Month: April 2017

153: Handling Kids’ Bad Language: A Your Child Explained Episode

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Podcast Episode, Your Child Explained

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today, a listener question about kids and bad language:

“My four-year-old has picked up some bad language from other kids in her class. How should I deal with being called “dog face”!!

This can seem like a puzzle to which we parents just don’t have the answer. If you’re feeling like that, listen in! In today’s episode I share how to prepare for when your child throws something like this that you – and how to handle it in the moment.

For full show notes, including an easy-to-remember plan in answer to listener Nicola’s full question, and the button to download my How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide, go to weturnedoutokay.com/153!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Nicola asks:
“My four-year-old has picked up some bad language from other kids in her class. How should I deal with being called “dog face”!! I’m sure it can get worse as they get older but I didn’t expect it to start so soon. We’ve talked to her about why we use kind language etc. and even put her in her room to calm down when she uses it. A friend suggested that I follow the French tradition where “kids” are allowed their own special low-key swearword – it’s a thing, everyone in the country knows this word?! I’ve suggested my four-year-old can use a phrase/word if she is frustrated, maybe go to her room and yelled into her pillow etc… hmmmm.

“Any help much appreciated!”

I have SO much sympathy!
Today, I outline steps to take so you’re prepared for this kind of kid-thing:

1) Don’t take it personally.
– Our children oftentimes want to run these words past parents to see what we’ll do: will we shout? Will we do the same thing as the teacher in school did, or that other kids did when someone said this?

2) Model calm.
– If we give them an angry tirade, or punish harshly, we’re giving them attention for bad behavior. Our goal is to give them attention only for good behavior, minimize our attention to the bad.

Let me just say – I know how hard this is! Simple in theory, tough in practice. Hang in there.

3) Model what you WANT to see and hear.
– The younger the child, the simpler your language needs to be:
“We don’t say words like that in our family.”
“I don’t say that to you, I don’t expect you to say that to me.”

4) Redirect.
– Actively change the conversation:
“Now, it’s time to get your shoes on.”
“Do you want your yellow shirt or your green shirt today?”

I hope that helps, Nicola, and you if you are in Nicola’s position!

Questions or comments? Click here to ask or share : )

Key Links:
We dig into episode 150, about how our belief in the fundamental goodness – or not – of the universe affects our children’s world view. Click here to listen to that Your Child Explained.

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152: What Happens When Kids Don’t Get What They Need? Talking With Early Childhood Education Professors Miriam Beloglovsky and Lisa Daly

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Guest Interview, Podcast Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Rarely am I speechless – in life or podcasting – but today’s guests took my breath away with their observations of real young adults who grew up without open-ended play in their lives.

Lisa Daly and Miriam Beloglovsky, authors and professors, know a lot about how easy it is for a child growing up today to have zero practical knowledge. It’s because their lives were spent preparing for, and taking, tests.

Now as adults, these young people score really well on tests… But cannot accomplish simple tasks such as using screwdriver. Imagine not having the mechanical knowledge to use a screwdriver!

Thankfully, Daly and Beloglovsky spend their days teaching tomorrow’s teachers, and have a wonderful go-around for this burgeoning problem. And, it is burgeoning – more and more young people leave high school without any practical knowledge, move out into the world looking really well-prepared on paper, but lacking competence and confidence in many key areas of their lives.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/152 for show notes and key links to this mind-blowing conversation with two thoughtful, engaged people!

Thankfully, human nature being what it is, Daly and Beloglovsky report that even grown-ups can learn these important mechanical, physical concepts.

But there’s only one way: through play.

It’s the tinkering, investigating, and coming up with “I wonder” questions that educates people about gravity, velocity, mechanics, and every other science or engineering concept.

So my question for you is: how are you incorporating play into your young child’s life?
The answer may be more important to their well-being and happiness than you imagine.

Key Links:

Check out Daly and Beloglovsky’s book, Loose Parts, here – it’s a great resource for incorporating open-ended play into your child’s life.

Also, their website, Reflective Perspectives, discusses more about open-ended play and loose parts. Click here to check it out.

Click here to read the Alliance for Childhood’s great paper, Crisis in the Kindergarten.

