Podcast Episode 158: “Recess is a Right” – Speaking with Medical Ethicist Dr. Arthur Caplan about things that affect our children’s lives

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guest, a medical ethicist (in other words, a person who helps determine what is ethical in people’s health), took my breath away with his eloquent words on stuff that impacts young children every day.

Dr. Arthur Caplan, professor of bioethics in the Department of Population Health at NYU’s Langone Medical Center, and I talk about everything from cloning mammoths to stopping malaria and the Zika virus… and also what the average person can do to improve their – our – lives.

Dr. Caplan shares his strong feelings on the academic pressures placed on elementary school age kids today, and what he says sure gives me hope.

I know you’re going to love our conversation! To read the notes, and to grab the key links, visit weturnedoutokay.com/158.

 

Get my free “handle every temper tantrum guide”

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Continue reading “Podcast Episode 158: “Recess is a Right” – Speaking with Medical Ethicist Dr. Arthur Caplan about things that affect our children’s lives”

155: Your Biggest Weapon in the War Against Parental Guilt – Speaking With Returning Champion Ashley Milne-Tyte of The Broad Experience Podcast

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, Ashley Milne-Tyte of The Broad Experience podcast returns to We Turned Out Okay, and our conversation goes in a direction I hadn’t anticipated: how women can take on too much, become overwhelmed, and end up unhappy and possibly even ill.

Because Ashley’s podcast focuses on “women in the workplace,” our conversation starts out with the focus on women and moms. But somewhere in here, we stop talking just about women – and start talking about parents. Parental guilt is a thing, and not just among the moms!

Today’s episode is big-picture, and Ashley shares a tremendous weapon that we all have in our possession, something that helps us alleviate parental guilt and make our lives, and our children’s, better.

I hope you enjoy our conversation!

For show notes, key links, and to sign up for tomorrow’s NPC FAQ Q&A – where you get your questions answered about the Ninja Parenting Community and you also get a FREE copy of my book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics – go to weturnedoutokay.com/155!

Continue reading “155: Your Biggest Weapon in the War Against Parental Guilt – Speaking With Returning Champion Ashley Milne-Tyte of The Broad Experience Podcast”

152: What Happens When Kids Don’t Get What They Need? Talking With Early Childhood Education Professors Miriam Beloglovsky and Lisa Daly

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Rarely am I speechless – in life or podcasting – but today’s guests took my breath away with their observations of real young adults who grew up without open-ended play in their lives.

Lisa Daly and Miriam Beloglovsky, authors and professors, know a lot about how easy it is for a child growing up today to have zero practical knowledge. It’s because their lives were spent preparing for, and taking, tests.

Now as adults, these young people score really well on tests… But cannot accomplish simple tasks such as using screwdriver. Imagine not having the mechanical knowledge to use a screwdriver!

Thankfully, Daly and Beloglovsky spend their days teaching tomorrow’s teachers, and have a wonderful go-around for this burgeoning problem. And, it is burgeoning – more and more young people leave high school without any practical knowledge, move out into the world looking really well-prepared on paper, but lacking competence and confidence in many key areas of their lives.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/152 for show notes and key links to this mind-blowing conversation with two thoughtful, engaged people!

Thankfully, human nature being what it is, Daly and Beloglovsky report that even grown-ups can learn these important mechanical, physical concepts.

But there’s only one way: through play.

It’s the tinkering, investigating, and coming up with “I wonder” questions that educates people about gravity, velocity, mechanics, and every other science or engineering concept.

So my question for you is: how are you incorporating play into your young child’s life?
The answer may be more important to their well-being and happiness than you imagine.

Key Links:

Check out Daly and Beloglovsky’s book, Loose Parts, here – it’s a great resource for incorporating open-ended play into your child’s life.

Also, their website, Reflective Perspectives, discusses more about open-ended play and loose parts. Click here to check it out.

Click here to read the Alliance for Childhood’s great paper, Crisis in the Kindergarten.

For my conversation with Tanya Trainor, nursery school owner and a woman who has seen the transformative nature of giving kids loose parts, go to weturnedoutokay.com/036.

If you’re seeing aggressive behavior, or sadness, or passivity in your child – and you’re worried that it’s due to the lack of open-ended play – the Ninja Parenting Community could be just the place to get help.
It’s where I help parents just like you figure out how to handle all the tough stuff our kids throw at us.
Click here to learn more about the community!

149: Work-Life Balance, Unconventional Parenting, and Fostering Kids’ Authenticity – Roundtable Part 2

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I’ve been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We’ve been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you’re going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part two of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Today’s topics: stay-at-home dads, the benefits of unconventional (read: “weird”) parenting, and raising kids to do what they love – even if you can’t see how that might be useful later.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/149 for show notes and key links, including the sign-up for my upcoming free, live online class in how to alleviate Common Parenting Challenges!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Topic 1: ” I Parent Weirdly”
– in which Dina asserts that she parents weirdly; I suggest that perhaps everyone does; Angela states she doesn’t – and we decide that “weird” is the wrong word and we all like “unconventional” better.

Topic 2: Mr. Mom
– in which Angela shares that at-home parenting wasn’t for her, and how embracing that and running with it made everybody in her home happier.

Topic 3: How do we help kids not hate their own voice?
– in which I talk about the great example my mother set when I was a young woman; a college professor asked me to join her newly-formed women’s choir, and I asked my singer mom “why would anyone want me in their choir?” – Mom told me “Don’t waste time hating your own voice.”
– We discuss the many different “voices” our kids have; Angela shares how she and her husband support their son’s love of graffiti; we all agree that the word voice is a stand-in for “authenticity,” and what a key character trait that truly is.

Questions or comments? Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to share!

Key Links:

Click here for our Roundtable, part one, episode 146.

Click here for Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture on YouTube; here for his book by the same name. Seriously, don’t miss these, they’re life-changing.

146: How the Wrong Kind of Pressure Damages Kids: Our First Roundtable!

