Are you, like lots of your fellow listeners, noticing a certain unhappiness creeping in to your daily life? A sense of insanity that you cannot escape from? Overwhelm at all the stuff you’ve got to do in pretty short amount of time, and getting shorter every day?
Then you should join the free 5-Day Handle the Holidays Challenge.
It starts tomorrow if you’re listening in real time – Monday, December 18 – and in today’s quickie bonus episode I share some reasons why listeners are joining…
I also share a little story about burnout, right here in my own life.
Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy this bonus episode!
It’s agonizing to watch your child go through the social stuff of life.
You know what I’m talking about:
When you spend your days stopping angry sibling fights, as if you were a boxing referee.
When one of them gets made fun of at school – or worse, bullied.
When they get broken up with by a friend.
When they have a crush on a fellow eight-year-old and say to you “who could love a face like this?”
If your heart breaks or you feel shellshocked when something like this happens, you are not alone.
I’m offering a new approach that gives you the power to support your child, set aside your inner demons, and be happier in your parenting.
It’s a new 6-week mastercourse, and it changes everything:
Space is Limited!! Sign up now to save your spot – LOTS of listeners struggle with the social stuff and spots will go fast!
The course starts this coming Tuesday, November 7…
And you can go to the course’s secret Facebook group immediately upon registering and paying!
– How to help your child navigate the social landscape
– Strategies for helping your child stand up to a bully, deal with sibling rivalry, and gain social confidence and competence
– Why your agony and heartbreak over your child’s struggles may be hurting him or her socially
– How to feel better within yourself while helping your child feel better
Come get started on this new approach right away – Sign up now!
Welcome – to listen to this episode, please scroll down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Thanks for listening, and I hope this one helps <3
Sexually abused at age 7, I consider myself not a victim, but a survivor.
In today’s bonus episode, brought on by the #MeToo movement, I share the most important tool in my healing – and the conviction that, if you or a loved one has been sexually abused or harassed, there is help and hope for a good life (even a great one).
Back in the early 90s, when I was a preschool teacher, I worked with two 4-year-old best friends, “Stacy,” who had lovely chocolate brown skin and eyes, and “Kim,” who had blonde hair and blue eyes.
One day, as these two best buddies waited together in line for the bathroom, Kim innocently looked up at me and said: “I don’t like black people.”
I was speechless – she’s holding the hand of her best friend, who IS a black person, telling me how she doesn’t like black people… It just did not compute.
Until I realized that she did not think of Stacy as a black person; Stacy was her best friend.
She did not know who “black people” were. When she said those words she was parroting the adults in her life.
Metaphorically, I threw up my hands. I felt terrible, but I just did not know what to do. Should I talk to Kim’s parents? Should I talk to Stacy’s parents? Should I try to persuade Kim that she shouldn’t feel that way about black people?
In the end I did nothing, I said nothing. While I spoke of this with my fellow preschool teachers, I never took it any further than that.
But it stayed with me all these years (Kim and Stacy are now in their 20s.)
Maybe you watched just a few days ago with horror as a white supremacists plowed his car into a peaceful protest, killing one and injuring many – and terrifying all.
Maybe you wondered what kind of a world you’re raising a child in.
Maybe you threw up your hands and said “what can I possibly do about this?”
You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late/
Before you are six or seven or eight/
To hate all the people your relatives hate/
You’ve got to be carefully taught!
I was thinking about you, and about how you maybe feel like throwing up your hands and shouting “what can I possibly do about this?”
And I was thinking about Stacy, wondering how many times in her twenty-something years she’s gotten the message from our society that somehow, just because of the way she looks, she is wrong, or bad, or “other.”
And, I was thinking about a We Turned Out Okay listener, named Kerri, who wrote back in May (when We Turned out Okay turned two) with a question:
“I would like to know as a white person what I need to do to be sure my children are not contributing to the racism that is hurting so many.”
I recorded this episode to give us – myself, as much as anyone – a roadmap, some steps to take to build a world in which racism has no part.
Four steps, to be exact; four steps we can take to build a world without racism.
Four steps to help you counter the fear and negativity, four steps to help you help your child understand what racism is, and why it needs to die.
Along the way I talk about a whole bunch of stuff, like a favorite Dr. Seuss book, wise words from several friends of the podcast, and child development theory to help you understand your child better.
Click here to read about the four steps to a world without racism and to get links to the people and podcasts and books I reference during the episode – and thank you very much for listening, for not throwing up your hands and concluding there’s nothing you can do.
Each week I send out a “what’s on the podcast this week” email to people who signed up for a free guide or a free online class – and this week, I screwed up royally about an episode of We Turned Out Okay!
I wrote the email update for this past week well before I recorded the episode that went up this past Thursday, and as a result what I said would be this week’s Your Child Explained episode wasn’t.
If you received the email and you were scratching your head about it, I’m so sorry!