For my conversation with Tanya Trainor, nursery school owner and a woman who has seen the transformative nature of giving kids loose parts, go to weturnedoutokay.com/036.

If you’re seeing aggressive behavior, or sadness, or passivity in your child – and you’re worried that it’s due to the lack of open-ended play – the Ninja Parenting Community could be just the place to get help.
It’s where I help parents just like you figure out how to handle all the tough stuff our kids throw at us.
Click here to learn more about the community!

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151: When Your Child Shouts “No” At You – Part 4 in the Common Parenting Challenges Series

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Just You and Me, Podcast Episode

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Recently I spoke with a mom to 2- and 4-year-old girls. Her youngest is just starting to push back (as all 2-year-olds do) – and she’s pushing back some times really disrespectfully!

Shouting “no!”

Sometimes lashing out.

Refusing, disrespectfully, to do what her mom needs her to do.

Sound familiar? That’s why we’re including this subject in the Common Parenting Challenges series!

Find out how to handle it when your child is disrespectful by clicking weturnedoutokay.com/151, where you’ll find show notes and key links – including the sign up to the free, live wrap-up to the Common Parenting Challenges series, happening Thursday, April 20, 2017 at 8 PM EST!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Handling disrespect and shouted “no’s” has an easy-to-understand solution… But one that’s really tough to put into practice.

Step 1: Ignore the disrespectful ways of saying “no.”

Step 2: Model and tell your child what to say instead.

Step 3: Use redirection, especially with toddlers.

It can be so difficult to ignore the “no!”
But I know you can do it – if I can do it, anyone can, seriously.

While you’re ignoring disrespectful screaming, and even perhaps hitting or kicking or other acting-out, you’re modeling calmness and patience. When/if you can, try to overtly tell your child what he or she can say instead:

“We don’t hit in our family. You can say “I’m angry” or “I’m frustrated” instead.”

If you’re using redirection, continue with something like “Will you put on your sneakers or your boots today?”

Simple in concept, right?

I know you can do this this.

Questions or comments? Click here to share.

Key Links:

Want to listen to the How to Make No Sound Like Yes episode? Click here.

Click here for the first Common Parenting Challenge, episode 142 about how to handle disagreements with your parenting partner.

Listen to the second Common Parenting Challenge, episode 145 about how to help your child adhere to your daily schedule by clicking here.

Click here for the third Common Parenting Challenge, episode 148 about teaching patience to your young child.

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150: How We Shape Our Kids’ Worldview: A Your Child Explained Episode

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Podcast Episode, Your Child Explained

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

We’re going big-picture today, talking about Einstein’s idea that “the most important question facing humanity is, “is the universe a friendly place?”

Our answer to this question shapes how our children will answer this question; if we feel surrounded by enemies, so will our sons and daughters. Is that what we really want for them?

Or, do we want our children to feel themselves surrounded by friends?

For full show notes – and to sign up for next week’s free, online, interactive class, Common Parenting Challenges and How to Handle Each, go to weturnedoutokay.com/150!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Here is Einstein’s full quote:
“I think the most important question facing humanity is, “is the universe a friendly place?” This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves.
“For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.
“If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially “playing dice with the universe,” and we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.
“But if we decide that the universe is a friendly place, and we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives.
“God does not play dice with the universe.”

It’s really not fair, is it, that we don’t find out until after they are born how much our behavior shapes and determines our kids’ lives.

Fair or not – it’s the way life is.

So we parents really need to decide: friendly, or unfriendly?

I choose friendly. How about you?

Click here to let me know what you think!

Key Links:

Sometimes podcasting takes you to places you weren’t anticipating, and today is no exception! Click here to check out The Big Dark, Rodman Philbrick’s masterpiece with this Einstein question firmly at its core.

 

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149: Work-Life Balance, Unconventional Parenting, and Fostering Kids’ Authenticity – Roundtable Part 2

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Guest Interview, Podcast Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I’ve been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We’ve been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you’re going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part two of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Today’s topics: stay-at-home dads, the benefits of unconventional (read: “weird”) parenting, and raising kids to do what they love – even if you can’t see how that might be useful later.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/149 for show notes and key links, including the sign-up for my upcoming free, live online class in how to alleviate Common Parenting Challenges!