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I’ve been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We’ve been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you’re going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part one of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Up for discussion today: how to not raise a-holes, The French Toast Alert System and how the culture of fear really messes with parents of young children, and making sure sure that we don’t put the wrong kinds of pressure on our young kids!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/146 for show notes and key links, including sign-up links to two upcoming free, live online classes I’m teaching: 1) the FAQ Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community coming up THIS Thursday, March 30 and where you can get a free copy of my parenting book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics and 2) the Common Parenting Challenges class coming up April 20!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Topic 1: The French Toast Alert System
– I brought this one up because I thought it was hilarious, a system that alerts people about upcoming snowstorms by gauging the likelihood of meeting to go out and buy milk, eggs, and bread (which up here in the Northeast, as a snowstorm is bearing down, are 3 commodities that sell out fast!)
– But our conversation moves quickly to the question: are alert systems a good thing? Do they desensitize, stress out, make us pay attention to the wrong stuff?

Topic 2: How to Not Raise A-holes
– Dina brought the question of topics for today’s show to her family, and her 21-year-old came up with the idea “how to not raise an a-hole.”
– This quickly leads into attachment parenting and a general consideration of what it takes to ensure our kids aren’t jerks when they grow up.

Topic 3: Too Much Pressure
– Angela has been thinking about the pressures put on her kids since they started high school in fall 2015. The pressures on her kids, and their peers, seems crazy to her!
– We discuss: the different kinds of pressures on kids; how to shield young kids and/or help them deal with pressure.

Key Links:

Check out the French Toast Alert System here!

Click here to see The Gift of Fear, Dina’s book recommendation, in Amazon.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

143: Online Safety for Families – Speaking with Dad and Web Design Company President Rich Stearman

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this page and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“How do I keep my kids safe online? How do I keep my devices safe from hackers?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself either of these questions, you are going to love today’s episode.

Today’s guest, Rich Stearman, president of the web design company Ashdown Technologies, addresses these issues and lots more on the show!

Ben, our boys, and I have been really close with Rich, his wife Kathy, and their boys for decades – since before either of us couples had any kids, in fact.

Rich is our go-to guy for technology questions; I asked him onto the show so that he can be your go-to guy as well! (At least for the length of this episode : )

True to form, our conversation ranges far and wide, and there’s a lot more great parenting information in here than merely about technology.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/143 for key links and to listen!

Key Links:

Rich and I discuss many aspects of digital safety, from protecting your computer against hackers to figuring out how to mentor kids as they begin venturing out onto the Internet.

Any conversation about tech and kids needs to include the work of Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise; click here to listen to my conversation with Devorah.

I hope you enjoy today’s episode!

140: How to Be Happier In Your Parenting: A Conversation with Mom, Author, Columnist and New York Times Contributing Editor KJ Dell’ Antonia

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guest didn’t set out to be a writer. But after getting her law degree and being a practicing attorney for six years, she made a discovery: law just wasn’t her thing; instead, she found, she was a writer.

In the spirit of finding stuff out through writing, KJ Dell’Antonia began freelancing about motherhood; she’s written for Slate magazine, Parenting magazine, Parents magazine, and many others. She is now a contributing editor and columnist on the Well Family page at the New York Times, and currently on book leave to write – what else? – a book that’s going to help us be happier in our parenting.

KJ shares where her research for this as-yet-unnamed parenting book is taking her, and you’re going to be thrilled because she’s investigating all the problems that you are most likely currently living with!

To find out how to handle getting your kids to do more around the house, how to help with homework, and how to be a part of KJ’s chores project (i.e.: getting your kids to do more chores) click weturnedoutokay.com/140!

Today’s episode is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Do you struggle to manage your child’s behavior at home?
Is she in trouble at school or child care?
Is he starting to think of himself as a “bad kid” – even though you know he’s not?

Get the expert advice, training courses, and support you need

To help your children, but especially to help yourself.
The Ninja Parenting Community teaches moms and dads just like you to get into their best parenting mindset and thus be happier, less stressed, and more confident in parenting and beyond.

Click here to learn more about the Ninja Parenting Community, and start worrying less and enjoying more at home!

Guess what the vast majority of parents struggle with on a day-to-day basis?

KJ’s done extensive research on this, even commissioning a study with 1000 parents, for her upcoming book.

Her research shows that most parents struggle with one concept:

Discipline.

(I know… It sounded familiar to me too.)

Today, KJ shares how discipline wends its way through everything else in our parenting lives: chores, homework, consistency.

KJ is currently running a free project for parents (herself included : )
Click here to see what it’s all about!
Also! In our conversation today I bring up the concept of not moving kids’ walls… And KJ honored me by using this concept in week three of her chore challenge! Click here to read more : )

You can also find KJ:
on instagram here; and on twitter here.

She’s really fun to connect with out in the social media world, and not just for the adorable and funny Playmobil pictures she posts!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child in Amazon; you can even read the introduction for free to determine if my book will be helpful to you.

137: How to Help Your Child Curb Stress and Anxiety: A Conversation with Mom and Mental Health Counselor Janine Halloran

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Lots of things can happen over the course of a day to make us all feel anxious…How does your child handle anxiety?

Today’s guest is a true play specialist.

Today licensed mental health counselor, play expert, and mom-to-2 Janine Halloran gives us some wonderful – and very specific – tools to help our kids handle stress.

True to the nature of We Turned Out Okay, my hour-long conversation with Janine covers lots more than this! Janine and her family are spending the year in California, clear across the country from their home in Massachusetts; we talk about how and why the Hallorans took on this move. We also dig into the concept of fidgets, devices to help people concentrate better – and this podcaster realizes that fidgets are more of a thing – in her own life – then she realized.

To read about Janine’s stress-busting advice, get links to some great books about play and her websites on encouraging play and teaching children coping skills, and to listen to the show click weturnedoutokay.com/137!

Today’s episode is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Do you struggle to manage your child’s behavior at home?
Is she in trouble at school or child care?
Is he starting to think of himself as a “bad kid” – even though you know he’s not?

Get the expert advice, training courses, and support you need

To help your children, but especially to help yourself.
The Ninja Parenting Community teaches moms and dads just like you to get into their best parenting mindset and thus be happier, less stressed, and more confident in parenting and beyond.

Click here to learn more about the Ninja Parenting Community, and start worrying less and enjoying more at home!

“Trust your gut… Go with it… Help your kid.”
– Janine Halloran, in today’s conversation

As parents we often don’t realize the kind of power we have to help our children surmount the anxieties and stresses they may be feeling.

