Podcast Episode 171: When Your Kids Only Want Snacks – A Listener Q&A for this Your Child Explained episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

We’re sticking with the food theme this week, today addressing listener Tim’s concerns about kids and food:

“Why are my toddlers not eating fruits/vegetables? Why are they only eating snacks (cereal, popcorn, Lunchables, grrrrrr)?”

In March of 2016 I made the whole month about food – how to handle picky eaters, how to prepare food without going bankrupt or spending hours in the kitchen – I even created a Guide to Food and Family, with recipes and food hacks, which you’ll find in the sidebar at weturnedoutokay.com!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/171 to listen and to read about my responses to Tim’s questions (and thank you, Tim, for asking : ) Continue reading “Podcast Episode 171: When Your Kids Only Want Snacks – A Listener Q&A for this Your Child Explained episode”

Podcast Episode 165: When Kids Want the Same Stuff Again and Again (and Again…) – A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Why do kids want everything repeated, again and again?

One member of the Ninja Parenting Community might be channeling your thoughts right now: “Oh why do little kids obsess over certain movies? I have been putting Monsters Versus Aliens on every day for a month. What is going on those little brains that makes them demand the same movie so often for so long?”

Kids do this all the time… and not just with movies, they do it with books, and stories, and music, too.

In this Your Child Explained, we dig into why, exactly what’s happening in “those little brains” that makes them want everything repeated endlessly.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/165 for key links and show notes! Continue reading “Podcast Episode 165: When Kids Want the Same Stuff Again and Again (and Again…) – A Your Child Explained Episode”

Podcast Episode 162: When Praise Is Harmful to Children – A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Do you tell your kids how beautiful they are, or how smart they are? This past Tuesday’s conversation with Nicole Gardner reminded me once more how dangerous praise – at least the wrong kind of praise – is.

Read the show notes for today’s episode, about how to make sure you’re giving the right kind of praise (and not the harmful kind of praise) by clicking the link below…

You’ll also find an installment of my new YouTube video series, Parents Time-Out, that addresses this issue as well – if you’ve only got a few minutes, but you want to understand how praise can hurt, the video is the place to start.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/162 to check it out, and have a great day! Continue reading “Podcast Episode 162: When Praise Is Harmful to Children – A Your Child Explained Episode”

Podcast Episode 159: A New Ninja Tactic for this Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

It’s been a busy few weeks in the Ninja Parenting Community – I counted twenty different issues that parents in there are collectively dealing with – and I knew that, if they’re having these issues, most likely so are you!

Lots of them are bigger issues – but some of them can be resolved so easily. In today’s episode, I talk about one of the latter, and how simply by changing one phrase to a related, but different phrase makes disciplining our kids lots easier.

The reason has to do with child development, and the simple fact that kids aren’t just small adults; they have a completely different way of understanding the world from us. Once we know that, it makes everything else easier.

To find out more about today’s ninja tactic, listen to this short-and-sweet episode, or go to weturnedoutokay.com/159 for show notes and key links!

Continue reading “Podcast Episode 159: A New Ninja Tactic for this Your Child Explained Episode”

Podcast Episode 156: Letting Kids Experience “Natural Consequences” – A Parent-Coaching Call for Today’s Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, we’re bringing you another great parent-coaching call with one of our Ninja Parenting Community members!

Like many children, Sabrina’s youngest daughter struggles with the family’s morning routine. She likes to be independent, she doesn’t like “to be told,” and oftentimes she is not hungry for breakfast before school.

Sabrina brings up a whole host of issues having to do with routine, following the rules, and the natural consequences of a child’s actions.

If you’re experiencing any concerns in any of those areas – and with kids, who isn’t? – you’re going to love today’s episode!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/156 for the show notes and key links in today’s episode, including the link to a book Sabrina has found helpful, It’s Okay Not to Share.

Continue reading “Podcast Episode 156: Letting Kids Experience “Natural Consequences” – A Parent-Coaching Call for Today’s Your Child Explained Episode”

153: Handling Kids’ Bad Language: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, a listener question about kids and bad language:

“My four-year-old has picked up some bad language from other kids in her class. How should I deal with being called “dog face”!!

This can seem like a puzzle to which we parents just don’t have the answer. If you’re feeling like that, listen in! In today’s episode I share how to prepare for when your child throws something like this that you – and how to handle it in the moment.

For full show notes, including an easy-to-remember plan in answer to listener Nicola’s full question, and the button to download my How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide, go to weturnedoutokay.com/153!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Nicola asks:
“My four-year-old has picked up some bad language from other kids in her class. How should I deal with being called “dog face”!! I’m sure it can get worse as they get older but I didn’t expect it to start so soon. We’ve talked to her about why we use kind language etc. and even put her in her room to calm down when she uses it. A friend suggested that I follow the French tradition where “kids” are allowed their own special low-key swearword – it’s a thing, everyone in the country knows this word?! I’ve suggested my four-year-old can use a phrase/word if she is frustrated, maybe go to her room and yelled into her pillow etc… hmmmm.

