134: Screwing Up And Why It’s Important – Talking With Mom and New York Times Best-selling Author Jessica Lahey (Rebroadcast)

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, February 2, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen, scroll down to the bottom of this post and press the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Diving into the archives of We Turned Out Okay, and finding wonderfIMG_1927ul shows like this one which you may not have heard before (and will get something out of even if you have heard it already), seems like a fitting start to a new year.

My guest today, Gift of Failure author Jessica Lahey, has helped me in so many ways: to be a better mom, to forgive myself when I screw up, to take the long view on mistakes, thinking not so much about epic fails but instead asking myself “how do I learn from this?” (Jess is also 1/2 of the #amwriting with Jess and KJ duo; click here to check out one of my favorite podcasts, and great if you have any interest in writing or creating!)

I know you’ll learn a lot from our conversation today, thanks for tuning in!

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

If you like what you hear on We Turned Out Okay, but you feel like it’s not quite enough…
If you want more personal help and advice from me…
The Ninja Parenting Community is the place for you to get that help!

– We’ve got classes, like Sanity With Kids, to help you simultaneously raise your children and retain your sanity
– Parent-Coaching calls: one “starter” call for monthly members and one each quarter for annual members
– Forums where I personally help and advise members – and where we all support each other

Now is the perfect time to join, because you get beta pricing and it’s really built out to help you most.
This coming Friday the cost will double when we leave beta, so click this link to see what it’s all about!

Want a closer look PLUS a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help you handle everything your child can throw at you?

Come to the live NPC FAQ Q&A!
This coming Thursday night, February 2, at 8 PM EST you can:
look inside the community
listen as I address lots of frequently asked questions
ask your questions!

And just for showing up at the Q&A you’ll receive a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics! Up until now the book has only been available in Amazon – get it for free at the Q&A : )

To sign up for the NPC FAQ Q&A – and for notes to today’s show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/134!

About this episode:

Several years ago, today’s guest wrote what was for me an earth-shattering piece in the Atlantic Monthly (read it here). Jessica Lahey’s article discusses an experience she had as a middle school teacher, where she realized a student had plagiarized, called the student’s mom to discuss the failing grade the student would be getting – and the mom said “you can’t fail her…3D-bookshot-wo-border I wrote that paper for her, she has too much on her plate and couldn’t do it herself.”

My guest’s article talks about how, when your mom writes your papers, you are robbed of the experience. It’s one way in which you are not learning how to fall down – by writing a bad paper – and get back up again.

Fast forward to summer 2015, when I heard Jess on the wonderful podcast The Good Life Project, discussing both the article and her new book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Last December, I attended Jessica’s live presentation about The Gift of Failure, and she graciously offered to come on the podcast; today’s episode is the conversation we had a week or so later, and it’s a great one!

During our conversation, I share that, as a parent, I tried really hard to make sure everything was perfect for my kids when they were little.

I ask Jess: why do we parents do this? She laughs – the sympathetic laugh of a woman who has been in my shoes – and talks about how we want what’s best for them, and we also want that jolt of oxytocin that comes with being depended upon… And then shares about how she moved from encouraging this kind of dependence to seeing her relationship with her kids blossom when she started encouraging their autonomy rather than their dependence upon her.

Highlights from our conversation include:

1) the work of Carol Dweck, a researcher who focuses on the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset; believe me, we want to encourage a growth mindset, the one in which our kids look upon challenges as fun and setbacks as learning experiences instead of a reason to give up

2) the relationship between these three words: autonomy, competence, and connection; one of the major themes in The Gift of Failure, Jess illustrates that as parents, our job is to foster these three traits in our children, they are the key to a good life

3) how to give our kids the gift of failure, without feeling like failures ourselves; there’s a real mind shift that must take place to go from “oh – let me do that for you” to “hey, great job – you worked really hard and did that for yourself!”

