Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom and hit the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy the show!
This past Tuesday, my conversation with mom and broadcast journalist Cheryl Tan ranged among many important topics, including how to talk to our kids about current events and tough stuff, and how to feel better about this election. (Go to weturnedoutokay.com/113 for my conversation with Cheryl.)
One aspect of our talk resonated with me as a great subject to dive into in a Your Child Explained episode: a family schedule that works for everybody.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/114 for notes from this episode on why creating a great family schedule is so important, and for key links!
In our conversation Tuesday, Cheryl explains her family schedule like this:
– 2:15 AM: wake up, go to work while husband runs the morning at home
– 3 PM: get kids off the bus, attend to homework/dinner/sports
– 8:15 PM: get everybody to bed, including herself
That may not work for everyone. (It sure wouldn’t work here in the Kolp home!)
But the important thing is: it works for Cheryl, her husband, and their three sons.
The key thing when putting together a schedule for our families is to try and keep consistent mealtimes, awake times, and sleep times.
Notice: I’m not advocating for a rigid schedule, one that has no room for flexibility. I think that kind of schedule would be the death of us all!
But trying to keep more or less consistent is definitely a goal to shoot for.
Looking at it from inside our kids’ heads, they like consistency because they know what to expect; in fact, when we parents are fairly consistent, it serves to help the kids when we have to go out of routine.
So, what does your schedule look like? Please share!
Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy the show!
I knew I wanted to speak with a journalist regarding next month’s presidential election, so I was thrilled when today’s guest, veteran TV reporter/anchor Cheryl Tan, agreed to come on the show!
Cheryl has appeared on CNN and Fox News, and currently hosts her own entrepreneurial TV show, Hampton Roads Business Weekly, the Standout podcast, and teaches entrepreneurs how to connect with journalists in her online community, PR Pro.
Speaking with Cheryl helped me realize that “the mainstream media” – feared by some, considered distant by others – is made up of real people. They are sons and daughters, moms and dads, brothers and sisters, and like Cheryl they want to tell people’s stories.
In today’s episode Cheryl shares about the crazy schedule-juggling that two married journalists go through while raising three boys, how to talk to kids about current events, and Cheryl shares advice that she’s not sure you’ll love, but nevertheless is her best idea for parents of young children…
Here is Cheryl’s favorite schedule from when their kids were younger and she and her husband, both journalists, had to figure out how to raise kids and work at the same time:
– 2:15 AM: wake up, go to work while husband runs the morning at home
– 3 PM: get kids off the bus, attend to homework/dinner/sports
– 8:15 PM: get everybody to bed, including herself
That’s six hours of sleep, not too bad in terms of maintaining your sanity while raising young kids!
Cheryl liked that schedule so much because everybody got what they needed: work time, family time, and time for sleep.
Having spent so long in the news-media industry, Cheryl sees real importance in helping young children understand, in an age-appropriate way, what is happening around them.
Kids absorb vibes naturally, and if they’re feeling anxiety in the air and not understanding it, they’re very unsettled kids indeed…
Cheryl recommends speaking to them, answering questions, helping them feel safe.
In this part of our conversation I get to share about a day when my oldest, Max, came home upset from kindergarten, where there was some conversation about a recent shooting.
Through our conversation, Max was able to find a few solutions to help him feel safe – while it was hard for me to talk about a shooting with my little guy, I’m glad I did. It was what he needed.
Towards the end of our conversation, Cheryl shares her best piece of advice for parents of young children, adding that she is not sure that you will love it:
ENJOY this time with them. They will not be little forever!
Key Links:
Click here to check out Cheryl’s awesome podcast, Standout.
Go to CherylTanmedia.com/contact to share comments with her or ask any questions.
The Ninja Parenting Community – the online community I built for you, if you’re struggling with some aspect of raising your young children, is still in beta!
That’s good news for you, if:
– you want my expert advice on how to help your child navigate these first years of school, how to have a less anxious child, or how to keep sane while raising kids
– you want to be part of a community of supportive parents of young children
– you want access to the Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics expansion pack, my course which digs deeper into every chapter of my book by the same name
– you want to pay less, and get more out of your membership
Click here to read more about the Ninja Parenting Community. I hope to see you soon in the forums!
Welcome! To listen to this bonus episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy!
Here are the top 2 reasons to listen to today’s episode:
1) With all the fear in the air right now, you might benefit from a story about becoming fearless – so, here it is!