“Any help much appreciated!”

I have SO much sympathy!
Today, I outline steps to take so you’re prepared for this kind of kid-thing:

1) Don’t take it personally.
– Our children oftentimes want to run these words past parents to see what we’ll do: will we shout? Will we do the same thing as the teacher in school did, or that other kids did when someone said this?

2) Model calm.
– If we give them an angry tirade, or punish harshly, we’re giving them attention for bad behavior. Our goal is to give them attention only for good behavior, minimize our attention to the bad.

Let me just say – I know how hard this is! Simple in theory, tough in practice. Hang in there.

3) Model what you WANT to see and hear.
– The younger the child, the simpler your language needs to be:
“We don’t say words like that in our family.”
“I don’t say that to you, I don’t expect you to say that to me.”

4) Redirect.
– Actively change the conversation:
“Now, it’s time to get your shoes on.”
“Do you want your yellow shirt or your green shirt today?”

I hope that helps, Nicola, and you if you are in Nicola’s position!

Questions or comments? Click here to ask or share : )

Key Links:
We dig into episode 150, about how our belief in the fundamental goodness – or not – of the universe affects our children’s world view. Click here to listen to that Your Child Explained.

150: How We Shape Our Kids’ Worldview: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

We’re going big-picture today, talking about Einstein’s idea that “the most important question facing humanity is, “is the universe a friendly place?”

Our answer to this question shapes how our children will answer this question; if we feel surrounded by enemies, so will our sons and daughters. Is that what we really want for them?

Or, do we want our children to feel themselves surrounded by friends?

For full show notes – and to sign up for next week’s free, online, interactive class, Common Parenting Challenges and How to Handle Each, go to weturnedoutokay.com/150!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Here is Einstein’s full quote:
“I think the most important question facing humanity is, “is the universe a friendly place?” This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves.
“For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.
“If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially “playing dice with the universe,” and we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.
“But if we decide that the universe is a friendly place, and we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives.
“God does not play dice with the universe.”

It’s really not fair, is it, that we don’t find out until after they are born how much our behavior shapes and determines our kids’ lives.

Fair or not – it’s the way life is.

So we parents really need to decide: friendly, or unfriendly?

I choose friendly. How about you?

Click here to let me know what you think!

Key Links:

Sometimes podcasting takes you to places you weren’t anticipating, and today is no exception! Click here to check out The Big Dark, Rodman Philbrick’s masterpiece with this Einstein question firmly at its core.

 

147: THE Key to Being Happier At Home: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Back in episode 140, parenting author KJ Dell’Antonia gave us many more great ideas than could be digested in one conversation… So for the first time in We Turned Out Okay history she’s got 3 Your Child Explained episodes all to herself!

In our conversation KJ commented: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

Today: the one thing you can do in your parenting that makes everything else either easier or unnecessary! (Can you tell I’ve been reading The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan?)

Click weturnedoutokay.com/147 to to listen, to sign up for tonight’s (Thursday, March 30, 2017, 8 PM EST) live, free NPC FAQ Q&A (at which you can grab a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, my e-book that helps you handle everything your little kids can throw at you) AND to sign up for the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class coming up in April!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

And/Or:  Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

 

I start today’s show off by remembering KJ’s comment: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

So, what’s the key, one thing we parents can do to ensure more happiness in our parenting, with our children, and in our homes?

It’s (drumroll, please…) Follow-through.

Every time we’re inconsistent we make life with children tougher and more of a struggle – on both them and us.

Kids need our consistency to feel safe, and to trust that the limits we set up will be there the next time they push on those limits. And the next time… And the next time.

So if we, as KJ mentions, “stop nagging and just do it ourselves,” we’ve set a limit – and then failed to keep that limit in place.

Today’s conversation focuses a little bit on the 4 C’s of leadership (which I’ve amended to the 5 C’s).

Originally a business world concept, I have found that the C’s of leadership, whether 4 or 5, make a huge difference in how parents view their roles at home. Kids need a strong leader (or two), and when we realize that and step into that role, everything gets easier.

Key Links:

Here is my conversation with KJ in episode 140; click here for episode 141, the first Your Child Explained referencing our conversation, and here for the second KJ-based YCE, episode 144.

For more on the 5 C’s of leadership and how they can be used in family life, check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help parents navigate the minefield that is modern parenting. Check it out there – but then, to get it for FREE, come to tonight’s NPC FAQ Q&A! Click the button above to sign up, and bring your questions : )

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

144: Homework Troubles – How to Help When Your Young Child Struggles With Homework, A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this page and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

A few weeks ago, in episode 140, guest KJ Dell’Antonia dropped so many knowledge bombs that I knew we’d need more than one Your Child Explained to really comprehend them all.

Here’s part 2 of 3 – all about homework and how to intervene when your child can’t take anymore!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/144 for show notes, links to last fall’s homework episode and conversation with the president of the American Academy of Pediatrics – and to sign up for the free, live NPC FAQ Q&A I’m hosting Thursday night, March 30 at 8 PM EST (where you can grab your free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book that helps you handle every challenge your kids throw at you!)