Janine suggests:
– spend time with kids and observe their behavior; kids don’t say to us “I am worried… I am stressed out…” The only way to truly understand the cause of their anxieties is observation.
– kids might be anxious for any number of reasons; even if it’s tough to determine the cause, we can still help… We can teach coping mechanisms, we can listen if our kids are able to talk about their fears, we can support them by spending time with them, talking to them, reading with them, showing them in our behavior how to best handle stress and anxiety
– we can encourage the use of fidgets! The idea of a piece of Velcro under a desk, putty or play dough to squeeze, or a small ribbon or piece of felt to hold – specifically to help people concentrate – is new to me.

Fidgets were a true revelation: it turns out I use them for myself all the time!

Maybe you do, too.
(If you’re a hair twirler, you most certainly are using a fidget : )

Key Links

Click here for Janine’s Coping Skills for Kids website; click here for her Encourage Play website. In both places you’ll find more resources and suggestions for alleviating stress and encouraging curiosity and creativity.

To listen to my first conversation with Janine, click here.

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child in Amazon; you can even read the introduction for free to determine if my book will be helpful to you.

Here is the link to Not A Box; click here for Not A Stick; click here for the Loose Parts book; and here for the book about Owen and his blanky.

134: Screwing Up And Why It’s Important – Talking With Mom and New York Times Best-selling Author Jessica Lahey (Rebroadcast)

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, February 2, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen, scroll down to the bottom of this post and press the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Diving into the archives of We Turned Out Okay, and finding wonderfIMG_1927ul shows like this one which you may not have heard before (and will get something out of even if you have heard it already), seems like a fitting start to a new year.

My guest today, Gift of Failure author Jessica Lahey, has helped me in so many ways: to be a better mom, to forgive myself when I screw up, to take the long view on mistakes, thinking not so much about epic fails but instead asking myself “how do I learn from this?” (Jess is also 1/2 of the #amwriting with Jess and KJ duo; click here to check out one of my favorite podcasts, and great if you have any interest in writing or creating!)

I know you’ll learn a lot from our conversation today, thanks for tuning in!

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

If you like what you hear on We Turned Out Okay, but you feel like it’s not quite enough…
If you want more personal help and advice from me…
The Ninja Parenting Community is the place for you to get that help!

– We’ve got classes, like Sanity With Kids, to help you simultaneously raise your children and retain your sanity
– Parent-Coaching calls: one “starter” call for monthly members and one each quarter for annual members
– Forums where I personally help and advise members – and where we all support each other

Now is the perfect time to join, because you get beta pricing and it’s really built out to help you most.
This coming Friday the cost will double when we leave beta, so click this link to see what it’s all about!

Want a closer look PLUS a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help you handle everything your child can throw at you?

Come to the live NPC FAQ Q&A!
This coming Thursday night, February 2, at 8 PM EST you can:
look inside the community
listen as I address lots of frequently asked questions
ask your questions!

And just for showing up at the Q&A you’ll receive a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics! Up until now the book has only been available in Amazon – get it for free at the Q&A : )

To sign up for the NPC FAQ Q&A – and for notes to today’s show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/134!

About this episode:

Several years ago, today’s guest wrote what was for me an earth-shattering piece in the Atlantic Monthly (read it here). Jessica Lahey’s article discusses an experience she had as a middle school teacher, where she realized a student had plagiarized, called the student’s mom to discuss the failing grade the student would be getting – and the mom said “you can’t fail her…3D-bookshot-wo-border I wrote that paper for her, she has too much on her plate and couldn’t do it herself.”

My guest’s article talks about how, when your mom writes your papers, you are robbed of the experience. It’s one way in which you are not learning how to fall down – by writing a bad paper – and get back up again.

Fast forward to summer 2015, when I heard Jess on the wonderful podcast The Good Life Project, discussing both the article and her new book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Last December, I attended Jessica’s live presentation about The Gift of Failure, and she graciously offered to come on the podcast; today’s episode is the conversation we had a week or so later, and it’s a great one!

During our conversation, I share that, as a parent, I tried really hard to make sure everything was perfect for my kids when they were little.

I ask Jess: why do we parents do this? She laughs – the sympathetic laugh of a woman who has been in my shoes – and talks about how we want what’s best for them, and we also want that jolt of oxytocin that comes with being depended upon… And then shares about how she moved from encouraging this kind of dependence to seeing her relationship with her kids blossom when she started encouraging their autonomy rather than their dependence upon her.

Highlights from our conversation include:

1) the work of Carol Dweck, a researcher who focuses on the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset; believe me, we want to encourage a growth mindset, the one in which our kids look upon challenges as fun and setbacks as learning experiences instead of a reason to give up

2) the relationship between these three words: autonomy, competence, and connection; one of the major themes in The Gift of Failure, Jess illustrates that as parents, our job is to foster these three traits in our children, they are the key to a good life

3) how to give our kids the gift of failure, without feeling like failures ourselves; there’s a real mind shift that must take place to go from “oh – let me do that for you” to “hey, great job – you worked really hard and did that for yourself!”

Overall, I love our conversation because it’s clear that Jessica Lahey sees both sides of this coin, understands this from the perspective of a parent who doesn’t let her children fall down and figure out how to get back up. In her book, her live presentations, and in this interview she provides a roadmap to give our kids the gift of failure – and understand what a true gift it is.

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

131: Happiness in Family and Work – A True Balancing Act; Talking With Dad and Business Owner Steve Mirando (Rebroadcast)

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Diving into the archives of We Turned Out Okay, and finding wonderful shows like this one which you may not have heard before (and will get something out of even if you have heard it already), seems like a fitting start to a new year.

Today’s guest, along with his wife and children, have been special people in my family’s life ever since we had the excellent luck of moving in across the street from them more than a decade ago.

We’ve watched Steve Mirando and his wife Sue support each other through a lot – having children, figuring out work-life challenges, Steve’s going to full-time school for acupuncture and then hanging out his shingle as a practicing acupuncturist… many of these all happening at the same time!

I know you’ll learn a lot from our conversation today, thanks for tuning in!

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Are you raising little kids and feeling overwhelmed?

Could you use some accountability and support?

Join us inside our membership community to get access to:
– courses, like the one I just finished up, called Sanity With Kids, helping you stay sane while simultaneously raising children
– live, members-only calls
– direct feedback on how to get through your toughest challenges
– the support of a community where were all working to worry less and enjoy more while raising kids!

We leave beta very soon, because the community is really built out now with course offerings and great forums, so get in before the price goes up!

Click this link or go to weturnedoutokay.com/ninja-parenting-community-login to get all the details –

And for notes to today’s show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/131!