I told this hilarious and inspiring story last week, about becoming fearless while sitting in front of my mom’s sewing machine as a young woman, and it took second place in the Massmouth Story Slam competition! I’m semifinals bound, and super excited : )
(My 4 1/2-minute story is, shall we say, not expletive-free… Grab some headphones or listen away from your kids. I hope you enjoy it!)
2) Speaking of fear, according to this article last week at Vox.com, 55% of voters were “disgusted” with the campaign… back in September.
I’m betting that that number has gone up a bit as this election has changed from PG to R-rated.
And if we are that freaked out – how are our kids?
When our fear and upset level goes up, so does theirs.
You can make both you and your kids feel better by coming to my FREE online class tonight:
How to Parent Young Children in this Mixed-up, Crazy World
I’ll teach you how to:
– Coach your kids through the election insanity
– Help them feel less anxious
– Lessen your own anxiety
You can make “Everybody Sucks 2016” a little better for yourself and your kids –
Welcome!
To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and press the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy!
According to this article last week at Vox.com, 55% of voters were “disgusted” with the campaign… back in September.
I’m betting that that number has gone up a bit as this election has changed from PG to R-rated.
And if we are that freaked out – how are our kids?
When our fear and upset level goes up, so does theirs.
You can make both you and your kids feel better by coming to my FREE online class:
How to Parent Young Children in this Mixed-up, Crazy World
I’ll teach you how to:
– Coach your kids through the election insanity
– Help them feel less anxious
– Lessen your own anxiety
You can make “Everybody Sucks 2016” a little better for yourself and your kids –
Go to weturnedoutokay.com and sign up for the October 20 (this coming Thursday) class!
I can help you help your kids through the election craziness, Thursday October 20 at 7 PM Eastern standard Time.
See you in class!
About this episode:
We are not immune to anxiety. In a contentious election cycle like the one we’re in now, with the days getting shorter, the holidays looming…
No wonder so many of us are losing sleep and stress-eating!
Today I’m thinking about a saying that has come up for me a lot in the years since I first started confronting my chronic illness:
“The antidote to anxiety is action.” – Elven Semrad
In this episode, we talk about one kind of action to avoid – and two kinds of actions you can take every day to reduce your anxiety.
When my wonderful psychologist, without whom I would probably not actually be alive today, shared Elven Semrad’s words with me, they resonated so strongly.
If anxiety is fear for the future, then the antidote places us firmly in the now – taking some kind of action.
My psychologist did caution me against one kind of action, however:
DO NOT ATTEMPT to numb anxiety with alcohol or drugs.
Taking these negative actions makes everything worse, and I would caution you – just as he cautioned me – to avoid the hell out of things that numb our emotions.
If you’re tempted to reply, as so many of us are, “this anxiety hurts!”, then allow me to present to you the actions you CAN take as the antidote to that hurt.
Here they are – the 2 kinds of actions you can take to alleviate your anxiety:
1) address the small everyday issues right in front of you, one at a time.
– Feeling cooped up? Take a short walk.
– You’ve got a list as long as your arm of doctors appointments to make, car oil-changes to schedule, accommodations to figure out for people arriving for Thanksgiving? Choose the MOST CRITICAL of these, and cross it off your list now.
– If it feels too big, break the task down until you have a series of steps, the first of which you can accomplish right now.
– Your home is cluttered and messy and disorganized? Choose one tiny piece of it to declutter and organize; when that tiny piece is done, move on to the next tiny piece.
2) strike back at the negativity in the air, the toxic vibes around you.
– Though it may seem counterintuitive, striking back at this negativity is best done by taking care of YOU.
– Sleep, exercise, good – at least, decent – nutrition, forgiving yourself when you screw up (notice I said “when,” because we screw up all the time and it so tempting to beat ourselves up about that); this is how we strike back.
And if you’re tempted to say now “but my anxiety is too large to be brought down by anything,” I’d like to share about what these two kinds of actions have done for me:
Action 1: in the winter of 2012, the muscles in my right leg had wasted away to the point where, the day I started aquatic physical therapy, I literally had to push my leg to make it go backwards in the pool.
I didn’t have enough strength in the leg itself to take one single step backwards in the shallow end, never mind keep myself afloat!
But I kept getting in that damn pool.
I addressed this “everyday” issue several times a week, and after a couple months not only could my leg move itself backwards in the pool, it withstood my body weight on land.