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

KJ shared some great advice advice about intervening on behalf of your child.

She suggests “going in with your observations… and a question.”

Today we talk about making those observations – and what the question should be.

– The observations must take place over time, a day or two of your child having a meltdown over homework won’t be enough. KJ recommends getting the meltdowns on video if possible, so your child’s teacher understands what’s really going on at home about homework.

– The question must be some version of “how can we work together to solve this problem?”

Sometimes the teacher-parent relationship can seem very adversarial. If you want to help your child through her homework struggles, you need to find a way to work together with the teacher.

Questions or comments about today’s episode? Drop me a line at weturnedoutokay.com/contact!

Key Links:

Listen to my conversation with KJ Dell’Antonia, episode 140, by clicking here.

Click here to listen to episode 106: Join the Homework Revolt!

Click here to listen to episode 107, my conversation with American Academy of Pediatrics President Dr. Benard Dreyer.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

141: Use This Ninja Tactic to Cut Down on Your Child’s Bad Behavior – A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

During Tuesday’s guest conversation, mom and author KJ Dell’Antonia shared the results of a pretty big (1000-person) survey of parents she commissioned as research for her upcoming book.

The thing that parents worry about most?
“Discipline,” KJ shares.

Discipline enters into many aspects of our parenting lives.

It’s firmness in enforcing rules; consistency in keeping routines established; being good models for our children.

During our conversation, I share a lesson taught to me long ago, in my first years of teaching, about “not moving our kids’ walls.”

KJ was so taken with this idea that she quotes me in her blog this week!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/141 to listen, and to read about how moving our children’s walls creates the bad behavior we really don’t want to see.

Today’s show is brought to you by the We Turned Out Okay free guide to Handling Every Temper Tantrum:

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Moving our kids’ walls is another way of expressing the importance of consistency.

(And consistency is… One aspect of discipline. We’re back to that again, my friend.)

Here’s what KJ wrote in her Week 3 Chore Challenge blog post about moving walls:

I was a guest on Karen Lock Kolp’s “We Turned Out Okay” podcast today, and she said something very insightful (which she attributed to an older teacher who was part of her teacher training earlier in life):

“If you tell a child you expect them to do something, like put away the blocks every time he’s used them, then that’s sort of a room you’ve created in his brain, where things work a certain way, where there are certain walls. Then if some of the time, you let him leave the blocks without putting them away, you’re moving the walls. And nobody likes it when the walls move.”

When we’re inconsistent, when we keep changing the rules (or enforcing them only sometimes) – were moving our children’s walls.

It’s very scary for them when their walls move.

When children are scared, they will react in any number of ways: with tantrums, whining, tears… In short, behavior that we don’t want to see. In shorter, bad behavior.

That’s why this idea of not moving their walls is so important.

I love it because it starts with us; our consistency – or lack of – is what really matters here.

Of course, that’s why I also hate it; it puts the responsibility squarely on me to be consistent!

If that can happen at least most of the time, believe me, it will be enough.

Key Links:

Click here to read KJ’s Chore Challenge blog post.

Click here to join her chore challenge!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child. Not moving our kids’ walls comes up in here – because it’s a great ninja tactic! Read my book to learn more about this one, and many other ninja tactics that will help you in your parenting every single day.

138: A Method to Avoid While Potty Training – Answering A Listener Question in this Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

I’ve been really wanting to do a show on potty training, but I’ve held back for a few reasons: one biggie is that I just haven’t found a great book on the subject, and another is that my experience potty training my oldest was really tough!

But recently I heard from listener Erika, who had this to say:
“I have to have the most stubborn child on the planet and have tried everything I can think of. Rewards, candy, bribes, consequences, charts, toys, reverse psychology. I am out of ideas and at my wits end.”

Erika goes on to say that her son has twice been completely potty trained – and has regressed. She’s very worried because he will start kindergarten in the fall and she’s concerned about the social aspects of that, harassment by other kids, etc.…

Very similar, in fact, to how I was feeling when my oldest was totally not into potty training!

And so today we take on possibly one of the biggest, scariest subjects in all of parenting young children…

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/138 for show notes and to listen to this episode!

Today’s show is brought to you by the We Turned Out Okay free guide to Handling Every Temper Tantrum:

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

 

I told Erika that, instead of having a book to recommend (as I usually do when somebody has a question for me), for her I have one to avoid: Toilet Training in Less Than One Day, a book which I tried to use when training my oldest – it was an epic fail.

I tried so hard to follow all the directions in this book, and I had really high expectations for training; the end of that “one day” found my then-three-year-old running around upstairs, underwear-and diaper-free – and me in the basement, waiting for his underwear to be dry, in tears and being talked off the ledge by a best buddy on the phone!

That night, as I was returning the book to the library, I got the best advice I’d had yet:
“don’t worry about the potty training.”

We’re really lucky in our library to have several beloved librarians, and this advice came from one of my favorites, mom to several adult children. She told me: “little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems. Don’t worry about the potty training.”