 

Listen in to hear about:

1) Steve’s past as part of an improv theater troupe, and how that’s helped him cope with the surprises that life brings as a parent and business owner (check out Steve’s website, theacuworks.com, here.)

2) how critical it is to surround yourself with people who want to help you achieve your dreams – and who you want to support as they achieve theirs

3) Steve and Sue’s awesome ideas about family time, what it is and what it means to truly “spend time together”

If you take just one thing from this episode, I hope it is this: even in the really busy day-to-day that everyone with young children experiences, it is possible to connect with our spouses and children on a meaningful level every day. We can make a conscious choice to figure out how to make that happen! Steve and Sue Mirando, our across-the-street neighbors, are a great example of how to do that right.

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

128: How to Help When Your Child Really Can’t Handle Something Important

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Maybe you know the symptoms: tummy aches, excessive temper tantrums and stubbornness, crying over everything and over an extended period of time.

If your child shows some of these elements, and it’s freaking you out, how do you know what is wrong? And if you can figure that out – how do you help your son or daughter make it right?

In this rebroadcasting of a great conversation from early in 2016, mom and educational facilitator Amy Anderson helps us answer these big, hairy questions.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/128 to listen; weturnedoutokay.com/contact with questions or comments; and here to get personal help with your biggest, scariest child-rearing issues!

Also – are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

126: What 1 Thing Do Our Kids Need from Us Most? – A Your Child Explained Episode

pool-917604_640Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today I’m asking the question: “what matters most… To your kids?”

It’s something I’ve been thinking about since speaking with Jonathan Fields, this past Tuesday’s guest.

Through his Good Life Project podcast, Jonathan has been a HUGE mentor of mine. Tuesday we found out who some of Jonathan’s mentors are; one turns out to be Milton Glaser, a man who helped Jonathan realize the value of structuring your life so that you prioritize the things that matter most.

What mattered most to Jonathan: time with his wife and their daughter.

This dovetails nicely with what matters most to our kids: it’s the time we spend with them.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/126 for full show notes and key links – enjoy the show!

I get to re-share a favorite expression of mine today:

Kids spell love T-I-M-E.

Even in this crazy-busy season (if you’re listening in real time), this is the thing that matters most.

I leave you with a question this week: how can you carve out some time to just be with your kids?

If you’ve come up with a great way to do this – let me know! Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact.

Key Links:
Listen to my conversation with Jonathan Fields, episode 125, by clicking here.

Grab Jonathan’s book, How to Live A Good Life, in Amazon by clicking here.

If you’re struggling with the day-to-day of child-rearing, my book might save you some stress:
click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child.

Are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

125: How to Feel Better Despite Life’s Insanity – A Conversation With Dad, Author, and Host of The Good Life Project Podcast Jonathan Fields

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

I’ve been a huge fan of Jonathan Fields’ Good Life Project podcast for over a year now; the guests, subject matter, and message have been instrumental in my life and We Turned Out Okay .

So, when Jonathan accepted my invitation to come on my show, I did a happy dance! (I was already doing one anyway… Jonathan’s book, How to Live A Good Life, came out right around the time of our conversation : )

If you’re trying to figure out how to survive these next weeks – if you’re feeling overwhelmed, and not as joyful as the season suggests you should – you are going to love the show.

Also – are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/125 for show notes and key links!

The Good Life Project podcast is so-called because, Jonathan shares today, life itself is an ongoing project. We don’t get to a point where it’s the best life it will ever be, and then coast on that forever – we need to take small steps, frequently, toward that good life.

Jonathan shares about what it was like to sign a lease on premises to start a yoga studio in Manhattan… As the new dad to a three-month-old daughter… On September 10, 2001. We talk a lot about how truly life-changing 9/11 was, our mutual feeling of worrying in the aftermath about bringing up children in this new normal, and the good that Jonathan was able to bring about in New York itself through the yoga studio.

As we dig into holiday insanity and how to avoid it, the phrases “mindfulness” and “being in the moment” come up, as Jonathan shares that the same things that will help you live a good life in general also help in coping with holiday insanity.

It’s not every day you get to ask a mentor how to live a good life, and that’s what makes today’s show so special; I’m so grateful to Jonathan Fields for sharing his insights and ideas with us!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:
Jonathan’s book, How to Live A Good Life, could be just what you need to thrive despite the insanity; click here to check out both The Good Life Project podcast and this book!

During our conversation, Jonathan shares an episode of Good Life Project that stands out for him: his conversation with Milton Glaser which helped Jonathan restructure his life to include more of his top priority, family; click here to listen to that episode.

 

122: How to Raise Well-Adjusted Kids and Run a Successful Family Business: with Shane & Jocelyn Sams of the Flipped Lifestyle Podcast

sams-family-in-pigeon-forge-wonderworks-1Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

You may know Jocelyn and Shane Sams from their entrepreneurial podcast, Flipped Lifestyle… “Where Life Always Comes Before Work.” This fun and inspirational couple has figured out a way to make their living online, thus spending more time on the important stuff – like raising their 7 and 5-year-old kids!

Today’s conversation does not get into entrepreneurship at all, except in talking about how this duo functions as a team – without, in their words, “killin’ each other.”

It does, however, share Shane and Jocelyn’s best tips for enjoying your relationships – with work, family, and those closest to you.

Our conversation is in turns hilarious (as in when Shane describes his “safety wipe” potty training method), and tender (I nearly named this episode “love is a verb,” I was so moved when Shane and Jocelyn brought up this concept.)

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/122 for full show notes and key links – and enjoy listening. I know you’re going to love this one!

S and J – as those of us in their awesome community frequently refer to them – share several great ideas today to help you really enjoy, not just the every day, but holiday time as well:

1) Think experiences, instead of “stuff,” when giving gifts.
This year the Sams children will receive season passes to an amusement park, bringing huge savings and repeated joy for the whole family.

2) Remember, as S and J’s minister says: “love is a verb.”
It’s the actions we take with our families and friends and loved ones that communicate how much we love them.

3) Work as a team.
So much is easier when there’s more than one of us, working together!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:
Visit Shane and Jocelyn Sams’s Flipped Lifestyle Podcast website here.

Listen to How to Work Together Without Killin’ Eachother by clicking here.

If you’re struggling with the day-to-day of child-rearing, my book might save you some stress:
click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child.