I recorded this bonus episode to make it up to you…
In it, I answer two issues, both brought up by a member of the Ninja Parenting Community (it had been a pretty rough couple of weeks for this member, making me so glad she had us to turn to):
1) “Part of the challenge I’m having is with exaggerated statements like “writing kills me” or “you always make me do this.”
2) “Later there was a meltdown about wanting Daddy, instead of Mommy.”
I address both issues in this bonus episode, I hope it’s helpful!
PS – Want to get on my email list yourself? Go to weturnedoutokay.com and click the image link in the sidebar (you’ll know which one : )
Note (2/13/17) : The Friendly Mirror 10-day Challenge is currently closed to new participants.
Stay tuned, because soon the Challenge will be open again!
As a podcaster who helps you advocate better for your young children, I meet and hear from an awful lot of you who are… Unhappy. Stuck. Sinking under all your worries and fears for your children – and awfully hard on yourselves.
In January I did two episodes about goal-setting and affirmations, and I shared about one particular life-changing exercise I’ve done every night for more than a year: speaking to myself in the mirror.
That idea resonated with a lot of you – but you had a hard time imagining how to begin, or even believing you could really speak to yourself in your own mirror.
So I’ve created a free, 10-Day challenge… I called it The Friendly Mirror because I do hope that, by the end of the challenge, you’ll be doing this exercise too.
Maybe you think that self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are fine for other people, but not for you (I know I used to feel this way.)
I work with a lot of moms and dads who struggle with this – and the struggle 100% affects their parenting, and thus their kids.
If you need a kick in the pants – or a guide into the world of not scowling in the mirror – then sign up for my free Friendly Mirror 10-day challenge!
The Challenge will be conducted via video modules and a live interactive training session; specifically, each day for 10 days you’ll get the latest video module, sometimes with a mini-assignment to complete if you choose. We’ll wrap up with a live training session to answer your questions and work on keeping our great momentum going…
Welcome! To listen to today’s show, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!
I’m cranking up the mic for two reasons today:
1) listening back to episode 123, where Ninja Parenting Community member Sabrina shared her concerns about holiday overwhelm and helping her girls handle gift-giving, I wanted to create something to help you if you’re facing those same problems…
So, I did! Download the FREE 3 Principles of Kids and Gifts if you want help:
– cutting through the gift giving insanity and overwhelm
– finding solutions that work for your whole family – including you.
– Truly enjoying celebrations, with less stress
Click this link to download them today and make the most of the season!
2) an article I read in the paper today, two Saturdays before Christmas eve, really got me thinking about a problem unique to the family gatherings we will all be attending this year. The article reads in part:
“But some non-Trump voters are not yet in a place where they can joke.
That includes [a Dad who shall remain nameless, because he represents a great many people listening today] and his family. This year they will not go to his wife’s great aunt’s Christmas gathering, in large part for fear of an argument breaking out in front of their 6-year-old daughter.
“She doesn’t understand why people like this person, said [this Dad], referring to Trump, “and to explain to her that people in her own family like this person – it would be a lot for her to process.”
– “Can The Holidays Be Happy?” The Boston Globe, Saturday, December 10th, 2016
In the wake of that article, I’m wondering: how are you?
Are you worrying about attending family gatherings this year, when it all feels so contentious?
I really hope this episode helps you, if that’s the case. Click here to get the full show notes and key links!
Here are several points to ponder as you make your decision about going to these gatherings, or bringing your kids:
– first of all, there may not even be any arguments.
I’m a worrier myself, and I’ve worked hard to surmount the idea of worrying about something that has a not even happened yet.
Today I’m asking you to do the same – don’t avoid holiday parties due to a fear of arguments breaking out.
Instead, handle them as they happen, because they may not even happen!
– if there are arguments:
1) Model respectful disagreement for your son or daughter.
Walk away from someone who’s pushing you toward an argument, do not engage. And while you’re not engaging, continue to treat that person respectfully.
2) Know that your child need not be involved in the argument.
Please shelter kids from adult concerns; they do not need to know the political affiliations of all your relatives.
3) Put yourself into the shoes of your disagreeing relatives.
Ask yourself: why might they feel that way? What fears do they have that they go to bed with every night that cause them to vote in such an opposite way from you?
If their views are truly anathema to you – you’re a firm believer in sparkly holiday sweaters while they favor Aran cable-knit fisherman’s sweaters, and no amount of persuasive discussion will change that crazyballs idea – feel free to avoid them (while treating them with respect!)
But more likely, it’s not that cut-and-dried.
More likely, they go to bed with the same worries and fears for their kids and our world as you do.
If you feel like that’s the case, in my experience that makes you a little less far apart on whatever spectrum you’re considering, political or religious, organic versus not organic, paleo versus vegetarian, decaf versus hi-test.
I always end up realizing, when I try to view the world through someone else’s shoes, that we are closer than I originally thought.
I hope you feel the same, and that this episode helps you stress a little bit less over the holidays!
Key Links: Here is the Boston Globe article that started me thinking about extra stresses on families during this particular holiday season.
Are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!