Somehow that took a ton of stress off my shoulders! She assured me that my three-year-old would (eventually) be potty trained, and in fact it took quite a while longer for him. But he was fully trained by the time he went to kindergarten – as predicted by the librarian, and Erika, that is the advice I have for you today.

– Don’t stress. You rightly share that you know he has to at least have some motivation; remember that piece of knowledge as you work with him to get trained before kindergarten.
– Lots of kids have accidents, even in kindergarten; even if this happens to your son and even if he is made fun of, he will be okay… In listening to this episode you’ll hear me sharing about what it finally took to get me to willingly wash my face – at age 9! (Hint: it was peer pressure and not my folks : )

I hope this Your Child Explained helps!

135: How and Why to “be a better example for” your kids: A Your Child Explained Episode

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, February 2, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

Welcome!

To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Remember a few weeks ago, when I got emotional about talking to myself in the mirror every night? (Listen to that episode, We Turned Out Okay’s second annual goal-setting episode, by clicking here.)
If you struggle with self-acceptance and self-forgiveness – and if you also want to be a better example for your child – click this link to listen to today’s episode! You can read the full text of listener Eri’s question about how her struggle with self-acceptance could negatively impact her 14-month-old daughter – as well as watch my new favorite YouTube video in which a preschool-age girl stands on her bathroom vanity and cheerfully shouts affirmations for herself in the mirror – and sign up for tonight’s live FAQ about the Ninja Parenting Community by clicking this link:
The idea of confronting ourselves in the mirror each day is really resonating (in fact I’m planning a Just You and Me episode on this, so stay tuned) – but many people struggle with the idea of thinking positively about themselves at all.
Today’s Your Child Explained episode addresses this very issue – while answering listener Eri’s question:
“Like many people, I’m very hard on myself and I know things would be better if I could be more accepting and forgiving. I also think that this attitude would be a better example for my little girl. Self-acceptance seems to be so difficult for women and girls in our culture… It’s definitely something I think about in regards to my 14-month-old daughter as I look toward her future.
“I listened to [episode 130] last night, and was really touched by your candor and depth of feeling. I’ve heard of affirmations before and I admit to dismissing them as “not for me.” Well, after listening to you, I’d like to give it a try.
“How do I start?”

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

If you like what you hear on We Turned Out Okay, but you feel like it’s not quite enough…
If you want more personal help and advice from me…
The Ninja Parenting Community is the place for you to get that help!

– We’ve got classes, like Sanity With Kids, to help you simultaneously raise your children and retain your sanity
– Parent-Coaching calls: one “starter” call for monthly members and one each quarter for annual members
– Forums where I personally help and advise members – and where we all support each other

Now is the perfect time to join, because you get beta pricing and it’s really built out to help you most.
This coming Friday the cost will double when we leave beta, so click this link to see what it’s all about!

Want a closer look PLUS a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help you handle everything your child can throw at you?

Come to the live NPC FAQ Q&A!
This coming Thursday night, February 2, at 8 PM EST you can:
look inside the community
listen as I address lots of frequently asked questions
ask your questions!

And just for showing up at the Q&A you’ll receive a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics! Up until now the book has only been available in Amazon – get it for free at the Q&A : )

To sign up for the NPC FAQ Q&A – and for notes to today’s show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/135!

132: How to Go to Bat for Your Child – a Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s show asks the question: how can I help you go to bat for your child?

It’s easier to think about standing up for our children that it is, oftentimes, for us to stand up for ourselves.

But sometimes – especially when an authority figure like a doctor or a teacher is doing the pushing – it can be hard to know how to stand up for our children.

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Are you raising little kids and feeling overwhelmed?

Could you use some accountability and support?

Join us inside our membership community to get access to:
– courses, like the one I just finished up, called Sanity With Kids, helping you stay sane while simultaneously raising children
– live, members-only calls
– direct feedback on how to get through your toughest challenges
– the support of a community where were all working to worry less and enjoy more while raising kids!

We leave beta very soon, because the community is really built out now with course offerings and great forums, so get in before the price goes up!

Click this link or go to weturnedoutokay.com/ninja-parenting-community-login to get all the details –

Click weturnedoutokay.com/132 for lots of links, and enjoy today’s show!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:

Click here for episode 131, my re-broadcasted conversation with dad and acupuncturist Steve Mirando.

Here is my instagram, @weturnedoutokay

On twitter I am @StoneAgeTechie

The We Turned Out Okay Facebook page is located here.

Click here to check out the book I wrote for you, if you’re looking for some concrete hacks to employ during the every day tough stuff of parenting.

129: What to do when your boy says “that’s for girls” or vice versa – a Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

In our first Your Child Explained episode of the new year, listener Jennifer asks:

“When my boys says, “that’s for boys” or “girls can’t do that,” is there more I could do than simply replying “you know, girls can do everything boys can do…”

The short answer: yes, there is lots more we can do to foster the gender identities of our sons and daughters.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/129 for show notes and key links from this episode!