I’ll never, ever forget the feeling of placing all my weight on that leg for the first time since summer of 2011. It was awesome.
Action 2: I hate the scary vibe in the air right now. In past election cycles, usually by mid October, when this episode airs, I am a complete wreck. This is because I’ve stayed up super-late each night, scanning the Internet and fretting and worrying about the election itself. Along with limited sleep comes the urge to consume entire bottles of Nutella, so no surprise that my jeans would stop fitting by election day.
But I’m working extra hard to take care of me this year.
My primary goals are:
– get at least seven hours of sleep each night
– walk or strengthen my muscles every other day
– to help you feel better, to alleviate your anxiety by sharing with you what’s worked for me
And I really am noticing far less of a reaction to the atmospheric anxiety!
I’m wishing you the same, during this episode and every episode this fall with my “Everybody Sucks 2016” series.
Key Links:
Listen to part 1 of the Modern Parent’s Guides to Surviving This Election Cycle by clicking here.
If you struggle in the tough moments with your young child, you might find Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help you keep your cool in the face of all the Jedi mind tricks little kids are capable of, to be helpful.
Click this link to check the book out in Amazon, read the introduction for free, and decide if it’s right for you!
Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!
About this episode:
I start out today by speaking a little bit more about homework for young kids and the remarks that American Academy of Pediatrics president Dr. Benard Dreyer made regarding this in episode 107.
After hearing episode 106 (the homework backlash episode), a mom got in touch with me to share about the heaps of homework her first grader receives each night, and the fact that three missed homework assignments earns this six-year-old after school detention.
After school detention! For a six-year-old!
I really hope that listening to Dr. Dreyer’s words on homework is helpful for everyone, but especially for those of you whose kids are stuck in a really crummy homework situation.
This past Tuesday in episode 110, my guest, former assistant secretary of Homeland Security and creator of book and podcast Security Mom, Juliette Kayyem, shared many great ideas for helping us feel safer amidst the contentious election and toxic fall vibes.
Today I expand on her comment that if we are calm, our kids will be calm as well – but if we freak out, they’ll freak out too.
We look at security through our kids’ eyes, discussing why they react that way and figuring out how to alleviate their anxieties.
Click weturnedoutokay.com/111 for notes, a hilarious and wonderful – and, I promise, relevant to today’s show – YouTube clip of the Muppets, and to listen!
Did you ever watch the Muppets as a kid?
If you had the experience, as I have, of watching a Muppet skit both as a child and then, years later, as an adult, you may understand exactly why the show is perfect for both adults and kids.
As a kid, I watched for the silliness without really understanding a lot of the grown-up language, and I laughed because of the antics and the inscrutability of the words.
As an adult, I’m laughing because I understand the words and the irony of using big words on the kids show.
On today’s episode, I make the case that anxiety is just like that – except that what we produce in our kids is fear, not hilarity.
Kids don’t understand what is going on when an adult is freaking out at something they see on TV; they know only that their trusted adult is freaking out.
We must work hard to alleviate our own anxiety so kids don’t absorb that vibe.
How do you do that? Please share – go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact and let me know how you are communicating calm instead of anxiety to your young child!
Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy!
About today’s show:
If you are nervous about the sense of unrest in the air, about the upcoming contentious election, about the threats of violence from all quarters; if you’re feeling a little powerless as to how to protect your home and family in the midst of the toxic vibes, you are going to LOVE this show.
Beloved children’s television host Fred Rogers famously said: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
For more than fifteen years, my guest today has been one of those helpers –
In her role as assistant secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Juliette Kayyem figured out how every day people could help during the 2010 BP oil spill; she advised then-Governor Deval Patrick in her position as Massachusetts’ first Homeland Security advisor.
She’s an expert in disaster preparation, she’s been keeping people informed since before 9/11 as on-air security analyst for CNN. More recently she’s started connecting home and family with homeland security through her podcast and best-selling book, Security Mom.
We commiserate over breast versus bottle, drop a few S-bombs (because as in parenthood, when you are in homeland security, shit happens), and Juliette reminds us “we’ve had bad presidents before, and we’ve lived through it.”
Click weturnedoutokay.com/110 for links and notes about this wonderful conversation with a true voice of reason, and to enjoy the show!