119: “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?” Navigating Parenthood with Mom/Dad/Author Duo Annemarie Kelly-Harbaugh and Ken Harbaugh

Welcome! To listen to today’s show, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s guests, Annemarie Kelly-Harbaugh and Ken Harbaugh, did some pretty amazing stuff before they became parents. She helped troubled young people in a program that functioned mainly way out in the woods, he was a naval officer who flew reconnaissance missions and responded to disasters here at home and internationally.

They had each encountered their fair share of storms, which helped them prepare for the challenges of parenthood.

Just like all of us, Ken and Annemarie have seen some storms in parenting; what’s cool about them is that they don’t just ride out the storms – they learn from them.

In fact, they’ve written a book – Here Be Dragons: A Parent’s Guide to Rediscovering Purpose, Adventure, and the Unfathomable Joy of The Journey – and are on the show today sharing some of their best lessons with us.

I’m excited to bring you today’s episode this week especially, because Thanksgiving comes up in our conversation.

And so does so much else.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/119 for full show notes and key links, including those to Annemarie and Ken’s awesome blog and book!

DadvMom, the Kelly-Harbaugh home on the web, is just hilarious – and at the same time, tender and sweet. This parenting duo’s website is super fun and relevant, click here to check it out.

You can also grab Here Be Dragons at the website, but in case you’d like to check it out in Amazon, click this link.

116: How to Navigate Your Child’s Digital World with Mom and Kids-and-Media Expert Devorah Heitner

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and press the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy the show!

What worries you about technology and your kids?
Is it online predators? Cyber bullying?
The idea that they’ll disappear into their little devices and you’ll never see them again?

My guest today, Devorah Heitner, is an expert at helping us understand technology and our kids – and ourselves.

Because like it or not, we are raising digital natives; we need to get this right!

Devorah has appeared on the Today show, NPR, the Discovery Education Channel; she’s been featured in Time magazine and Real Simple. Most recently, she’s written Screenwise, a book about raising kids in this digital age, highly recommended!

Today – election day if you’re listening in real time – Devorah is on the show to help us understand both raising kids in our digital world, and how to teach civility in this era of utterly uncivil political/public discourse.

To read more about my conversation with Devorah, view her amazing TED-X talk, and to listen to our conversation, go to weturnedoutokay.com/116!

Earlier in her career, Devorah did something really interesting: she helped privileged college students connect with underprivileged third-graders.

As she became interested in technology, the lessons she learned while watching those connections stayed with her, because the very fact of the connections had to do with a key human trait:

Empathy.

Devorah’s TED-X talk, “Empathy is the App,” shares about her research with middle schoolers, kids just a little bit older, most likely, than your kids are right now.

She talks about how much it hurts when your friends are posting pictures on instagram of a birthday party that you weren’t invited to; about kids learning not to continually text-spam when they’re not getting a response; about how tough it is for kids when their parents get so buried in their phones that they ignore the child standing right in front of them.

Each of these issues’ solutions is the same: empathy.

In fact, empathy comes up in just about every part of our conversation, from her new book, Screenwise, about raising kids in the digital age, to how we parents can model the correct way to disagree (hint: it’s not the way the political candidates have been disagreeing!)

I hope you enjoy our conversation. I know it’s one I’ll return to again and again in my quest to remember that empathy must be the basis for how I interact with the world.

Key Links:

Devorah’s book, Screenwise, is a must read if you are raising kids in this digital culture.

Along with her son, Devorah recommends the Finn Caspian podcast.

Also, check out Black College TV, which comes up in our conversation today!

113: How to Talk to Kids About Current Events and This Election – A Conversation with Mom and Veteran Broadcast Journalist Cheryl Tan

2014-12-24-16-25-57-3Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy the show!

I knew I wanted to speak with a journalist regarding next month’s presidential election, so I was thrilled when today’s guest, veteran TV reporter/anchor Cheryl Tan, agreed to come on the show!

Cheryl has appeared on CNN and Fox News, and currently hosts her own entrepreneurial TV show, Hampton Roads Business Weekly, the Standout podcast, and teaches entrepreneurs how to connect with journalists in her online community, PR Pro.

Speaking with Cheryl helped me realize that “the mainstream media” – feared by some, considered distant by others – is made up of real people. They are sons and daughters, moms and dads, brothers and sisters, and like Cheryl they want to tell people’s stories.

In today’s episode Cheryl shares about the crazy schedule-juggling that two married journalists go through while raising three boys, how to talk to kids about current events, and Cheryl shares advice that she’s not sure you’ll love, but nevertheless is her best idea for parents of young children…

Click weturnedoutokay.com/113 for notes in key links on today’s episode!

Here is Cheryl’s favorite schedule from when their kids were younger and she and her husband, both journalists, had to figure out how to raise kids and work at the same time:

– 2:15 AM: wake up, go to work while husband runs the morning at home
– 3 PM: get kids off the bus, attend to homework/dinner/sports
– 8:15 PM: get everybody to bed, including herself

That’s six hours of sleep, not too bad in terms of maintaining your sanity while raising young kids!

Cheryl liked that schedule so much because everybody got what they needed: work time, family time, and time for sleep.

Having spent so long in the news-media industry, Cheryl sees real importance in helping young children understand, in an age-appropriate way, what is happening around them.

Kids absorb vibes naturally, and if they’re feeling anxiety in the air and not understanding it, they’re very unsettled kids indeed…

Cheryl recommends speaking to them, answering questions, helping them feel safe.

In this part of our conversation I get to share about a day when my oldest, Max, came home upset from kindergarten, where there was some conversation about a recent shooting.

Through our conversation, Max was able to find a few solutions to help him feel safe – while it was hard for me to talk about a shooting with my little guy, I’m glad I did. It was what he needed.

Towards the end of our conversation, Cheryl shares her best piece of advice for parents of young children, adding that she is not sure that you will love it:

ENJOY this time with them. They will not be little forever!

Key Links:

Click here to check out Cheryl’s awesome podcast, Standout.

Go to CherylTanmedia.com/contact to share comments with her or ask any questions.

The Ninja Parenting Community – the online community I built for you, if you’re struggling with some aspect of raising your young children, is still in beta!
That’s good news for you, if:

– you want my expert advice on how to help your child navigate these first years of school, how to have a less anxious child, or how to keep sane while raising kids

– you want to be part of a community of supportive parents of young children

– you want access to the Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics expansion pack, my course which digs deeper into every chapter of my book by the same name

– you want to pay less, and get more out of your membership

Click here to read more about the Ninja Parenting Community. I hope to see you soon in the forums!