Overall, I love our conversation because it’s clear that Jessica Lahey sees both sides of this coin, understands this from the perspective of a parent who doesn’t let her children fall down and figure out how to get back up. In her book, her live presentations, and in this interview she provides a roadmap to give our kids the gift of failure – and understand what a true gift it is.

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

133: Two Ways to Handle Your Child’s Jedi Mind Tricks

Get a FREE copy of the book that helps you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane!

What: I’m hosting a live Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community (not coincidentally, built to help you simultaneously raise kids and stay sane : )

When: Get your questions answered – and get your free copy of the book – on
Thursday, February 2, 2017 8 PM EST

How: Sign up just by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Register

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Just about a year ago, on the Flipped Lifestyle podcast, co-host Shane Sams asked me if what I do here at We Turned Out Okay is to teach people how to combat their kids’ “evil Jedi mind tricks” – which I thought was such a great definition!

In the last few weeks my family and I saw and loved Rogue 1, and also mourned the loss of Carrie Fisher; it seems fitting to talk about all that with you today, sharing two great ways to combat your child’s Jedi mind tricks.

Want a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help you handle everything your child can throw at you?

Come to the live NPC FAQ Q&A!
This coming Thursday night, February 2, at 8 PM EST you can:
look inside the Ninja Parenting Community
listen as I address lots of frequently asked questions
ask your questions!

And just for showing up at the Q&A you’ll receive a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics! Up until now the book has only been available in Amazon – get it for free at the Q&A : )

To sign up for the NPC FAQ Q&A – and for notes to today’s show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/133!

Here are the 2 ways we discuss today to combat Jedi mind tricks:

1) A short and sweet, but so effective, mindset shift: The 1-Word Exercise.
I get down to the nitty-gritty of doing this exercise, and why it works, today;

click here to get the free guide I put together on the 1-Word exercise!

2) Join the Ninja Parenting Community:

 

If you like what you hear on We Turned Out Okay, but you feel like it’s not quite enough…
If you want more personal help and advice from me…
The Ninja Parenting Community is the place for you to get that help!

– We’ve got classes, like Sanity With Kids, to help you simultaneously raise your children and retain your sanity
– Parent-Coaching calls: one “starter” call for monthly members and one each quarter for annual members
– Forums where I personally help and advise members – and where we all support each other

Now is the perfect time to join, because you get beta pricing and it’s really built out to help you most.
This coming Friday the cost will double when we leave beta, so click this link to see what it’s all about!

132: How to Go to Bat for Your Child – a Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Today’s show asks the question: how can I help you go to bat for your child?

It’s easier to think about standing up for our children that it is, oftentimes, for us to stand up for ourselves.

But sometimes – especially when an authority figure like a doctor or a teacher is doing the pushing – it can be hard to know how to stand up for our children.

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Are you raising little kids and feeling overwhelmed?

Could you use some accountability and support?

Join us inside our membership community to get access to:
– courses, like the one I just finished up, called Sanity With Kids, helping you stay sane while simultaneously raising children
– live, members-only calls
– direct feedback on how to get through your toughest challenges
– the support of a community where were all working to worry less and enjoy more while raising kids!

We leave beta very soon, because the community is really built out now with course offerings and great forums, so get in before the price goes up!

Click this link or go to weturnedoutokay.com/ninja-parenting-community-login to get all the details –

Click weturnedoutokay.com/132 for lots of links, and enjoy today’s show!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:

Click here for episode 131, my re-broadcasted conversation with dad and acupuncturist Steve Mirando.

Here is my instagram, @weturnedoutokay

On twitter I am @StoneAgeTechie

The We Turned Out Okay Facebook page is located here.

Click here to check out the book I wrote for you, if you’re looking for some concrete hacks to employ during the every day tough stuff of parenting.

131: Happiness in Family and Work – A True Balancing Act; Talking With Dad and Business Owner Steve Mirando (Rebroadcast)

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Diving into the archives of We Turned Out Okay, and finding wonderful shows like this one which you may not have heard before (and will get something out of even if you have heard it already), seems like a fitting start to a new year.

Today’s guest, along with his wife and children, have been special people in my family’s life ever since we had the excellent luck of moving in across the street from them more than a decade ago.

We’ve watched Steve Mirando and his wife Sue support each other through a lot – having children, figuring out work-life challenges, Steve’s going to full-time school for acupuncture and then hanging out his shingle as a practicing acupuncturist… many of these all happening at the same time!

I know you’ll learn a lot from our conversation today, thanks for tuning in!

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community:

Are you raising little kids and feeling overwhelmed?

Could you use some accountability and support?

Join us inside our membership community to get access to:
– courses, like the one I just finished up, called Sanity With Kids, helping you stay sane while simultaneously raising children
– live, members-only calls
– direct feedback on how to get through your toughest challenges
– the support of a community where were all working to worry less and enjoy more while raising kids!

We leave beta very soon, because the community is really built out now with course offerings and great forums, so get in before the price goes up!

Click this link or go to weturnedoutokay.com/ninja-parenting-community-login to get all the details –

And for notes to today’s show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/131!

 

Listen in to hear about:

1) Steve’s past as part of an improv theater troupe, and how that’s helped him cope with the surprises that life brings as a parent and business owner (check out Steve’s website, theacuworks.com, here.)

2) how critical it is to surround yourself with people who want to help you achieve your dreams – and who you want to support as they achieve theirs

3) Steve and Sue’s awesome ideas about family time, what it is and what it means to truly “spend time together”

If you take just one thing from this episode, I hope it is this: even in the really busy day-to-day that everyone with young children experiences, it is possible to connect with our spouses and children on a meaningful level every day. We can make a conscious choice to figure out how to make that happen! Steve and Sue Mirando, our across-the-street neighbors, are a great example of how to do that right.

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

130: How Goal-Setting Can Help You Have a Happier Parenting Life

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll all the way down to the bottom and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

This early in the new year, everyone is thinking about resolutions and how to keep them; today, I’m asking you to think a little bit differently about resolutions – in fact, I’m asking you to not even use the word “resolution!”

I prefer the shorter, less-charged “goals.”

Goals can be short-term, medium-term, or long… And the goals we choose for ourselves today don’t just help us; the goals we choose and start working toward today help our children as well.

In our second-annual show about goals, I share mine, I share how I did with last year’s, and I ask you to share yours with me! (Which you can do by going to weturnedoutokay.com/contact.)

Today’s show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community… If you’re raising little kids and feeling overwhelmed; if you could use some accountability and support –

Join us inside our membership community, and get access to:
– courses like the one I just finished up, Sanity With Kids
– live, members-only calls
– direct feedback on how to get through your toughest challenges
– the support of a community where we’re all working to worry less and enjoy more while raising our kids
– beta pricing – but only for a little while… we leave beta very soon, so you want to get in before the price goes up!
Click here to check out Ninja Parenting Community, I hope to see you in the forums!

To read my goal setting report card, and for key links I talk about in this episode (including to the awesome podcast #amwriting with Jess and KJ, and last year’s goalsetting episode), click weturnedoutokay.com/130!

This past year, I did well with my personal and family-type goals:
– I spent lots of time with family and friends
– I worked to support Ben and our boys in all the ways I could
– I forgave myself when I screwed up and continued with a nightly “conversation-in-the-mirror,” a tradition started in 2015 which seems pretty nuts at first, but, as you hear in this episode, has been the single most important aspect of keeping myself well.

Also, I expanded my horizons in podcasting and online:
– each week, even through my Dad’s concussion/emergency brain surgery spring and summer, and largely thanks to my producer and 19-time winner of the husband of the year award Ben, we never missed a single episode – podcasts always dropped when they were supposed to.
– With you in mind, I spoke with some amazing people, who knew things I knew that you would need to know! It’s made me so happy to serve you in this way, and I’m so excited to continue doing this : )
– I wrote a book about how to survive the tough challenges of parenting, and built a community around the book and podcast… I loved this process, I learned a lot, and now I’m super excited because the community is built out with lots of stuff to help parents of young children survive and thrive, even when things are tough (maybe, especially then)
Check out the book here, and the community here.