It sounds like breast-feeding doesn’t come up very often in Juliette’s world, because when I ask her to share about the experience she discusses in Security Mom – about just how truly hungry her third baby was – Juliette laughs out loud.
Our conversation then moves on to more serious topics:
– 5 weeks into a much-needed maternity leave, Juliette finds herself and her new baby on a train speeding toward New York City on the morning of September 11, 2001. As they get closer and closer, the news gets scarier and scarier, and nobody seems to really know what to do, she starts getting cell phone calls from Fox and CNN and other places, asking for her commentary about the very place she’s taking her tiny baby… As the train pulls into New Haven, Connecticut, everybody’s terrified; a passenger comes up to Juliette and says “I just want to go home” – and Juliette realizes, going to New York today would be a very bad idea. So, she stands up and takes the lead in evacuating the train.
– How to feel better about this election: Juliette reminds us that, as a nation, we have stayed safe (generally) by taking “the other”… and making them “us.” Her decades of study and experience in the world of national security have reinforced this truth, and her words make me feel both safer and connected. When the bonds of friendship are strong, when these bonds can transcend differences in religion or skin color, that is when we are safest as a nation.
– What families like us can do to sleep better at night, to feel safer:
“There’s a lot you can do. Think about… What are the provisions that you would want in your house if something bad happens?” Juliette shares.
She highlights the importance of having a family plan for where/how family members can meet up in the event of a major issue, and I get to share about the “secret fort” that my family has had as our in-case-of-fire meeting place since the boys were very small.
Listening to Juliette Kayyem speak so knowledgeably and passionately made me feel safer, that’s for sure!
I hope the same for you – enjoy the show!
Key Links:
Click here to check out Security Mom, the book, in Amazon.
To ask a question or leave a comment with Juliette, visit her website, kayyemsolutions.com/contact.
Listen to the Security Mom podcast by clicking here.
Welcome! To listen to this episode, scroll down to the bottom and press the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!
About this episode:
How bad is the vague sense of fear, of atmospheric worry, in your life? Because if you feel it, you can bet that your child is getting those vibes from you (and now she’s worrying, too.)
It’s very difficult to escape the news and mudslinging around this contentious election. That’s what started me thinking about how to help you feel better during this time of year when it always seems to feel a bit more “serious” than just a few weeks ago – but this year seems amplified by an order of magnitude.
So, here’s the first of three parts of The Modern Parent’s Guide to Living Through This Election!
Click weturnedoutokay.com/109 to listen to this episode and to read more about the one thing – THE basic building block – around which we can start to knock back worry and anxiety in our lives, and therefore the lives of our kids.
My question for you today is:
How is your sleep?
With lots to worry about in our own lives and the constant fanning of negative flames on the news, through robocalls, and all over the place on social media, getting good sleep can be the last thing on our minds.
But I’m here to tell you that it should be the first thing; if we can sort out sleep, lots of other things get better too.
Today I share the story of how, when I lost the ability to walk more than a few steps in 2011, any good quality of sleep that I had ever had flew right out the window.
I only really regained decent sleep in late 2012, after reading a book by health guru Dr. Andrew Weil in which he advocates for a very specific kind of breathing, called the 4-7-8 breath.
Without exaggerating, I can say that the 4-7-8 breath changed my life, and helped me get a handle on good sleep.
So, today I’m wondering how YOUR sleep is – and if it could be improved?
Start by thinking about the basic rules for getting to sleep:
– no caffeine after 5 PM (or ever, which is even better 🙂
– no screens within a few hours of going to bed
– make bedtime for yourself earlier if at all possible (so that you are ready when your little one wakes up at five in the morning)
If you’re still struggling with good sleep – especially, if you’re waking up wicked early – it’s time to call in the big guns, such as the 4-7-8 breath (find the link in the Key Links below).
Also: I’m a yoga instructor, and as such I’ve learned some great breathing exercises and meditations for getting to sleep (or easing anxiety).
I’m wondering, would you find it beneficial if I were to record a few breathing exercises for getting to sleep?
Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact and let me know!
Key Links:
Dr. Andrew Weil’s 4-7-8 breath is demonstrated in the video at this link.
If your kids are doing things that drive you bananas, raising your stress level and making it tough to remember why you had them in the first place, my book gives you some concrete tools and things to say or do in a tough moment.
Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child in Amazon, where you can read the introduction for free and decide if it might be a helpful tool for you.
Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom and hit the triangular “play” button.
About today’s show: