Month: March 2017

147: THE Key to Being Happier At Home: A Your Child Explained Episode

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Podcast Episode, Your Child Explained

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Back in episode 140, parenting author KJ Dell’Antonia gave us many more great ideas than could be digested in one conversation… So for the first time in We Turned Out Okay history she’s got 3 Your Child Explained episodes all to herself!

In our conversation KJ commented: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

Today: the one thing you can do in your parenting that makes everything else either easier or unnecessary! (Can you tell I’ve been reading The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan?)

Click weturnedoutokay.com/147 to to listen, to sign up for tonight’s (Thursday, March 30, 2017, 8 PM EST) live, free NPC FAQ Q&A (at which you can grab a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, my e-book that helps you handle everything your little kids can throw at you) AND to sign up for the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class coming up in April!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

And/Or:  Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

 

I start today’s show off by remembering KJ’s comment: “after a month we get tired of nagging, “… it’s easier just to load this dishwasher myself…” and then we do – and then we’re back to square one.”

So, what’s the key, one thing we parents can do to ensure more happiness in our parenting, with our children, and in our homes?

It’s (drumroll, please…) Follow-through.

Every time we’re inconsistent we make life with children tougher and more of a struggle – on both them and us.

Kids need our consistency to feel safe, and to trust that the limits we set up will be there the next time they push on those limits. And the next time… And the next time.

So if we, as KJ mentions, “stop nagging and just do it ourselves,” we’ve set a limit – and then failed to keep that limit in place.

Today’s conversation focuses a little bit on the 4 C’s of leadership (which I’ve amended to the 5 C’s).

Originally a business world concept, I have found that the C’s of leadership, whether 4 or 5, make a huge difference in how parents view their roles at home. Kids need a strong leader (or two), and when we realize that and step into that role, everything gets easier.

Key Links:

Here is my conversation with KJ in episode 140; click here for episode 141, the first Your Child Explained referencing our conversation, and here for the second KJ-based YCE, episode 144.

For more on the 5 C’s of leadership and how they can be used in family life, check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help parents navigate the minefield that is modern parenting. Check it out there – but then, to get it for FREE, come to tonight’s NPC FAQ Q&A! Click the button above to sign up, and bring your questions : )

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

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146: How the Wrong Kind of Pressure Damages Kids: Our First Roundtable!

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Guest Interview, Podcast Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I’ve been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We’ve been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you’re going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part one of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Up for discussion today: how to not raise a-holes, The French Toast Alert System and how the culture of fear really messes with parents of young children, and making sure sure that we don’t put the wrong kinds of pressure on our young kids!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/146 for show notes and key links, including sign-up links to two upcoming free, live online classes I’m teaching: 1) the FAQ Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community coming up THIS Thursday, March 30 and where you can get a free copy of my parenting book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics and 2) the Common Parenting Challenges class coming up April 20!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Topic 1: The French Toast Alert System
– I brought this one up because I thought it was hilarious, a system that alerts people about upcoming snowstorms by gauging the likelihood of meeting to go out and buy milk, eggs, and bread (which up here in the Northeast, as a snowstorm is bearing down, are 3 commodities that sell out fast!)
– But our conversation moves quickly to the question: are alert systems a good thing? Do they desensitize, stress out, make us pay attention to the wrong stuff?

Topic 2: How to Not Raise A-holes
– Dina brought the question of topics for today’s show to her family, and her 21-year-old came up with the idea “how to not raise an a-hole.”
– This quickly leads into attachment parenting and a general consideration of what it takes to ensure our kids aren’t jerks when they grow up.

Topic 3: Too Much Pressure
– Angela has been thinking about the pressures put on her kids since they started high school in fall 2015. The pressures on her kids, and their peers, seems crazy to her!
– We discuss: the different kinds of pressures on kids; how to shield young kids and/or help them deal with pressure.

Key Links:

Check out the French Toast Alert System here!

Click here to see The Gift of Fear, Dina’s book recommendation, in Amazon.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

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145: When Kids Rebel Against Your Daily Schedule: Common Parenting Challenges Part 2

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Just You and Me, Podcast Episode

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom o

Marla, the mom I spoke with in episode 82, created this scheduled to streamline busy mornings with daughter Gracie. (She did a great job : )

f this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“My four-year-old daughter is fine with our schedule a lot of the time. But sometimes she rejects it altogether! How can I make it so she’s going along?”

Recently I spoke with a mom who shared 3 key parenting struggles; I knew that you’d be struggling (most likely, anyway) with the same stuff, so I’ve put together a series of Common Parenting Challenges based on our conversation.

Today, we dig into scheduling!