Also – are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

First, we need to try and understand where our kids are coming from.
It’s really confusing for little kids, who don’t identify as a boy or a girl based on what their body parts look like; their best understanding of their own gender identity comes from how they – and their friends – dress and what they play with.

Understanding this as parents is our first step to helping our kids understand themselves and where they fit in the world.

Second: recognize that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Were not going to change our children’s gender attitudes in one day, or one season, or even (probably) one year.

We’re just trying to share some different perspectives with them, and be open to further discussion over gender issues…

We’re especially working hard to hear and address our kids’ questions.

Key Links:

Speaking of questions, what are yours? Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to ask!

123: Helping Sabrina Manage Overwhelm and Expectations: A Your Child Explained Episode

Sabrina's daughters visiting Santa.
Sabrina’s daughters visiting Santa.

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, Ninja Parenting Community member Sabrina shares about the concerns she’s having right now: how to manage her children’s expectations, everyone’s feelings of overwhelm – and balancing her own needs with the needs of her family.

Recorded in early December, Sabrina has both a daughter’s birthday coming up as well as the busy and overwhelming-in-and-of-itself holiday season.

Sabrina got to have this conversation with me because she is a member of our Ninja Parenting Community.
If you want my help sorting out your toughest parenting issues, you should join too!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/123 for show notes and key links!

In our forums, Sabrina recently wrote:

“I’d like to know about how to set expectations with kids. It was great traveling last year because we could keep presents to a minimum. I’d much prefer giving them an experience, or donating to kids in need, than buying lots of presents. I realize though, that seeing lots of presents under a tree is part of what makes Christmas magical for kids. Amy’s birthday is the week before Christmas, so we have a double whammy!”

During our call, this caring mom shared about a feeling that many of us experience at this time of year: how to balance our wants and needs with those of our kids and the rest of our family.

Specifically, for several years now Sabrina has sacrificed her ideals of how to decorate for Christmas, giving in to what her two young girls want.

It may not seem like a big deal on its face. But during the whole Christmas season, Sabrina’s every day visual and kinesthetic needs are not being met!

We talk about how to bring that up within her family, and also about how to make family time during this season emphasize quality time, how the traditions that Sabrina’s family has built up over the years truly make this season a great one for raising children.

 

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:

Sabrina’s book, Hannah and Amy Go to Peru, is the first in her series about the year that Sabrina and her family traveled the world. Click here to check out the book in Amazon!

120: Helping Kids Be Givers: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

There are so many great reasons to help our kids give, no matter their age. Today we dig into not just why but how to help even very young children become “givers.”

For many years now, my two boys set aside just a little bit of money each month – an idea given to us by the mom of a friend of theirs. This particular mom also happens to be a midwife, and Max and Jay are helping fund her trip to Haiti, to train midwives and deliver babies, contributing nearly 200 dollars with this little bit of money each month!

There were tears in this mom’s eyes when I handed over their donation; that is the power of giving.

But it doesn’t just have to be about money. Small kids can contribute in several other ways – listen to this episode for some other ideas to help you help your child become a giver.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/120 for full show notes – including links to tutorials for making no-sew fleece blankets and doggie beds out of old sweatshirts – and key links for this episode!

If money is short, what about time?

Simply bringing young children to visit the inhabitants of a nursing home brings so much joy to those who live there.

Through the co-op that my youngest belongs to, we’ve learned of 2 other interesting, low key ways that young children can give:

1) make easy, cozy, security-providing fleece blankets for kids, and then contribute them to Project Linus, an organization that gets blankets into the hands of small kids who are in the grip of an emergency

2) make dog beds out of sweatshirts, and donate them to a local pet shelter

I know that it’s so easy to think about giving right around Thanksgiving, but my hope is that the ideas in this episode will help you make your child a giver all through the year.

I just want to say how grateful I am to you for listening! If you’re reading these words, and they’re helping you with some aspect of raising your kids, I want you to know how grateful I am – both because you’re here, and because I can help you.

I wish you and those that you love a wonderful Thanksgiving!

118: How to Help Kids Cope With Anxiety Over New Situations – A Your Child Explained Episode

person-1627709_640Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

When Ninja Parenting Community member Melissa shared about the anxiety that her kids can feel in new situations – as well as that she herself experiences this anxiety – I knew this was going to be a great Your Child Explained episode.

Who among us has not felt anxiety in new situations? It’s so easy for kids to feed off of our worries.

I hope you learn lots as Melissa opens up about the toughest parts of the family’s day, feeling overwhelmed, and lots more that you will totally identify with – I know I did.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/118 for my recommendations and key links!

With so much going on in this busy household, Melissa wishes for time together as a family to practice mindfulness (a great tool for bringing peace into a crazy day, and also for just feeling better).

But, how best to do that?

I suggest that Melissa use a whiteboard, a calendar, or even just a simple piece of paper to get control of the family’s time by writing down who has to be where, and when.

Incorporating mindfulness into dinner, perhaps by inviting everyone to share something they are grateful for, or something good that happened that day, also comes up.