111: How to Keep Your Kids from Freaking Out: A Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the very bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

About this episode:

I start out today by speaking a little bit more about homework for young kids and the remarks that American Academy of Pediatrics president Dr. Benard Dreyer made regarding this in episode 107.

After hearing episode 106 (the homework backlash episode), a mom got in touch with me to share about the heaps of homework her first grader receives each night, and the fact that three missed homework assignments earns this six-year-old after school detention.

After school detention! For a six-year-old!

I really hope that listening to Dr. Dreyer’s words on homework is helpful for everyone, but especially for those of you whose kids are stuck in a really crummy homework situation.

This past Tuesday in episode 110, my guest, former assistant secretary of Homeland Security and creator of book and podcast Security Mom, Juliette Kayyem, shared many great ideas for helping us feel safer amidst the contentious election and toxic fall vibes.

Today I expand on her comment that if we are calm, our kids will be calm as well – but if we freak out, they’ll freak out too.


We look at security through our kids’ eyes, discussing why they react that way and figuring out how to alleviate their anxieties.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/111 for notes, a hilarious and wonderful – and, I promise, relevant to today’s show – YouTube clip of the Muppets, and to listen!

Did you ever watch the Muppets as a kid?
If you had the experience, as I have, of watching a Muppet skit both as a child and then, years later, as an adult, you may understand exactly why the show is perfect for both adults and kids.

As a kid, I watched for the silliness without really understanding a lot of the grown-up language, and I laughed because of the antics and the inscrutability of the words.

As an adult, I’m laughing because I understand the words and the irony of using big words on the kids show.

On today’s episode, I make the case that anxiety is just like that – except that what we produce in our kids is fear, not hilarity.

Kids don’t understand what is going on when an adult is freaking out at something they see on TV; they know only that their trusted adult is freaking out.

We must work hard to alleviate our own anxiety so kids don’t absorb that vibe.

How do you do that? Please share – go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact and let me know how you are communicating calm instead of anxiety to your young child!

 

110: Why You Should Care about Homeland Security: A Conversation with Mom and Former Assistant of National Homeland Security Juliette Kayyem

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button.
Enjoy!

About today’s show:

If you are nervous about the sense of unrest in the air, about the upcoming contentious election, about the threats of violence from all quarters; if you’re feeling a little powerless as to how to protect your home and family in the midst of the toxic vibes, you are going to LOVE this show.

Beloved children’s television host Fred Rogers famously said: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

For more than fifteen years, my guest today has been one of those helpers –

In her role as assistant secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Juliette Kayyem figured out how every day people could help during the 2010 BP oil spill; she advised then-Governor Deval Patrick in her position as Massachusetts’ first Homeland Security advisor.

She’s an expert in disaster preparation, she’s been keeping people informed since before 9/11 as on-air security analyst for CNN. More recently she’s started connecting home and family with homeland security through her podcast and best-selling book, Security Mom.

We commiserate over breast versus bottle, drop a few S-bombs (because as in parenthood, when you are in homeland security, shit happens), and Juliette reminds us “we’ve had bad presidents before, and we’ve lived through it.”

Click weturnedoutokay.com/110 for links and notes about this wonderful conversation with a true voice of reason, and to enjoy the show!

It sounds like breast-feeding doesn’t come up very often in Juliette’s world, because when I ask her to share about the experience she discusses in Security Mom – about just how truly hungry her third baby was – Juliette laughs out loud.

Our conversation then moves on to more serious topics:

– 5 weeks into a much-needed maternity leave, Juliette finds herself and her new baby on a train speeding toward New York City on the morning of September 11, 2001. As they get closer and closer, the news gets scarier and scarier, and nobody seems to really know what to do, she starts getting cell phone calls from Fox and CNN and other places, asking for her commentary about the very place she’s taking her tiny baby… As the train pulls into New Haven, Connecticut, everybody’s terrified; a passenger comes up to Juliette and says “I just want to go home” – and Juliette realizes, going to New York today would be a very bad idea. So, she stands up and takes the lead in evacuating the train.

– How to feel better about this election: Juliette reminds us that, as a nation, we have stayed safe (generally) by taking “the other”… and making them “us.” Her decades of study and experience in the world of national security have reinforced this truth, and her words make me feel both safer and connected. When the bonds of friendship are strong, when these bonds can transcend differences in religion or skin color, that is when we are safest as a nation.

– What families like us can do to sleep better at night, to feel safer:
“There’s a lot you can do. Think about… What are the provisions that you would want in your house if something bad happens?” Juliette shares.
She highlights the importance of having a family plan for where/how family members can meet up in the event of a major issue, and I get to share about the “secret fort” that my family has had as our in-case-of-fire meeting place since the boys were very small.

Listening to Juliette Kayyem speak so knowledgeably and passionately made me feel safer, that’s for sure!
I hope the same for you – enjoy the show!

Key Links:

Click here to check out Security Mom, the book, in Amazon.

To ask a question or leave a comment with Juliette, visit her website, kayyemsolutions.com/contact.

Listen to the Security Mom podcast by clicking here.

Do you have a question or comment for me? Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact.

 

107: Toxic Stress, Child Development, and Your Questions – American Academy of Pediatrics President Dr. Benard Dreyer Joins Me Today

President of the American Academy of Pediatrics Dr. Benard Dreyer
President of the American Academy of Pediatrics Dr. Benard Dreyer

Welcome!
To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button.

About today’s episode:

With the school year starting, a contentious election giving the feeling of continual hate and negativity in the air, and reports of yet another thing for parents to be worried about – toxic stress in their young children – I knew we needed some voices of reason in our lives.

This conversation marks the beginning of a series of interviews I’m offering this fall called Voices of Reason, where we hear from well-known and influential people with something to say that will make you feel better about the world you’re raising your young children in.

I hope this series helps you get through the next few months with less worry and more hope in your life!

Today’s guest is the head of an organization with many voices of reason…

In all likelihood your child’s pediatrician is among them, because the organization is the American Academy of Pediatrics, and today I have the privilege of bringing you my conversation with the AAP’s president, Dr. Benard Dreyer.

Over the summer I started to hear about this scary thing happening in younger and younger kids, called toxic stress. What I read chilled me to the bone: exposure to violence, deprivation, and neglect can affect kids’ development in a lifelong way, both physically and mentally.