Sometimes kids really rail against a schedule of any kind. How to help? Listen to today’s episode : )

Click weturnedoutokay.com/145 for complete show notes and key links – including “Helping Marla Streamline Busy Mornings” episode 82, and to sign up for two things: the upcoming free, live NPC FAQ Q&A on March 30, 8 PM EST (where you can get a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics); and the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class on Thursday night April 20, 8 PM EST!

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

The Common Parenting Challenge:

“My four-year-old daughter is fine with our schedule a lot of the time. But sometimes she rejects it all together! How can I make it so she’s going along with our morning schedule?”

Nothing will work one hundred percent of the time; much as we wish it differently when they’re small, kids need to go their own way sometimes. (As much as we wish they would obey our every command, believe me, we do not wish this when they’re older – unless we heartily wish they were still living with us, depending upon us, at age 35!)

When your child is balking at your schedule, and yet you still need to get up, eat breakfast, and get out the door, try this:

The evening before, as he’s settling in to bed, bring them tomorrow schedule and ask him: which would you like to do first tomorrow, brush your teeth or get dressed?

Giving kids some autonomy, some choices in their schedule, can make a huge difference to their adherence to the schedule. When we give them choices it helps them own the schedule; humans really love to have some say in how they spend their days.

Two notes of caution: first, two-year-olds often have a tougher time handling choices in a schedule (no surprise – they’re barely verbal and are in a tougher, more tempestuous place than, say, your average four-year-old.)

I’d advise trying this with kids younger than four, but just know that it may not work as well!

Secondly, make sure that the “reward” – the time with you, the time in front of the tube, the time listening/dancing to music – is still at the end; they need that reward to work towards.

Questions? Give me a holler at weturnedoutokay.com/contact!

Key Links:

This mom with whom I spoke made her schedule after listening to episode 82, Helping Marla Streamline Busy Mornings – listen to that episode by clicking here!

Part 1 of Common Parenting Challenges: listen to episode 142, about working through disagreements with your spouse regarding child rearing, by clicking here.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

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144: Homework Troubles – How to Help When Your Young Child Struggles With Homework, A Your Child Explained Episode

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Podcast Episode, Your Child Explained

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this page and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

A few weeks ago, in episode 140, guest KJ Dell’Antonia dropped so many knowledge bombs that I knew we’d need more than one Your Child Explained to really comprehend them all.

Here’s part 2 of 3 – all about homework and how to intervene when your child can’t take anymore!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/144 for show notes, links to last fall’s homework episode and conversation with the president of the American Academy of Pediatrics – and to sign up for the free, live NPC FAQ Q&A I’m hosting Thursday night, March 30 at 8 PM EST (where you can grab your free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book that helps you handle every challenge your kids throw at you!)

 

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, March 30, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

 

KJ shared some great advice advice about intervening on behalf of your child.

She suggests “going in with your observations… and a question.”

Today we talk about making those observations – and what the question should be.

– The observations must take place over time, a day or two of your child having a meltdown over homework won’t be enough. KJ recommends getting the meltdowns on video if possible, so your child’s teacher understands what’s really going on at home about homework.

– The question must be some version of “how can we work together to solve this problem?”

Sometimes the teacher-parent relationship can seem very adversarial. If you want to help your child through her homework struggles, you need to find a way to work together with the teacher.

Questions or comments about today’s episode? Drop me a line at weturnedoutokay.com/contact!

Key Links:

Listen to my conversation with KJ Dell’Antonia, episode 140, by clicking here.

Click here to listen to episode 106: Join the Homework Revolt!

Click here to listen to episode 107, my conversation with American Academy of Pediatrics President Dr. Benard Dreyer.

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

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143: Online Safety for Families – Speaking with Dad and Web Design Company President Rich Stearman

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Guest Interview, Podcast Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the bottom of this page and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“How do I keep my kids safe online? How do I keep my devices safe from hackers?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself either of these questions, you are going to love today’s episode.

Today’s guest, Rich Stearman, president of the web design company Ashdown Technologies, addresses these issues and lots more on the show!

Ben, our boys, and I have been really close with Rich, his wife Kathy, and their boys for decades – since before either of us couples had any kids, in fact.

Rich is our go-to guy for technology questions; I asked him onto the show so that he can be your go-to guy as well! (At least for the length of this episode : )

True to form, our conversation ranges far and wide, and there’s a lot more great parenting information in here than merely about technology.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/143 for key links and to listen!

Key Links:

Rich and I discuss many aspects of digital safety, from protecting your computer against hackers to figuring out how to mentor kids as they begin venturing out onto the Internet.