The great thing about these suggestions is they don’t take a tremendous amount of time – but they do save a family’s time and sanity, because there’s a central schedule and also the opportunity to recognize what’s good in our lives.

Key Links:

Click here to listen to my conversation with Andre Nguyen, in which he teaches us how to take great family photos with our iPhones! During our conversation today, Melissa shares that Andre’s episode was the first she ever heard, back during the summer of 2015.

Want to alleviate your own anxiety? Check out the Ninja Parenting Community! We’ll be in beta for a little bit longer, which means that you can have a parent coaching call just like Melissa’s. I can help you with your toughest parenting problems, and you get to belong to a vibrant community… It’s a win-win! Click here to check it out.

114: How Your Family’s Schedule Makes or Breaks Your Time Together – A Your Child Explained Episode

agenda-1616853_640Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom and hit the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy the show!

This past Tuesday, my conversation with mom and broadcast journalist Cheryl Tan ranged among many important topics, including how to talk to our kids about current events and tough stuff, and how to feel better about this election. (Go to weturnedoutokay.com/113 for my conversation with Cheryl.)

One aspect of our talk resonated with me as a great subject to dive into in a Your Child Explained episode: a family schedule that works for everybody.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/114 for notes from this episode on why creating a great family schedule is so important, and for key links!

In our conversation Tuesday, Cheryl explains her family schedule like this:
– 2:15 AM: wake up, go to work while husband runs the morning at home
– 3 PM: get kids off the bus, attend to homework/dinner/sports
– 8:15 PM: get everybody to bed, including herself

That may not work for everyone. (It sure wouldn’t work here in the Kolp home!)

But the important thing is: it works for Cheryl, her husband, and their three sons.

The key thing when putting together a schedule for our families is to try and keep consistent mealtimes, awake times, and sleep times.

Notice: I’m not advocating for a rigid schedule, one that has no room for flexibility. I think that kind of schedule would be the death of us all!

But trying to keep more or less consistent is definitely a goal to shoot for.

Looking at it from inside our kids’ heads, they like consistency because they know what to expect; in fact, when we parents are fairly consistent, it serves to help the kids when we have to go out of routine.

So, what does your schedule look like? Please share!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact, and let me know!

Key Links:

Click here for my conversation with Cheryl Tan, from Tuesday, October 25, 2016.

108: How Our Parenting Style Affects Our Kids: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome!
To hear today’s episode, scroll to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

About episode 108:

During my recent conversation with American Academy of Pediatrics president Dr. Benard Dreyer, about the key role that parents play in preventing their kids from getting something scary called toxic stress, different parenting styles came up.

Today, in this Your Child Explained episode where we are always figuring out what’s going on inside our kids heads, we take a closer look at the different parenting styles and what each looks like from our children’s perspective. We also dig into the idea of grit, why it’s important and how our kids can get it.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/108 to read more about the three different parenting styles and the promotion of grit, view a great TED talk, and to listen to today’s episode!

In the child-development biz, we think of 3 kinds of parenting:
– authoritarian, where we parents demand obedience but without a lot of support for our kids
– permissive, where we support our kids in everything but fail to provide structure through high expectations and discipline
– authoritative (often called “wise”), where we combine the best aspects of authoritarian and permissive parenting

Guess which of those three we are aiming for?
Yep, we want to be wise parents, giving our kids tons of support – and combining that with high expectations, reasoned discipline (no hitting!), and structure.

Today, we carry the idea of wise parenting one step further by talking about mom and researcher Angela Duckworth’s amazing book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.

Way back in episode two, called Foster True Grit and recorded more than a year before I’d ever heard of Angela Duckworth, I share about how to figure out what motivates your child to work hard at something (listen by going to weturnedoutokay.com/002).

Grit, the book, shares Duckworth’s extensive research and insights into the characteristics of people who finish what they start, who stick with something despite adversity.

This is definitely a quality we want in our kids!

Looking through our children’s eyes, we parents can help them have grit, Duckworth writes, in a really cool way:

By possessing grit ourselves.

By following through, not giving up, powering through setbacks – and doing this in front of our kids. When kids see us being gritty, they emulate that.

Isn’t that cool?

Key Links:

Listen to Tuesday’s guest episode with American Academy of Pediatrics president, Dr. Benard Dreyer, by clicking weturnedoutokay.com/107.

Learn how true grit helped my Max become a snowboarder – and how it can help your child – by clicking weturnedoutokay.com/002.

Click here to check out Angela Duckworth’s book, Grit.

105: When Screaming is Your Child’s First Reaction – A Your Child Explained Episode

Today, Ninja Parenting Community member Sabrina Rizk – the very same Sabrina from Tuesday’s guest interview #104 – gets help solving a problem that plagues many parents: when your child’s first reaction to something negative is to scream.

When I asked Sabrina what aspect of parenting she wanted our parent-coaching call to be about, she said “I want to talk about how to get my six-year-old to have different strategies beside screaming as her first response.”