In his capacity as President of the American Academy of Pediatrics, Dr. Dreyer is working to raise awareness of this condition, and to help parents combat it.

But our conversation brings up much more than that.

We discuss the holy grail of parenting styles – the authoritative, sometimes called wise, style – and the kind of traits authoritative parents exhibit; Dr. Dreyer answers your questions about toxic stress, how to get kids to eat healthy foods, and the problems of antibiotics resistance; and Dr. Dreyer gives his three most important things parents can do each and every day to raise happy, curious, and resilient children.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/107 to listen, for detailed notes about our conversation, learn about the AAP’s campaign against virtual violence,and to find out how to contact Dr. Dreyer!

As soon as I heard his voice, I knew that this was going to be a special conversation. Dr. Dreyer is warm, passionate, and driven – he starts his day at 3 AM – to help young children and their families live good, happy lives.

Toxic stress, Dr. Dreyer shares, happens especially in places with lots of poverty and violence. When parents have continual stress on them, with limited or no food or money and other problems that many people face, the children in their lives cannot depend on food when they are hungry or sometimes an adult to comfort and care for them. Days and days of it, over an extended period of time, create the toxic, chronic type of stress that is most dangerous, the kind that affects not just these kids’ childhoods but their whole lives, too.

Listener Michelle asks: what, if anything, can be done to counteract the effects of those negative childhood experiences?
– Dr. Dreyer responds by saying “what I would say to a parent is: so, tell me about your stress.. because toxic stress in children is almost exclusively happening in families where the parents are totally stressed out.”

Listener Sabrina asks about kids and food: “how do children’s palates develop and is there a range of development? For example, do most kids not like broccoli (and many other veggies) because their palate just isn’t developed yet? Do some kids have more sensitivities in sight, smell, and taste of foods?
– Dr. Dreyer responds that really, it’s up to us parents to help our kids’ palates develop; often, parents will try a new food once or twice and conclude that their child just does not like that food. But it turns out that regular exposure to fresh, well-prepared foods over time expand a child’s palate. (I love this answer, because it’s such gentle, common sense advice 🙂

My good friend and listener Adele had a question about antibiotics: so many young children get your infections each year, and it seems like some pediatricians are quicker than others to put the child on antibiotics… What are your own opinions on antibiotic use, and what is the official recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics on this topic?
– Dr. Dreyer shares that the Academy recommends what he calls “judicious waiting” in most cases before putting a child on antibiotics. He goes on to share that antibiotic use in children isn’t really the biggest concern with antibiotic resistance, that in fact antibiotics prescribed to adults are bigger issue and the biggest issue is when animals are fed antibiotics to help them grow bigger on their way to becoming meat for our consumption.

Towards the end of our conversation, I ask Dr. Dreyer:

There’s a lot of clutter out there in the world of parenting, lots of competing messages, fear, and crazy busy-ness in parents’ every day lives. If a parent could do just one thing each and every day – make a habit of just one thing as they raise their young children – what would you recommend as that one thing?
– I loved this answer too, because he can’t whittle it down to just one; but the three Dr. Dreyer come up with make so much sense:
1) Love your child
2) Talk with your child, no matter how young, and try to answer questions and include your son or daughter in your world
3) Read to your child

The simplicity of this answer seems so beautiful to me, and really sums up our conversation well.

I’m so grateful to have had such a nice long chat with a man who has spent his entire adulthood working on behalf of children, and who is doing so much good in the world today!

Key Links:

Dr. Dreyer shares the book that first drew his interest to a career in pediatrics: The Magic Yearsby Selma H. Fraiberg and T. Barry Brazelton.

We talk at the beginning of our conversation about virtual violence, the images children cannot avoid daily because of news in places like doughnut shops and doctors offices – and their parents’ smart phones; click here to read about the AAP’s policy and recommendations to keep virtual violence out of your young child’s life.

I share one of my current favorite books, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, by Angela Duckworth.

If you have a follow-up question for Dr. Dreyer, contact him here: (to prevent crazy spam, I’m spelling this out and asking you to substitute the necessary characters for my substitutions) bpd1 atsign nyumc dot org.

104: “Selective Mutism Is Not a Choice” – A Conversation with Mom and Globetrotter Sabrina Rizk

What if your child, while perfectly capable of speech, simply can’t speak in certain situations, like at preschool, school or daycare?

That’s the situation that Sabrina Rizk and her husband, Anthony, found themselves with their now-nine-year-old daughter Hannah was entering preschool.

My conversation with Sabrina starts off in another really cool direction: we get to talk about the round-the-world trip Sabrina, her husband, and their two daughters took during the 2015 academic year!

Sabrina shares about the trip, how Hannah and younger sister Amy adapted to the traveling, and how Anthony got a six-month leave of absence from his software development job for the trip.

Sabrina kept a blog – and is writing a book series for children – about their trip; visit weturnedoutokay.com/104 for podcast notes about selective mutism and traveling around the world, links to the book series and Sabrina’s blog, and to listen!

Kids with selective mutism can talk. But in certain situations, they become too anxious to effectively get any words out.

Sabrina tells that selective mutism affects about the same amount of children as does autism – but selective mutism is less well-known. Less is known what to do about it as well.

Over my near-decade teaching in a public preschool program, I worked with 3 selectively-mute children, and over time learned how to draw them out (hint: a safe, comforting, and joyful classroom which included the chance to be one of the Three Billy Goats Gruff in our dramatic play area worked wonders 🙂

Sabrina shares the process she and her family went through in order to be able to travel around the world together while the kids were still young, long before retirement: she says it helps that her husband’s company has a “forward-looking employee retention policy.”

Sabrina gives great advice for both traveling with young children – and for confronting a special need in a child.

I hope our conversation helps you, whether you’re planning a trip or learning to deal with a special need!

Key Links:

After today’s conversation, Sabrina shared that the first book in her series of children’s books about her family’s trip around the world is coming out soon! Click here to read about the series on Facebook 🙂

Sabrina’s lovely and fun blog, natureadventurersblog.com, is a great read and will inspire you in planning your own trip around the world.

100: Fishing With Kids – We Talk to 19-Time Husband-of-the-Year Award Winner, Our Producer Benjamin Kolp!

noon hill labor day 5
How lucky that episode 100 landed during Summer Camp, creating the perfect moment for a conversation with the man behind the great sound of this podcast, my husband and Max and Jay’s dad, Benjamin Kolp. We geek out over sound technology, the origins of We Turned Out Okay, and best of all Ben shares many awesome tips on fishing with kids for you guys!