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Topic 1: ” I Parent Weirdly”
– in which Dina asserts that she parents weirdly; I suggest that perhaps everyone does; Angela states she doesn’t – and we decide that “weird” is the wrong word and we all like “unconventional” better.

Topic 2: Mr. Mom
– in which Angela shares that at-home parenting wasn’t for her, and how embracing that and running with it made everybody in her home happier.

Topic 3: How do we help kids not hate their own voice?
– in which I talk about the great example my mother set when I was a young woman; a college professor asked me to join her newly-formed women’s choir, and I asked my singer mom “why would anyone want me in their choir?” – Mom told me “Don’t waste time hating your own voice.”
– We discuss the many different “voices” our kids have; Angela shares how she and her husband support their son’s love of graffiti; we all agree that the word voice is a stand-in for “authenticity,” and what a key character trait that truly is.

Questions or comments? Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to share!

Key Links:

Click here for our Roundtable, part one, episode 146.

Click here for Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture on YouTube; here for his book by the same name. Seriously, don’t miss these, they’re life-changing.

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148: Is It Possible to Teach Patience to Young Children? Common Parenting Challenges, Part 3

Posted by Karen Lock Kolp on in Just You and Me, Podcast Episode

Come to my free, live, online class on handling Common Parenting Challenges!

Why: to learn :
– how to avoid fighting about parenting stuff with your spouse
– what to do when your child rebels against your daily schedule
– how to teach your young child patience
– how to handle your young child’s disrespectful “No!”

When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 8 PM EST

Class is interactive – bring your questions!

You’ll receive a free, downloadable reference for the next time you come up against one of these challenges…

Sign up for “How to Handle 4 Common Parenting Challenges” by clicking the button below:
Click Here to Register

Look familiar?

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

“When [my young daughter] is being impatient or persistent about doing something: at this age, how would I teach her to be patient?”

When listener Sherif asked this question recently, I knew it had to be part of the Common Parenting Challenges series!

Sherif asks some really pertinent follow-up questions:
– Is that possible at this age?
– Should I just distract her with something else?
– Should I stand my ground which will make her upset?
– If I give in to what she wants, is this teaching her how to always get her way?

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/148 to learn how to teach patience to your young child – and to sign up for the upcoming free, live Common Parenting Challenges online class, coming up Thursday, April 20!

 

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

 

I’m sure you’ve had some version of Sherif’s questions, especially when your child became a toddler. Here are my answers to these questions:

How do I teach patience to my young child? Is that possible at this age?

– I suggest that we don’t so much “teach” patience as “model” patience. Sherif’s daughter is 2, a notoriously difficult age for impatience – but each age has its own challenges, and even slightly older children (up till five or six) benefit from our modeling of patience. I guess, no matter what age our kids are they can benefit from our modeling of patience!

Should I just distract her with something else?

– I like to give distraction its fancypants biz name: Redirection. Redirection is really important in raising young kids! So, yes, Sherif – redirect away : )

Should I stand my ground which will make her upset?

– In parenting, often times we have to pick our battles. Definitely, stand your ground sometimes (we never ever let kids run into the street, that’s one we ALWAYS stand our ground on); the trick is in knowing which battles to pick!

If I give in to what she wants, is this teaching her how to always get her way?

– The short answer: Yes. Giving in teaches kids that, if they protest long enough and loud enough they’ll get what they want.
Giving in is the quickest way to more, longer, and louder meltdowns; much easier to create good, firm limits and don’t let them drop.

Sherif, and you if you’re not Sherif but you’re in this position, I hope this answers your questions! Is not always easy to model patience and follow-through. But it is what works best with young children.

Questions or comments? Give me a holler at weturnedoutokay.com/contact.

Key Links:

Click here for the first Common Parenting Challenges installment, episode 142 about disagreeing with your child-rearing partner over parenting stuff.

Click here for the second Common Parenting Challenges installment, episode 145 about how to handle it when your young child rebels against your schedule.

Check out the book I wrote to help parents handle all the challenges little kids throw at us, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, in Amazon. It’s really helpful for when you need a quick tactic to use immediately!

Click here to find out more about the Ninja Parenting Community, the place where I work closely with moms and dads just like you to handle their kids’ bad behavior, advocate for their children, and overall be happier in parenting.

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