Young Amy struggles when her cereal bowl isn’t the color she wanted; when the Lucky Charms don’t have enough charms; when Sabrina needs her to complete a chore before watching a show…

I’m sure you know the deal and have struggled through this in your own home. I know I have!

Listen in as Sabrina and I figure out how to alleviate the screaming – and read about some of the solutions we come up with – by going to weturnedoutokay.com/105!

We discuss several potential solutions to this pervasive problem, including:

1) Working hard to not react with anger or a raised voice when our child directs his or her raised voice at us

2) Deliberately lowering our voices as we get angry; often our kids will quiet down because they want to hear what we are saying, plus this tactic helps us remain calm

3) React with sympathy when natural consequences, such as “there’s not enough charms in my Lucky Charms,” occur; this way, we stand united with our child against this upsetting thing rather than being the object of their anger

Because Sabrina is a Ninja Parenting Community member, not only did we get to have this parent-coaching call but I’ll get to help her with follow-up questions in our community forums!

Click here to learn how to become a member, so I can help you with your biggest parenting struggles too!

085: Baby Blues, Kid Style – A Your Child Explained Episode

Today, I answer the second of two questions asked a few weeks ago by listener Suzanna; I answered Suzanna’s first question in a special bonus episode last Thursday about road-and-parking-lot safety with small children, which you can hear by clicking here.

Suzanna’s second question seems somewhat thornier, and will be familiar to anyone with more than one child (or who was more than one child growing up). She writes that she is concerned about “how to deal with the acting out the comes with the new baby in the family: hitting, potty training regression etc. So much is on how to physically intervene with hitting, but with an infant in arms this is often impossible.”

Click this link or go to weturnedoutokay.com/085 to read my response to Suzanna, and also for key links from today’s episode!

To answer Suzanna’s question, I drew off a few sources: the first is something that worked for my Mom, advice given her by our pediatrician when my younger brother stood at our youngest brother’s crib saying “I hate you… I wish you would go back where you came from.” Our pediatrician understood that my middle brother was hoping to be viewed as at least as important as the baby, and advised our Mom to, sometimes and not for a terribly long time, leave the baby in a safe place and focus on our middle brother. Finish out their game, or conversation, and know that the baby would be fine while she was hanging with our middle brother.

Secondly, I tapped into the mindset of the book Siblings Without Rivalry, my bible for raising young children and one that I hope you will run, not walk, to your nearest library or Internet book-buying spot and grab.
Adele Faber and Eileen Mazlish, the authors of this wonderful book, have a real knack for getting to the heart of what’s causing the sibling rivalry; they often focus on understanding where each child is coming from, or in this case where the jealousy around the new baby is coming from.
– With potty training regression, that might be coming from a desire to gain your attention by acting like a baby (I share here that I totally regressed when my younger brother came along… TMI? I hope not 🙂
– With the hitting, small kids can feel jealousy and just not know what to do with it; it’s important that we parents make sure our kids know that we love them for who they, themselves, are. There’s plenty of room for all our children in our hearts, and kids can understand that, so long as they know that they have an immovable place therein.

I recommend a wonderful book, On Mother’s Lap, about a little boy who is feeling somewhat jealous of his baby sister, and how their mom resolves this situation.
Not gonna lie: I got all emotional in today’s’s episode remembering this book. It’s wonderful, and there’s a link to it below if you cannot find it at your library.

Suzanna and all you other awesome moms and dads, I hope these responses help you in your parenting!

Key Links
If you haven’t had a chance, check out Tuesday’s conversation with Elizabeth Miller, caregiver extraordinaire and the woman who helps us understand how and why to take care of ourselves first, by going to weturnedoutokay.com/084 or clicking here.

Find Siblings Without Rivalry in Amazon here.

Listen to the podcast episode I did on that great book, called When Siblings Attack, by going to weturnedoutokay.com/007 or clicking here.

Find On Mother’s Lap in Amazon here.

If you’re looking for a boost of support that’s a level beyond what I can offer with We Turned Out Okay, check out the Ninja Parenting Community!

BONUS: How to Foster Your Kids’ Street Smarts – a Your Child Explained Q&A

Recently listener Suzanna got in touch with two great questions – so I decided to split the answers into today’s bonus Your Child Explained and next week’s regularly scheduled one.

Today I answer Suzanna’s first question: how can we keep our kids safe on roadways and in parking lots and other public places, while also giving them some independence?

My answer is twofold – click here to listen, read the show notes, and for key links talked about in today’s episode!

Suzanna writes: “I want to hear about how to deal with real safety issues: being on tricycles or scooters near streets and how to let kids be independent but also safely stopping before getting to the corner, etc. How to help kids understand the real safety “No”.

The way I see it, there are two important components to keeping kids safe in these situations:
– First: practice.
The more practice we can give kids in safely checking for cars before crossing the street, walking instead of running in a parking lot, and other situations they give so many of us parents nightmares, the less likely they are to get hurt.
I suggest a park or unpopulated street to practice on at first, and also playing that wonderful and fun game Red Light, Green Light to get them started. Then, gradually work up to giving a little more independence as you feel safe doing so.