This is a man who really, really loves fishing. Ben shares two scenarios regarding your children, you, and fishing:

1) you love to fish, and want to give your young kids that same love; or
2) the thought of worms and fishhooks makes you are really squeamish, but your young child desperately wants to learn how to fish.

Which heading do you come under?

Read detailed notes about Ben’s tips and listen to this episode at weturnedoutokay.com/100!

So, which are you – a confirmed fisherman who wants to share this pastime with your kids, or someone who could take it or leave it but whose kids absolutely are in love with the idea of fishing?

To get your kids into a sport, like fishing, that you love, Ben shares this golden rule:

– make sure that the focus is on your child’s fishing, not yours.
When our kids were small, Ben tried casting alongside the boys, only to continually find himself putting down his own rod to go untangle somebody else’s, or help them bring in a fish, or change a lure…
Focusing on your child’s fishing now, gearing a fishing trip to your child’s attention span – you may only stay five minutes with very young kids – means that, in a few years, you’ll be happily fishing alongside each other.

If the idea of worms and fish hooks really freaks you out, but your child dreams of catching fish, use these tips as a starting point:

– bring along rubber gloves and needle-nose pliers in addition to lures and fishing rod; the rubber gloves mean you won’t actually have to touch fish, while the pliers help you get out of the fish’s mouth.
– teach your son or daughter to do the stuff that makes you squeamish: placing a worm on the hook, removing a fish, etc.
Kids, Ben shares, and do lots more than we think they can!

Other great ideas when fishing with little kids:
– use your needle-nose pliers to crimp the barbs on your child’s fishhooks, which makes catch-and-release infinitely easier
– kids just want to catch fish; any sized fish will do, they are thrilled when they catch a tiny three inch sunfish
– fishing need not be expensive – kids need a rod that fits them, fishhooks, and a few lures (and some of Ben’s favorites are frozen corn and worms dug up from the yard)
– before you even get to water, Ben shares a favorite technique to help kids cast better and have more awareness of where the fishhook is: practice casting at home, in the driveway or yard, without fishhooks

I hope you are able to take advantage of these many tips from my fishing husband!

084: How – and Why – to Put Your Oxygen Mask On First: A Conversation with the Mom Behind happyhealthycaregiver.com, Elizabeth Miller

Do You you sometimes feel caught between competing demands in your life: work is pulling you one way, kids another, taking care of yourself a distant third?

My guest today, Elizabeth Miller of happyhealthycaregiver.com, knows your pain. In fact, a few years ago she added another demand on top of these when her father passed away and her chronically ill mother moved close to Elizabeth so she and her siblings could care for their Mom.

Elizabeth writes about that time in her life: “I was stressed, overwhelmed and often felt like I was suffocating by my never-ending to-do lists.”

After looking for a support network for others like her, caught in the middle as the so-called sandwich generation, Elizabeth created the support she needed by founding Happy Healthy Caregiver; now, she helps many others transcend the overwhelm she was feeling, while simultaneously caring for parents, children, and themselves.

Today, Elizabeth joins me to talk about how parents of young children – with all the work-life balance issues this stage of life brings – can enjoy family life and a great relationship with their children!

Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/084 to listen, and for key links, including to a fantastic meditation app and a book which has helped Elizabeth understand her loved ones better.

Key Links:

Click here to check out the Calm app, which Elizabeth swears by as a key way she’s found to enjoy life more and make everything easier.

Click here to go to the 5 Love Languages page in Amazon; this book helped Elizabeth understand her loved ones better, and I’m in favor of anything that does that!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child at Amazon.com. It’s the book I wrote for you, if you are in the thick of raising young children and just need some good hacks and concrete tools to maintain your sanity and create a good relationship with your kids.

081: What I Learned In Helping My Parents While My Dad Had Emergency Brain Surgery Last Month (Yes, This Really Just Happened)

About three weeks ago, my father required brain surgery to fix a subdural hematoma that he sustained while skiing two months previously. My husband Ben held the fort here at home while I flew out to be with my folks; today I’m sharing what I learned during the ten days I spent with them. (Dad is doing very well and on the mend.)
This episode comes in three parts: first, I share about what I learned during the ten days I spent with Mom and Dad surrounding Dad’s surgery.
Next, we are rebroadcasting the father’s day bonus episode from June 2015, my conversation with my Dad; finally, we are rebroadcasting the mother’s day bonus episode from May 2015, my conversation with my Mom (my favorite part: when she describes her Stuffed Zucchini Theory of parenting young children 🙂
Today’s episode is unusual, and not what I was planning at all – sometimes life intervenes, and that’s just, well, life. I bring it to you in hopes you can learn something from my experience. I hope it resonates with you, dear listener, and helps you remember how important family bonds are.

078: How to Advocate for Happiness – No Impact Man Colin Beavan Is My Guest Today!

colin-painting-roofToday’s guest Colin Beavan appeared on The Colbert Report, The Today Show, and many other talk shows when he first started on a quest to live a good life while limiting the amount of Earth’s resources he and his family used, a year-long journey documented in his No Impact Man blog, book, and later documentary.

If you’ve ever felt unsure of how to approach finding happiness, if you’ve ever worried about the condition of the world we are leaving for our children, if you – like me – are unclear on the definition of the word agency and how it relates to your life, you are going to love today’s’s episode.

Colin has a new book out, How to Be Alive, a guide to finding happiness while advocating for our world, our communities, and our families. My favorite section – dog-eared and with my written notes all over the place – is called Who to Parent, and we have a great conversation in today’s episode about what those words really mean.

We also talk about how Colin and his family do not have chickens; I learn the definition of the word “agency;” and Colin helps you figure out how to surmount the challenges you may be facing in your life as a parent.

Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/078 to listen and for key links in this episode!

Key Links:

For Colin’s No Impact Man blog and book, click here.

Click here to check out his latest book, How to Be Alive, and click here to check out an older book of Colin’s, Operation Jedburgh, about American spies behind enemy lines in World War II (and which I’m reading at this very moment.)

You can read – for FREE – the introduction to Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the recently-published book I wrote for you if you are struggling to enjoy life as the parent of a young child! Click here or go to Amazon.com to check it out.