And now – on to 2017!

This year I tried something new: I chose a word of the year.

My word: service.

It’s helping me focus on what’s most important:
– podcast, community, free guides – everything I do for you I do with the word “service” in mind, because I have a lot of knowledge that, as the parent of young kids, I think you’d find very useful!
– loved ones – my word helped me figure out how to serve them best; I’m taking one thing off Ben’s plate each week, I’m working hard to not “ignore” our teen and tween (I share a lot about The Breakfast Club today, and that’s where this idea of ignoring kids comes from)
– me – my word is helping me treat myself well; I am doing an experiment, with food, that is really tough but also quite short – just thirty days – and I hope to come out of it knowing better what I can eat and what I can’t (what sets off my chronic illness and what doesn’t); my word is also helping me take care of myself in other ways, such as continuing to talk to myself in the mirror… Exercising… Making time for sports and hobbies that I love… Remembering the expression:

My Alone Time Is For Your Safety : )

So, that’s where I am this January!

What about you? Wishing you all the best as you work towards your goals. Please get in touch if I can help!

Trouble with tantrums?

With littles, meltdowns are hard to avoid.

So I came up with the HEART method to help you:
– remain calm
– stop worrying about judginess with public tantrums
– know you’re not alone

To calmly, decisively handle every on of your child’s tantrums, click the button below!

Click Here to Get the Guide

Key Links:
Click here for the wonderful #amwriting podcast by KJ Dell’Antonia and Jessica Lahey, a great listen even if you are not a writer!

Click here for last year’s goal-setting episode, in which I lay out the goals that I’ve been working towards all of 2016.

If you want to check out the book about how to get through the toughest parenting moments in Amazon, click here.

Feel better in your parenting! Check out the Ninja Parenting Community by clicking here.

129: What to do when your boy says “that’s for girls” or vice versa – a Your Child Explained Episode

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll down to the very bottom of this post and click the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

In our first Your Child Explained episode of the new year, listener Jennifer asks:

“When my boys says, “that’s for boys” or “girls can’t do that,” is there more I could do than simply replying “you know, girls can do everything boys can do…”

The short answer: yes, there is lots more we can do to foster the gender identities of our sons and daughters.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/129 for show notes and key links from this episode!

Also – are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!

First, we need to try and understand where our kids are coming from.
It’s really confusing for little kids, who don’t identify as a boy or a girl based on what their body parts look like; their best understanding of their own gender identity comes from how they – and their friends – dress and what they play with.

Understanding this as parents is our first step to helping our kids understand themselves and where they fit in the world.

Second: recognize that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Were not going to change our children’s gender attitudes in one day, or one season, or even (probably) one year.

We’re just trying to share some different perspectives with them, and be open to further discussion over gender issues…

We’re especially working hard to hear and address our kids’ questions.

Key Links:

Speaking of questions, what are yours? Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to ask!

128: How to Help When Your Child Really Can’t Handle Something Important

Welcome! To listen to today’s episode, scroll on down to the bottom of this post and hit the triangular “play” button. Enjoy the show!

Maybe you know the symptoms: tummy aches, excessive temper tantrums and stubbornness, crying over everything and over an extended period of time.

If your child shows some of these elements, and it’s freaking you out, how do you know what is wrong? And if you can figure that out – how do you help your son or daughter make it right?

In this rebroadcasting of a great conversation from early in 2016, mom and educational facilitator Amy Anderson helps us answer these big, hairy questions.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/128 to listen; weturnedoutokay.com/contact with questions or comments; and here to get personal help with your biggest, scariest child-rearing issues!

Also – are you feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?
Check out the Ninja Parenting Community, for expert advice about how to handle anything your kids throw at you!
We’ve got training courses – like the Sanity With Kids course, about staying sane even while raising kids – exclusive members-only calls, vibrant forums, and lots of ways to feel better.
Click here to check out the community, I hope to see you in the forums!