– Second: Cultivate a special, loud voice that you only use in a dangerous situation.
We all yell sometimes, and need to forgive ourselves, myself included. But if we can keep shouting to a minimum, and then really only use that top volume when we see a kid running after a ball or if one of them gets away from you in a parking lot, it could save a kid’s life.

Suzanna, I hope that helps!

Key Links:
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community by clicking here. This is an online community I’ve been building, almost ready to open its doors! If you need an extra boost of support with your parenting, this is the place for you. I hope to see you in there!

082: Helping Marla Streamline Busy Mornings with Six-Year-Old Gracie: A Your Child Explained Episode

20160502_174044_resizedDo you wish your mornings could be a little bit less stressful? It can be really hard to get out the door with young kids, and that was Marla’s situation with her kindergartner, Gracie.

Recently Marla wrote with the following questions: “how can I pull her out of the “I will not and you can’t make me!” mindset and nudge her back into “if I do this we can all have a good time” mindset? When she has her battle armor on, she will argue with me about everything… she will sometimes yell and sometimes I yell. I try to get to her level and talk about it, but sometimes I’m not sure what to say. We just need to get ready to go. You know?”

For Marla, the situation is a little bit more complicated as Gracie has Down Syndrome. But I was so happy that we could record our coaching call – EVERY young child gets that battle armor sometimes!

Today I’m thrilled to bring you my parent coaching call with Marla. Like you, she is a parent who loves her child fiercely and and yet also struggles with the day-to-day issues that every child can bring up. When I checked in with Marla recently she had really great news about streamlining their busy mornings, and you’ll hear about that towards the end of this episode.

Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/082 to check out Marla’s beautiful schedule board, created for Gracie based on the advice I was able to share, and also for key links to today’s episode!

Like so much else in life, the struggles that Gracie was having in the morning felt to me like transition issues. When we say to our kids “it’s time for you to stop doing what you want to do… and come do what I want you to do” they often hate to be interrupted (as do we ourselves!) Well, when we must interrupt them and they have to come do what we need them to do, that’s a transition.

I suggested that Marla create a schedule board so that Gracie could see, in a very concrete way, what has already been accomplished, what’s coming next, and can feel a thrill at the idea of progressing along the schedule board.

Marla changed the language that she uses with Grace, incorporating positive goals and very small wins into each day. She writes: “I also have been trying harder to give her a positive goal like, “we need to get ready for school so you can go on the field trip today.” Or “we need to hurry and brush hair if you want to wear your sparkly shoes.” I’ve been trying to make it possible to offer one positive goal every morning, even if it is listening to a Lion King song in the car.”

Marla finishes her note: “mornings are going much smoother these days.”

When I read Marla’s email, saw the schedule board she made for Gracie – so beautiful, and so useful as well! – I had a smile on my face for the whole rest of the day.

The ability to help people like Marla, like you, is one of the true thrills in my life.

Behind the scenes here at We Turned Out Okay, I’ve been working hard on a way to more intensively help you, a way that I can get to know you and your situation personally and offer ideas, support, and advice especially for you.

Today I have a big announcement: the Ninja Parenting Community is opening soon, on or about June 20, 2016!

It’s a community for parents of young children, moms and dads who want more access to my knowledge of kids and how to keep them from driving you nuts; I’ll be in the forums nearly every day, answering questions and engaging with parents just like you.

But it is SO much more than that – it’s a place where parents can share resources, vent in the Parent Meltdown Corner and know that a virtual hug and some kind words are coming their way. Starting this summer, each month we will have a live call, so you can ask your questions and I can answer them, live and in person!

It’s also in beta right now, which means two great things for you:

1) when you join, it’s your ideas that make this community exactly what you want it to be – if there is a training or a class you want me to create around any aspect of parenting young children, just ask me in the forums and I will get working on it!

2) joining the Ninja Parenting Community is half the cost of what it will be in the future. Right now, a month of fun, support, and advice costs about the same as a couple of pizzas, and will remain that way as long as you’re a part of the community (even though future members will be paying a higher price.)

Click this link or go to weturnedoutokay.com/calm-cool-ninja-parent to learn more!

079: Why Teach Kids to Help Others? A Your Child Explained Episode

In this Your Child Explained episode, we consider what helping others looks like from inside our kid’s head!

This past Tuesday, I spoke with a mentor of mine, a man who shaped my thinking on how helping others makes us happier and builds a better world. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/078 to listen to my conversation with No Impact Man Colin Beavan.

Today, we riff on that conversation to discuss why it’s important to teach our kids to help others. Plus I get to read from one of my favorite books, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee!

Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com for key links and to listen.

Key Links:

Click here for Colin Beavan’s latest book, How to Be Alive, and click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/078 for our conversation.

Click here to read To Kill A Mockingbird.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to share about how your child is helping others (or to share your favorite part of To Kill A Mockingbird… or just to say hi 🙂