, for weekly Facebook lives and more! Click here!

Click here to check out We Turned Out Okay’s brand-new How-to Videos menu tab, to learn about how to help your kids eat more fruits and vegetables, how to help them learn to read, and more!

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I help parents solve their toughest challenges every day.

If you love the show, please rate and review us in Apple Podcasts… That’s how so many people find us. Click here to rate/review, and thanks so much!