Any conversation about tech and kids needs to include the work of Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise; click here to listen to my conversation with Devorah.

I hope you enjoy today’s episode!

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142: What to do if you and your spouse are not on the same page – Part 1 in the Common Parenting Challenges Series

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Just You and Me, Podcast Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

You don’t want your kids to have any more screen time – and your spouse plops them in front of the tube. You know that giving in to a temper tantrum is the fastest route to more, and longer, temper tantrums; yet your spouse gives in again and again.

Sound familiar?

Today we talk all about how to handle when your spouse isn’t on the same page (and your page is the right page).

Recently while talking with a mom of 2 young girls, some pretty major – and common – parenting issues came up. I knew that, if this mom is struggling with these issues, that you probably are as well!
Hence our series: Common Parenting Challenges. Join us during the March and April Just You and Me episodes as we address these parenting challenges one by one!

Read the show notes, get the How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide, and listen to the show by going to https://weturnedoutokay.com/142!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

 

This is such a common parenting challenge; so often each parent feels that their way is the correct way, and both have trouble agreeing on a way forward. Worse, it can be easy to get into an argument in front of the kids!

Here’s what to do if you find yourself in this situation:

– away from the kids, agree on some guidelines for “how much screen time/when;” “how to live through a temper tantrum without giving in;” rules for meal time, etc.

Speaking of temper tantrums – if you’re looking for a way to handle them, click the button below to download my free How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide! It even comes with a fridge-worthy, printable infographic so that everybody’s on the same page in handling a temper tantrum.

Click Here to Get the Guide

 

– choose a Word that either of you can invoke whenever things get uncomfortable; when one of you says this word, it’s an indication to the other that, before you continue discussing “this” in front of kids, the two of you need to talk privately.
This Word is an instrumental part of our parenting here in the Kolp household, we use it personally and I bet it could be really useful for you!

– work to have consistency with rules, so that one isn’t allowing something the other feels uncomfortable with

Stay tuned for Part 2 in the Common Parenting Challenges series! And if you have a Common Parenting Fail, something you’re struggling with in your home, get in touch! Let me know what it is, and hopefully I can address it on the show and get you some help.

Go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/contact to share, and have a great day!

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141: Use This Ninja Tactic to Cut Down on Your Child’s Bad Behavior – A Your Child Explained Episode

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Podcast Episode, Your Child Explained

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

During Tuesday’s guest conversation, mom and author KJ Dell’Antonia shared the results of a pretty big (1000-person) survey of parents she commissioned as research for her upcoming book.

The thing that parents worry about most?
“Discipline,” KJ shares.

Discipline enters into many aspects of our parenting lives.

It’s firmness in enforcing rules; consistency in keeping routines established; being good models for our children.

During our conversation, I share a lesson taught to me long ago, in my first years of teaching, about “not moving our kids’ walls.”

KJ was so taken with this idea that she quotes me in her blog this week!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/141 to listen, and to read about how moving our children’s walls creates the bad behavior we really don’t want to see.

Today’s show is brought to you by the We Turned Out Okay free guide to Handling Every Temper Tantrum:

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Moving our kids’ walls is another way of expressing the importance of consistency.

(And consistency is… One aspect of discipline. We’re back to that again, my friend.)

Here’s what KJ wrote in her Week 3 Chore Challenge blog post about moving walls:

I was a guest on Karen Lock Kolp’s “We Turned Out Okay” podcast today, and she said something very insightful (which she attributed to an older teacher who was part of her teacher training earlier in life):

“If you tell a child you expect them to do something, like put away the blocks every time he’s used them, then that’s sort of a room you’ve created in his brain, where things work a certain way, where there are certain walls. Then if some of the time, you let him leave the blocks without putting them away, you’re moving the walls. And nobody likes it when the walls move.”

When we’re inconsistent, when we keep changing the rules (or enforcing them only sometimes) – were moving our children’s walls.

It’s very scary for them when their walls move.

When children are scared, they will react in any number of ways: with tantrums, whining, tears… In short, behavior that we don’t want to see. In shorter, bad behavior.

That’s why this idea of not moving their walls is so important.

I love it because it starts with us; our consistency – or lack of – is what really matters here.

Of course, that’s why I also hate it; it puts the responsibility squarely on me to be consistent!

If that can happen at least most of the time, believe me, it will be enough.

Key Links:

Click here to read KJ’s Chore Challenge blog post.

Click here to join her chore challenge!

Click here to check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child. Not moving our kids’ walls comes up in here – because it’s a great ninja tactic! Read my book to learn more about this one, and many other ninja tactics that will help you in your parenting every single day.

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